


Crossroads & Skate-Shops

by homothespian



Category: Subway Surfers
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, I promise I'm gonna try super hard to keep this gender neutral, M/M, Minor Violence, Other, also I haven't written a fic in a year so please bear with me, i think this is also slowburn, if this goes the way I have planned, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 63,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homothespian/pseuds/homothespian
Summary: This wasn't what you wanted when you wished for something eventful, but he was as good as 'eventful' was gonna get.
Relationships: Frank/Reader, Frank/Reader (Subway Surfers), Maybe a few background relationships
Comments: 220
Kudos: 114





	1. Time is Bullshit

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really scared of posting this but to clear some things up! First fic in a year, I'm scared, and I was really inspired by @oiyku to post this! Go support them! (do @'s work on here?)

“I can’t believe you two distracted me this long. It’s 11 pm!” You exclaimed, standing up from your spot on the couch. You had gone over to your older brother’s house around twelve that afternoon to celebrate your twenty-first birthday and somehow, at 11 pm, you hadn’t touched the cake you bought. Not even to put on candles. 

Your family had always been this way. You were adopted into the Rodman family when you were still a baby. Mully was a good twelve years older than you and before you, he was an only child. Though he was already a preteen by the time you were around you still managed to ‘grow up’ together just fine. He had a big heart and was always there when you were a teenager to let you cry about highschool despite having his problems to deal with. After all, while you were going to kindergarten, he was graduating high school and adopting his kid, Yutani. So by the time your life was in the typically hard period, he was raising a kid.

To put it simply, your family stayed busy. Working, dealing with school, dealing with children… Anything. Even hanging out turned into forgetting time or getting too busy but luckily you still had a good hour left to waste. Yutani trailed behind you as you walked into the kitchen grabbing the candles out of a dollar store bag while she dug a cake out of a brown box on the table.

“Even if it is late, I want to blow out candles. What’s the point of a cake if I don’t get to pretend I’ll get some cool wish from blowing out some tiny little flames?” 

Mully lit the candles after you stuck them in. “Eating something nice on your birthday?”

“Nah. Wishes are way cooler.”

Yutani folded her arms, head resting on top of them like an innocent child. Technically she was a child. It was suiting. “The whole tradition comes from ancient pagan ideas. The history makes it way cooler and so do candles that keep re-lighting. The magnesium in the wick is kept safe from oxygen and fuels the flame even after being blown out!”

You gave Mully a confused look and he shrugged. Yutani was very, very smart not only for her age but in general. He couldn’t explain why and you didn’t want to know why. You just wondered where she got such specific information on candles of all things. Time was ticking though and you needed to worry about your own candles before they melted too much and dripped onto the frosting.

You felt a little immature trying to think of a wish. You knew they didn’t actually matter or come true but the idea that maybe, just maybe, something would happen made you excited. So you silently made your wish before blowing out the candles.

I wish, well more of hope, that life will be interesting.

That was the dumbest wish you had ever made. You had left town two years ago to go to only a slightly bigger place with a community college and get your associates in general education and now that you were back… you just wanted things to be interesting. Your hometown was a dead-end corner full of skaters, stoners, and people who fit very different backgrounds. A little fun or change wouldn’t hurt but it was still lame to waste a perfectly good wish on it.

“So what did you wish for?” Yutani asked.

“If I tell you, it probably won’t happen. Let’s just eat this before I decide I’m taking it home and hogging it.”

The three of you spent the next hour huddled on the couch eating cake and watching some random show that came on. You didn’t exactly know the name but it was entertaining enough and about some messed up family of six kids left to raise themselves. Time flew by and soon enough it was 1 am and you were grabbing your things, yawning and waving goodbye to your niece and brother. You didn’t even bother grabbing the cake. You just wanted to go home and rest.

Grabbing your skateboard from beside the door, you were out. It was oddly calming to be out there at such a late time. The air was cold against your hands and as you threw your board against the pavement and pushed off, so was the slight breeze. It felt good and freeing as hell. 

Skating at night had to be one of your favourite things. The air always felt cleaner and cooler, there was nobody out to get in your way, and it was oh so quiet. You couldn’t hear anything but the crickets and the roar of your wheels against the rough asphalt. The only things out there were trees, the occasional deer or rabbit, and the stars. Perfect.

Well, it was perfect for a minute. You kept seeing an odd shadow among the trees and it was starting to creep you out. It was probably just an animal or hell, a tree, though so you tried to ignore it. Focus on the sound and not the visuals. Not that you could hear over your board anyway. You were safe as far as ignorance went.

So maybe it was perfect. You had nothing to worry about.

You were only about five minutes away from home by now. The train tracks always marked that point and if it hadn’t been so late you might have taken a detour and skated on the tracks a bit, trying to learn how to do an ollie. One of the most basic tricks and you still couldn’t do it. Damn.

That’s when you saw him? Looked like a guy. Whoever it was, they were taller than you. All you could see was their back profile which didn’t help much at all.  
Skating faster to try and keep up with the figure, everything around you faded out. What was someone doing out at this hour? You had an excuse but what about them? They had looked nicely dressed too. You began slowing down as they turned around, looking directly at you. 

You couldn’t even see their face. It was covered by a large bunny mask with red eyes and an ‘Anonymous’ style moustache. What an original choice. The stranger held one finger up to where you assumed their lips were and with their other hand pointed left. Nothing was to the left though? Just some train cars. Those were everywhere.

And then it hit you.

The street in front of you was illuminated by a bright yellow light, flowing out from two sources. Headlights. They weren’t pointing left, they were trying to say behind. Behind YOU.

You jumped off of your board, fumbling to grab it but instead, the grip scratched your fingers and slipped from your grasp. There wasn’t any time to try again if you valued your legs, or maybe even your life, so you ran. You left your board in the road and ran into the grass, the stranger turning away and walking farther onto the tracks.

The stranger didn’t matter right now. Your skateboard did. The problem with that though was the car ran right over it, honking, as the driver flipped you off. Amazing! They didn’t bother to hit their brakes and now you were left without a board because their car had snapped it in half!

You ran back out to grab the pieces before running towards the tracks. You needed to find that guy. Sure, they saved you, but they also got your $130 board destroyed. The original price had only been about $85 but adding in all the money you had spent on bearings, new wheels, and even stickers… Definitely more expensive. Maybe even around $140 if you considered not just a pack of stickers but also ones bought at Zumiez.

At first, you couldn’t see them. It took a minute of glancing around and checking corners before you saw them slinking between train cars and stepping over rusted nails in the tracks. You followed, trying to be as quiet as possible, but when you banged your shoulder on a car, there was no way they didn’t hear.

And yet they ignored you and kept walking. 

So you kept following.

Their pace never seemed to change. Slow, calm, just fucking walking. Yet you were jogging to catch up since they had a head start. You weaved your way around a few more cars before finding yourself in a large closed-in space. Train cars were on every side, not counting the opening, making an alright square.

The person finally turned around now. They hadn’t taken off the mask and to be frank, it was starting to creep you out.

“I had a feeling you would follow me here. You’ve always seemed quite curious.” The person had to be a male. Their voice was calming and collected, just like the annoying way they walked around and their stiff actions.

“You don’t even know me? You aren’t wrong but still.”

“There is no reason I would be wrong. I’m sorry about your skateboard but you should have been paying more attention anyway.”

“You are the one who distracted me! This isn’t all my fault! Who even are you?”

“I’m the one talking here. Enough questions. I’ve already spent the past few weeks learning about you and it’s about time we… met.”

If this was his idea of a meeting, you were worried about what was going to happen next.

If there was anything after this anyway.


	2. This is not a two person thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still very scared to post this oops but so far so good ?

You backed up against a train car, carefully watching the masked man. Maybe you were just sleep-deprived? Not enough to have hallucinations. You weren’t high, you hadn’t done acid before, and shrooms were off the table since an incident your senior year of high school. Nope. This was happening.

“This is a bad time to meet, don’t you think? Kind of late. My board is ruined. Do you have day hours for this?”   
  
“No, right now is a good time. You would have ignored me in broad daylight, I would be just another person out walking. I’m sorry it had to be this way but it is what it is.”   
  
You scoffed. This was not an ‘it is what it is’ moment. From what you were gathering, this bunny-masked man had been watching you probably up to one month, he almost got you hit by a car, and he refused to do any of this during the day like any normal person. Not there was anything normal about your circumstances.   
  
“You can be mad at me later. Right now there are some ground rules we should establish.”   
  
“So now you have rules for me? This is fucking weird.”

“Less like rules for you and more like boundaries. One, this is our thing. Nobody gets involved unless I directly say so. Two, think of it like co-workers, if that helps. Except I'm in a higher position than you. You’re helping me and there may or may not be benefits for you if you do.”

“This sounds like a choice to me.”

“It’s not.”

Out of all the things you wanted to hear, that was not one of them. What you wanted was to be told this was a joke, or that you had to sign some contract to agree. That involved free will. Then again, so did simply saying no and refusing to listen.    
  
This guy was most likely just some weird poser. Probably got a bit too high, put on a mask from an old Halloween costume, and decided to go out playing secret agent. If you thought of it that way, things felt so much better. It was a realistic theory and if it was true, well, great! You didn’t have any problems.    
  
You surveyed the man one more time before turning around and bolting. You could hear him behind you for a moment, but he suddenly stopped and muttered something under his breath. You didn’t try to listen. Running was far more important. The cold air was starting to hurt your lungs, and you didn’t even think of a stable breathing pattern, but by the time it mattered you were already prying open the door to your apartment building and jogging up the stairs.    
  
As you reached the second floor, you collapsed. Your sides ached and your legs felt like they were on fire. He wasn’t behind you when you looked, though, and that meant you were okay. Nothing else mattered. Standing up, you walked down the hall and unlocked the door to your apartment, shutting the door as quickly as you could.    
  
Despite having reasoned that he was just some stoner or maybe some other type of drug user, you still felt uneasy. Something about him felt real. He had looked so calm, so serious… But anyone could be a good liar.    
  
You locked the door and even the deadbolt anyway.   
  
For extra precaution, you also went around and checked all your windows. You locked them, shut blinds, and even shut your makeshift curtains in the living room and bedroom. They were just some old beige sheets but they were getting the job done until you had everything set up and unpacked. Curtains weren’t a big priority to you when you had been shopping for household items and clutter before moving back to town. The curtains you had in college were your roommate’s so they just never crossed your mind.   
  
They would have been nice now but the sheets worked. Bigger issues here. Bigger issues than bunny-man. 

At least the bathroom didn’t have windows. You didn’t have to worry about him or your lack of proper decoration there. Dunking your face into the sink, you turned on the cold water and sighed. That was close enough to washing your face tonight. Patting your face dry on a towel, you found yourself staring in the mirror after.

This was all so, so stupid. You were twenty-one now! Adults were never paranoid. Mully never seemed paranoid, and neither did your parents or older students at college. Or Bunny-man. Dammit! No more of him. He wasn’t a real problem. Just some guy dressing up and playing some creepy version of pretend.

The only way you could forget all of this had to be sleep. It needed to be. So you climbed into bed, plugging up your phone on the nightstand. Squinting at the screen, you texted your brother, thanking him for spending time with you and telling him to tell your favourite (and only) niece you loved her.

After, you rolled over and shut your eyes. Finally. Some peace.

Besides your phone dinging. 

You could ignore it.

Okay, no you couldn’t. You  _ were _ pretty curious. Expecting a reply from Mully, you were oddly disappointed when it wasn’t. Instead, it was an unsaved number.

_ Just think about what I said. This isn’t an option. Also, you need new curtains. Sheets are very thin. _ _   
_ _   
_ Think about it? God, you felt obsessed with it. You couldn’t get away from thinking about it! Granted, you weren’t thinking of it in the way that he wanted. So you ignored the text. You thought about it, sure, you couldn’t stop thinking about it. But you didn’t open it.   
  
I mean, he knew about your curtains even. There wasn’t a way to ignore that. This guy was either super, super smart and stalking you for the fun of it while he was high, or maybe just serious. You didn’t like the idea that he was serious and that this wasn’t some drug-induced game.

Sighing, you sat your phone down. “I don’t even know your fucking name and yet you’ve been bothering me like this in my own home.”

_ If it matters, it’s Frank. That also stays between us. _

Huh, so he could hear you. Wonderful. Frank was just so, so “wonderful.” Getting curtains in the morning was going to be a really wonderful thing. A little more privacy could never hurt, especially if it meant privacy against him.

* * *

You scraped up all the cash you had that morning and headed out. It wasn’t much, around fifty at most. You had money stashed in your account for things like groceries and necessary items but for spending, you weren’t too lucky. Fifty was more than enough for curtains though. Maybe even a shitty board. You’d bought forty dollar boards before and with a little customising they could last.

Your skateboard was going to have to be set aside for a minute. Right now, you needed curtains. The local department store was small and didn’t have much variety but that was fine. You just needed something better than sheets. As weird as bunny-man-- sorry, Frank-- was, he was right. You needed real curtains. 

So you grabbed some random black ones, paid, and left. Okay. If the curtains were ten that did leave you forty dollars for a board, just like you expected. Maybe your luck was turning around a bit.

The skate-shop had to be your favourite spot in town. The music was always familiar, they had some actual, well-known brands, and also their boards. It was perfect. Plus the employees were always laid back.

The woman at the encounter waved as you walked in. “Welcome to Kick-Side, let me know if you need anything.”

“I will, thanks.”

You went straight to the boards, picking up a few and messing with the wheels. Considering there were lots of sidewalks but also rough roads, you needed to opt for something around 88 or maybe 90A. Most of the boards didn’t meet this standard except for the last one you looked at. Super plain, just basic checkerboard on the bottom, but a good width and alright wheels.

So, of course, it was $70. 

Way out of your price range.

You stopped by the counter anyway before leaving. You needed to talk to someone other than your family or.. Frank.

“Does Brax still work here?”

The girl looked up, nodding. “Yeah, he’s been out a lot lately though. I think he and his girlfriend are getting engaged. You two friends? Sorry, I started working here last week and I don’t know the regulars.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it! We were friends in high school, yeah. If he comes in for his shift soon could you tell him I said hi? My name is Y/N.”

“Yeah, of course. Mine is Dorian. Just so we’re acquainted. Have a nice day.”

It wasn’t much social interaction but it was enough to keep your mind free for a little while. You would have preferred to see Brax, though. You two had met freshman year and were a duo ever since. He had been doodling in class and writing down vague lyric ideas and you had seen over his shoulder and thought it was the coolest thing ever. His girlfriend had started taking up a lot of his time but you didn’t care, you were happy for them, she supported his ideas.

Would have been nice to have someone supporting you. Not in a romantic way, but someone who believed in you and wanted to listen to your ideas. The closest you were going to get was being held against the wall of a brick alley about twenty yards away from the skate shop.

Wait, what?

You tried to reach out and push the person away but they grabbed your hand and put it back by your side, holding it there before letting go and stepping away. The moment you got a clear look of what was going on, you saw that fucking bunny mask. Of course.

“I hope I didn’t hurt you much, or at all, it creates a lot of problems for me. But I needed to do that. Look, stop avoiding me. It’s easier all around if you just listen.”

“Uh-huh. Listen to the man who is following me around and dragging me into alleys.”

“Yes. You’re starting to get the idea.”

“I’m not going to, okay? You’re just some random guy telling me how I need to trust you and listen to what you tell me to do. I’m not playing along. Let me leave.”

The mask made it hard to try and be assertive. You never knew what he was thinking, his facial expressions, what his face even looked like. He was probably frustrated or angry though.

“...Fine. But you have to understand this isn’t over. At all.”

“I’ll understand what I please.”

You walked away right after, trying to quicken your pace home. He just let you go like that. For someone so insistent on your cooperation, he sure left a lot of loopholes for you to get out of it. Maybe he liked it that way? Who knows.    
  
You just needed to worry about putting your new curtains up. They looked nicer than the old sheets and even helped keep your room darker compared to all the sun being let in before. This was a nice change.

_ Black is a nice choice, good for privacy. _

__ As if you had privacy anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, comments, kudos, etc is welcome and encouraged aaaa I love feedback so much ?? also if there is anything you would maybe want to see in later chapters, let me know!!


	3. Finally, some cash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO the spacing on the previous chapters is so fucked and I just now realised it, I'm so so sorry uhh I fixed it this chapter but sadly I can't for the others? I type all of this on google docs and paste it here

“I’ll buy whoever can successfully teach Yutani to skate a basket of fries!” you announced, sliding into the booth your niece and her friends were at. What did they call themselves? The Subway Surfers? Whatever it was, they were a nice group. You were glad Yutani had friends and that the four of them were there to support each other.

Tricky groaned, “Already tried. It just didn’t go well. Jake can have them.”

Jake seemed very excited about the idea of getting free fries, totally forgetting about Fresh or the part where the deal involved teaching Yutani. Fresh didn’t seem to mind, though, and had his food in front of him anyway. You couldn’t blame the kid, he was always hungry. Yutani had told you stories of Jake eating mouldy sandwiches he found in his room because he was so hungry. Considering that part, the skating didn’t matter to you either. The kid deserved some fries.

You stood up, heading over to the counter and stashing a $5 in the cash register before making a serving of fries. Mully wouldn’t mind, especially considering you did pay for it. He insisted you didn’t have to pay to get your food there, you’re family after all, but not paying just felt gross. None of that seemed to matter to Jake though. Or anybody else. They just wanted their food and were not worried about your thought process.

Just as you were sliding the basket over to the kids, you saw the girl from the skate-shop walk in. What was her name? Dorian? Dorian, you remembered being a little shocked such a feminine person had a masculine name. It suited her though. Spotting you, she looked a little disappointed. Ouch?

“Shit. (Y/N), right? We met yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah, hey Dorian. Do you need anything? You look pretty worried.”

“I was going to ask you something but you seem pretty busy. I won’t bother you during your shift. Maybe you could text me tonight? I can write my number down.”

What? Oh. No, no, no. She thought you worked here. “Wait! I don’t work here. It’s my brother’s, I just hang around sometimes. What did you need? I could seriously use a distraction lately.”

“You said you knew Brax, yeah? Well, he came in, and I did tell him you said hi, but that’s beside the point. He quit and is moving to L.A with his girlfriend and now  _ I’m _ stuck with his position as manager. And thanks to him we’re also understaffed. Could you pick up a few shifts? Fully paid, at least until I can find someone else.”

That had to be the best thing you had heard all week, besides having a single Frank-free day yesterday. You had run into him on Saturday night, dealt with him on Sunday, but Monday? No problems. If you were lucky, maybe today would be the same. Who cared about him right now anyway? You needed a job and the offer was right in front of you. Not to mention, working at the skate-shop meant you could get discounts and get a new board way faster! Maybe even a better one than the $70 one you found.

“I’ll take the position full time, I need a job anyway. This works for both of us. When would I be starting?”

Dorian thought for a moment. “Is twelve a bit too last minute?”

“Nope. I’ll see you in a few hours?”

“Yeah. I’ll explain dress-code and your schedule whenever you come in. Thank you so much, by the way.”

You waved goodbye as she headed to some booth with another person sitting across from her. They looked like opposites. She was pretty feminine, lots of eyeliner and wearing a skirt, while they just had on a hoodie and some jeans and were androgynous, but it was still put together.  _ Frank and I are opposites too. He’s always wearing that damn suit. _

Dammit. Not again. No more Frank! This was a no-thinking-about-Frank zone. Trying to shake that thought from your head, you slid back into the booth with the teens and prepared yourself to listen to a long rant about how much they hated their English teacher and how that supposed failed skating lesson between Tricky and Yutani went. You should never ask about tricks if you can barely stand on a board.

Was this even an acceptable outfit to wear to work? You weren’t sure. Dorian had mentioned some sort of dress-code in the morning when you talked but never specified anything about it. Maybe you were just overthinking it. The last time you were told ripped jeans was unacceptable was middle school. This was a skate-shop. Skater fashion was normally pretty cheap and casual anyway. You would be fine. You had tried to find a good pair but every single one was scuffed up, painted, or ripped in some way. This was fine. Everything was gonna be fine.

Dorian was behind the counter organising when you walked in. She popped up, grinning, and walked over. The energy of just pure relief and optimism she gave off was starting to transfer to you, honestly. She constantly seemed like someone had just told her the thing she was stressing over had been cancelled and now could live life in solitude. Must be a nice feeling.

“You showed and right on time! Great! So, here’s a rundown. The dress code? Nonexistent, as long as you don’t show up in a bra, bikini, boxers, briefs, swimming trunks, whatever else there is out there, you’re good. Shirts and some form of bottoms are necessary but that's it. As for your schedule, twelve to five on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. On Wednesdays, it's nine to two. You get weekends off. Sounds simple?”

You nodded. She talked pretty fast but for the most part, you got a general idea. “Makes sense.”

“Perfect! I’ll be in the back organizing and unboxing some new boards. If you need help or someone is being an ass just yell.”

Okay, profanity was allowed too. This was going to be one of the easiest jobs you had ever taken. Heading behind the counter, you noticed a nametag sitting by the register with your name on it. Oh, nice! This place was productive. 

Your shift was pretty uneventful compared to how productive Dorian and you had been with stocking and what not. Mainly just ringing people up and now and then you would help someone figure out what kind of board they wanted. Being able to tell someone about width, wheel hardness, and overall just about how to find the board for them felt oddly good. It wasn’t hard to explain but it made you feel important and that was what mattered. 

No customers had come in for the past thirty-five minutes so you were just on your phone, aimlessly scrolling through social media and liking the occasional post when the bell rang. You shoved your phone away and looked at the door. “Hi, welcome to Kick-Side.”

They just nodded at you and walked over to the small clothing section. Something about this person was… weird. They didn’t look suspicious or anything. Just a normal guy. Maybe it was just the red beanie. Red is one of those ‘danger’ colours in most designs. Had to be that. So you pretended you never even felt anything and continued to sit there, bored, until he came up to the register.

“Do you happen to have the red flannel in a small?”

You thought for a second before shrugging. “No idea. I can check, though.”

Dorian popped her head into the doorway from the back. “Already listening! I’ll look. Just give me a few minutes to look around and I’ll let you know.”

Nodding, you turned back to the guy. God, what was so suspicious about him? This couldn’t all be in your head. Maybe it was just the colour red, or he looked like someone you knew. You were trying to be as subtle as possible while you analysed him and then it hit you. His hair was pretty familiar. And then what you had assumed just to be style-choice gloves were pretty good quality, better quality than something a skateboarder would buy to protect themselves. 

“Frank?”

“It took you a while to notice. But yes, me. I told you I had been following you. You’re a source of intel for me. Like it or not, I haven’t been joking, this is how it must be. I won’t always be making such personal appearances though.”

“I think texting me and dragging me into an alley was a pretty ‘personal’ appearance. And following me around.”

“Listen. You can see my face right now. It isn’t like I could just show up with a mask in here. Does it look like I’m trying to be so suspicious? Do you really think that? I’m going to remind you that I am  _ always _ going to be one step ahead of you. You can either listen to me and let me explain this to you or you can avoid me and make it  _ ten. Times. Worse.” _

Dorian came out right after he said this and you couldn’t have been more grateful. “We don’t have any right now but I’m sure if you come back on Thursday we should have a new shipment for clothes. I’ll be out in a second, by the way. I just need to unbox one more thing.

And of course, she disappeared back into the back-room after saying that. Shit.

“...Okay. Fine. But I’m not listening to you here or now. I’ll talk to you after I finish working. And I’m not staying in some ally either. We’re going anywhere but one of those.”

“Fine. I’ll find you later.”

Frank left afterwards. You were glad he was gone and you could process what you just agreed to but also slightly upset, in a way. You had all this time to look at his face and you didn’t even pay attention to it that much! Okay, yes you did. You paid a lot of attention. You had expected something out of a horror movie or at least something along those lines. Instead, he looked so normal. Nice jawline, sharp nose… Normal. The weirdest thing about him had to be how unusually red his eyes were.

“Hey, I didn’t hear much but if you and he were making plans, you can leave now. You only have thirty minutes left anyway and things are pretty boring right now,” Dorian hummed, suddenly right beside you. Realistically it wasn’t sudden but it sure felt like it.

“You sure? The first day and running out isn’t a good impression.”

“Man, I don’t care. As long as you come in tomorrow or tell me if you can’t for some reason. He was kinda cute anyway, go with him.”

“...Thanks.”

You weren’t even mad this time when he texted you.  _ Looks like you  _ **_will_ ** _ be coming with me ‘now.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was trying to do a 'one update a day until I need to do every other day because of classes' type schedule but I wrote this and I just have 0 self control and had to post it jesus christ my rambling habits are jumping out


	4. If that makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its honestly so fun seeing my best friend read this and DESPISE Frank while everyone else thinks he's very interesting lmao anyway thank you for the support on this!!

“Could you at least tell me where we’re going?” 

Frank shook his head. Somehow in the few minutes he had between leaving the shop and waiting on you, he had managed to grab his mask and ditch the beanie. He wasn’t wearing it, though, and it was instead held in his hand. What was the point of bringing the mask if they were in clear sight? God, he was weird. You were stuck with him despite how weird he was, so it looked like you would just have to get used to it.

“Why not?” you pried, motioning to his mask, “I mean, it’s not like it would be any worse than letting me see your face. And I  _ am _ supposed to trust you, right?”

“I want it to be a surprise.”

“Why the hell do you want to surprise me? You’ve done a lot of it and it’s never been anything good.”

“The passive-aggressive approach hasn’t been working so now I’m trying to be ‘nice’ to you. It seemed like a better option compared to just being straight-up aggressive,” Frank sighed, rolling his eyes. Maybe if he hadn’t been a dick in the first place you wouldn’t have such a problem with him. Less than ten minutes ago he had stood across from you at a counter, mumbling about consequences and now he was trying to be NICE. 

You couldn’t complain too much. You liked the idea that maybe he was actually trying to be a decent person instead of… whatever being aggressive was. You imagined it had something to do with you getting hurt in some way, shape, or form. Maybe the ally situation but instead of a quick drag, you would be getting thrown around? Whatever. You just didn’t want aggressive.

It felt wrong to sit and profile him while walking right beside him. From what you could tell, you were the last thing he was worried about. He kept his head low, eyes trained on the ground, and occasionally would readjust his grip on the bunny-mask. You weren’t trying to pretend he was a good person, no. So far he had been the exact opposite. But something about how quiet and vague he was made you feel sort of sorry for him. He probably didn’t like this any more than you did! Unless he did. Maybe he was some weird emotional sadist? Maybe.

“Even if it’s out of the corner of your eye I can still tell when you’re watching me,” Frank said, straightening up and looking at you. You, meanwhile, suddenly found the sidewalk very interesting. For a moment you thought you heard him chuckle but the more you thought about it, it was probably a cough or a scoff.

Suddenly, he stopped, reaching his arm out in front of you like a hint for you to also since you had decided you weren’t paying him any attention after being called out. You expected to just be at some shitty place he would consider half-decent but no. He had listened to you and gone somewhere better than an ally. Not  _ much _ better but a building! A cafe specifically.

You had been a few times, no more than three, and the coffee was alright. It was a very hole-in-the-wall place, the only people you had ever seen there were theatre kids after a performance and the occasional couple, sometimes people just coming in for coffee alone. You were definitely happy to see it compared to some old brick walls. 

You followed Frank to a small table in the corner of the cafe. You had expected him to pick somewhere else since he valued privacy so much, but no, his back was to a window. This was an unusual but okay change.

“Okay, I agreed to come with you, now can you please just tell me whats going on? I wouldn’t hate you so much if you would stop being so edgy.”

“I’d consider myself more mysterious than edgy, but I did tell you that I would explain. I’ll try and put this in a way you would understand,” he said, though he didn’t sound happy about it. “I, like most people, have a job. Part of it requires research and information. Constantly. This time, the information isn’t easy to just grab. I need a source. So I’ve been stuck with you to gather intel, as I said before.”

“Alright, and? Is that all?”

“No. You were the best approach I had. You’re important to what I have to do, but you will never be directly involved. I’ll compare it to co-workers again, but I have a higher position, and you… don’t do much. For things to go the way they should, you will have to trust me. Seriously.”

Did you understand a word he said? Yes, for once. He wasn’t good at explaining things, like, at all, but at least he tried? You could see what he meant and since he needed you to trust him so badly, you didn’t see why he would be lying. Did you like him? No. That still wasn’t gonna happen. But you were okay with tolerating him.

“Fine. I get it. You have a job, I guess I can respect it. But if I’m supposed to trust you, explain... This.”

He scrunched his nose up in confusion. “What is ‘this?’”

“The cafe? Why here? It means nothing to me but you mentioned it being a surprise.”

“Since I need you to trust me, and clearly you are only giving me the bare minimum, I wanted to go somewhere slightly personal. You have that skate-store and Mully’s. I have a cafe. It’s quiet here. I like it. The only place with some decent espresso.”

“And how about your mask? The gloves? At least explain the suit you normally wear. Just so you know, the suit is creepy. Super creepy. I can’t tell if the suit or you in casual clothing is worse.”

“You don’t need to worry about the mask, the gloves keep my hands clean when things aren’t, and the suit is a work choice. Something you do not need to worry about. Any more unnecessary questions? Or is there something worth talking about we should discuss?”

You were starting to question why you agreed to this, or better yet, how this was his definition of ‘nice.’ It was an improvement for sure but not exactly hitting the mark. “One last thing. What colour are your eyes?”

“What? Why?”

“They confuse me. They’re pretty red sometimes. All the time. I haven’t seen your face for too long so I guess all the time.”

“You entirely confuse me, first off. But they’re brown if that’ll help you sleep at night. You have a ton of weird questions.”

“I said that was my last one.”

“Great. Unless you want to get coffee, I think we can both leave now.”

“You would stay if I got coffee? How nice of you.”

“Don’t take that personally please, but I did drag you to  _ my _ spot and would prefer not to leave you alone in it.”

“Fair enough but yeah, I’m good with just leaving. I prefer energy drinks.”

“I know.”

“Oh, right. The whole watching me thing. I’m assuming you can let up on that now? At least a little?”

“Yes. Most of my problems came from you not willing to listen. This sets the record a little straighter.”

The two of you hopped up, you trailing behind him as you headed out. You were always behind him, literally and metaphorically. As threatening as it had sounded earlier, he really was ahead. He had sources and information you didn’t. You were starting to walk off as he stayed by the door, leaning against the building and pulling out a lighter.

“You smoke?” That was a dumb question. No shit he did, it wasn’t like you were expecting him to commit arson with a one-dollar lighter.

“I could have sworn you said asking about my eye colour was your last question. Yes, I do. It isn’t anything consistent, just an occasional thing when I’m stressed.”

Damn, you wouldn’t consider yourself that stressful. Apparently, he did. “You know it’s bad for your lungs, right?”

“Have you ever smoked weed?”

“I mean, yeah, mainly with friends though. What does that have to do with cigarettes though?”

“All forms of smoke are bad for your lungs.”

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious. You look like the type of guy who would drink the bong water because he thinks he would get higher from it.”

“One, I don’t look like I would do that, you just don’t like me. Two, I would not do that because it’s unsanitary and I’m not stupid.”

“Whatever. Just be safe or something close enough to it, I’m not sticking around.”

You felt like Frank when you said that. Both of you were no better than the other when it came to the health of your lungs, but both of you were also determined to sound better than the other. For once there wasn’t a way for either of you to be the smart one. Was either of you even right? It didn’t matter.

What mattered was how for some odd reason, you kind of didn’t hate him as much on your walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i kind of like rambling in the notes, really scratches a spot in my brain lmao but quick note I actually know nothing about if weed is better than cigarettes and I SMOKE WEED so I promise you this is a no-judgement zone, just thought it would be a fun lil conversation between them where for once nobody is the slick one yknow?? Frank is human too, he has bad habits like anyone else


	5. This was supposed to be fun .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh i'll explain myself at the end notes

You were exhausted when you came into work the next day. You had slept just fine and had plenty of uninterrupted alone time after the cafe but the idea that you had agreed to Frank using you as just a plug to retain information was distressing. What did he need to know? And why were you the ‘safest’ option? It wasn’t like he would tell you if you asked and there was no way to sneak around his back and find out. You didn’t know anything about him or who he worked for. 

Shit. You  _ really _ didn’t know anything about him. At all. Okay, quick recap… What do you know about him… It was hard to think of anything worth knowing. All you could come up with was his name is Frank, he has brown eyes, he smokes cigarettes, and he likes the local cafe because it’s quiet. Those were the only facts you had. None of that was going to help you in the slightest. 

Maybe you needed to worry less about the whole Frank deal and more about yourself in general. It had been a while since you did that. In a way, you felt fake. You were cold and cautious around him, but so open and expressive around your family and friends, and at work you just felt.. Bland. Stress was taking too much of a toll on your personality. You had good things worth worrying about and here you were, worrying that your customer service persona was too bland. And you were thinking about that while at work. Damn.

You could excuse it for now. You treated him like an ass because he was one, and of course, you were open with your friends. There were things to do. So you snapped out of your head and smiled as the next customer came up to the counter, doing your best to be of good service and continued your shift. Overthinking was for later.

“Dude, you look dead. Are you okay?” Dorian asked, using the reflective surface of the counter to touch up her eyeliner. You two had just closed the shop at two, and you were pretty glad. Ignoring your thoughts with nothing else to think about was worse than just thinking.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m alright. Just pretty tired, that’s it.”

“Is it about yesterday? Date go rough with that guy? Shame if it did, he was so cute! Sorry, I’m not letting you talk, am I? My bad.”

You shook your head, “It’s okay, seriously, Dorian. He and I weren’t on a date, we just had some business to sort out. I don’t know how it went though.”

Dorian thought for a moment, totally evaluating you. As always, she seemed so calm. Must have been nice. Even if she was calm, she also had so much energy when she spoke that it hurt your brain to think about it. When you met during her shift she seemed bored but once she came busting in to look for you in the diner, you realised that was probably just a bad day for her. 

“Okay! Here’s a plan. You clearly need to get out and be social. You said something about needing a distraction at Mully’s, right? So I can make a distraction other than this job. How about we go out tonight? We may as well be friends anyway. This town is just a bit too big to be an ‘everybody knows everybody’ so friends don’t hurt.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have anything better to do?”

“I mean, I could stay home and cuddle with my cat. But I seriously don’t want to, he’s kind of bitchy and doesn’t like cuddling. Do  _ you _ have something better to do?”

“Well, no. So.. Okay. We should go out, you’re right. What time are you thinking?”

“How about eleven? Tomorrow is Thursday so we won’t open until twelve. We can afford to be out a little late.”

“Wait, you mean like  _ out  _ out? Like a bar or something?”

“More or less, yeah. You don’t have to drink or anything. They’re just loud and there are tons of people so it would be fun! You are twenty-one, right? I am but I’ve been using fake IDs since I was like fifteen. Coming in with a real one blew my cover but it’s not like they could kick me out if I was there with a valid one.”

Dorian sounded insane to you. As much as you enjoyed going out and the occasional party, you couldn’t say you’d ever been to any sort of bar or club. Then again you just turned twenty-one and wouldn’t be allowed in one before that. Plus, she was right, you didn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to. It was just harmless fun.

“You’re crazy, just so we’re on the same page here, but I’m up for it.”

“Great! Dress up a bit, by the way. It’s way more fun when you look like a baddie and not just act like one.” She scrambled around for a piece of paper before just pulling out her phone and handing it to you. “Here, just type in your number and name, then I’ll save the contact and text you later.”

You did as she said, even adding a little heart by your name. You didn’t find it interesting or cool but she seemed like the type to decorate her contacts full of emojis. Dorian looked happy enough when the phone was back in your hands so you must have been right. “Well, text me later. See you tonight.”

_ Hey!! We still on for tonight? :) _

__ _ Yeah! Meet you there? _

_ Mhm!! Tonight will be good I promise lmao _

__ Well, at least one of you was hopeful. If you wanted to be there on time you needed to leave in the next five minutes. Dorian had sent you the location earlier and you had decided it was too far to walk for once, an Uber would be best, but you were still stalling. Were you even supposed to go out like this? For fucks sake. Of course, you were allowed to. The deal with Frank was about privacy and information when he needed a source, which seemed to be often but still not often enough where you weren’t allowed to have a life. Maybe you were just scared? Definitely scared.

Giving your phone one last glance, you headed out and caught your ride. 

Dorian had been on her phone when you showed up, excitedly shoving it in her bag when she saw you. “You look good! Nice but still casual. Plaid pants are a good choice, really matches the top but not in a dull way. Looks fun still.”

She was one to talk. You enjoyed casual clothes, it was all you had. You didn’t go out like this and were never anywhere even slightly formal so this was the best you could think of. Her, though? Went over-the-top. Bolder eyeliner than she wore to work, black skater dress, a choker, silver chain… You had liked how she balanced energetic and laid-back energy but this was tipping both sides of the scale. It gave you a feeling this was going to be a long, long night.

But you didn’t say that. You just tried to smile and shrugged. “You look good yourself. So, I’m assuming you do this often? I’m barely legal so you should probably catch me up on this.”

“Okay, yeah. Don’t look shy or nervous with your ID. Even though it is real, it just makes you look suspicious. If you want to order drinks just ask for what you want, and as for how you pay, they’ll usually just scan your card when you order and make sure you pay by the end of the night. It’s more casual than it seems. Don’t leave your drink sitting around, keep your hand over it, and don’t leave with anybody suspicious.”

“You’re making this all seem simple.”

“That’s cause it is. Also! We come together, we leave together. If anything changes, you tell me, and I tell you too. Nothing bad will happen, I swear, but it’s just a general rule for everybody. I’ve had to track down my group plenty of times but it’s just a safety thing. This isn’t dangerous, I swear! Just general precautions.” 

“Is that it?”

“Should be, now come on!”

Once the two of you were in, Dorian was holding your hand and dragging you through the forming crowd and to the bar. You were trying to adjust to the surroundings (people, music, some sort of LED lights?) while she was waving over the bartender and trying to order a drink.

“Can I get a Liquid Marijuana cocktail? Thanks! You want anything, (Y/N)?”

“I’m good. I don’t really like alcohol that much.”

“Suit yourself,” she hummed, immediately trying to down the drink. “I won’t get drunk, I promise. I’m not a lightweight either so I don’t think you needed to worry about that anyway.”

“I wasn’t, you can do whatever you want. I just think it’s nasty, nothing personal. So do you do this often? Coming here, I mean. I feel like a kid compared to you here! And we’re the same age!”

“Not too often, no. Mainly when things just get a little too stressful I give myself a night to go out, either get fucked up or fuck things up, and forget about it after. You definitely need a night to do the same. I don’t know what has you so tired but I promise that you won’t even think about it tonight.”

You laughed, “Okay, whatever you say! I’m looking forward to whatever this is.”

“Good, because I think we should start having fun now. You like dancing?”

“Just as much as anybody else. Why?”

“And do you know the song that's playing?”

“Yeah, it’s by MARINA. Didn’t everyone love this in middle school?”

“Of course they did. It’s perfect. Since you know it and you haven’t disagreed with dancing, we’re dancing! Now! Come on!”

“What about your drink?”

“Finished it! Now come on!”

You found yourself being dragged around by Dorian yet again. Was everyone this fast-paced when out? You looked around seeing various groups of friends together, a few couples, and people flirting for the night and decided they were. Though you didn’t hate dancing, it wasn’t a favourite. You found yourself mainly following her lead until you were comfortable. 

You had to admit, something was relaxing about this. Songs you hadn’t bothered to listen to since seventh grade, so many people around you that you didn’t matter, you were just part of the crowd, having someone there with you who didn’t care  _ at all _ . You and Dorian were taking turns spinning each other around, arms getting tangled every now and then and you had to admit it was fun. Why hadn’t you ever thought of these sort of moments before? Either you needed better friends or just more of them.

One song turned into two, and two turned into four, and four ended up being ten. You were out of breath by the time you both decided on a break and scouted for an empty table to sit at. Dorian was grinning and trying to comb her hair out of her face as she practically fell into the seat.

“I told you it would be fun! Dancing gets a little tiring after a while though. Breaks are good. Speaking of breaks-- I’m gonna find the bathrooms. Don’t wander too far if you decide to get up!” Dorian explained, taking a few deep breaths before getting back up and weaving her way through people and tables. 

You nodded and pulled out your phone, just trying to pass time. After two minutes that got pretty boring so you instead watched the various people walking by, dancing, doing whatever. Not much better but it was still mildly entertaining. Everything is more entertaining with ABBA playing in the background. You were humming along, something about the lyrics ‘ _ don’t go wasting your emotions _ ’ playing in your mind when you saw a familiar face slip past a couple and slide into an empty chair and light a cigarette, mask pulled aside onto the left side of his head. He didn’t even notice you. He just inhaled and blew out smoke. Was that even allowed? Probably not.

“Who are you staring at?” Dorian asked, sitting down across from you, “also the line was surprisingly short. Never been able to go in and piss faster.”

“Huh? Oh, it’s nobody. Just zoned out.”

“Well, alright. Anyway. I saw the cutest girl while I was in line oh my god. She had this super cool septum piercing, and her hair was such a pretty strawberry blonde…”

You tried to listen to Dorian but simply couldn’t. Not after who you just saw. You had managed to forget all about him and here he was! 

Why the FUCK was he there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it is currently like 9:30 pm as I type this and I'm sorry for posting so late?? I had to go to class today for some whack "here's the programs we will be using for remote learning" thing and was busy after too yikes . Also spent most of my time with friends so I apologise and just want to say if my updates become splotchy it is NOT because I lost motivation, it's because school starts on Monday and I'm expected to get in class every day from like 8-2 or 3ish. 
> 
> don't analyse this chapter too hard I'm a minor I've never been to any bar or club and I was simply using stories I've heard as a backbone here :( dorian has some good drink taste though


	6. i want to fucking stab him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out for the three sips of redbull I had before writing this, it's lowkey kinda nasty and I have decided monster is better but I will now be finishing the can <3

You were barely listening to Dorian. She was still going on about how pretty that girl had been, how she smelled like strawberries, totally consumed. You were nodding along and occasionally saying small comments like ‘aw’ or ‘she sounds cute’ but you weren’t paying attention. You were zoned out, staring at the table, occasionally making contact with her while also taking glances at… him. 

He wouldn’t have followed you  _ here. _ Surely not. He would have caught you looking if he had. You would have gotten some weird text, or you would be actively talking to you, pretending to be the random acquaintance you had ‘business’ with and not the guy who had become your number one problem throughout what? Five days? Something around that. You weren’t sure you counted right. It was probably more like Four and a half.

“What should I do?” Dorian whined, picking at hair polish. Shit, she wanted advice? 

“Oh, uh, you should go find her! Get her number! It sounds like you two would be cute together. If all goes wrong you can listen to Strawberry Blond with a little more yearning.” Hopefully, she was still talking about the girl. You were gonna be fucked if she wasn’t.

“Really? See, this is why we need to be friends. You’re amazing. I’m gonna go find her! I’ll text you if I’m successful.” She reached across the table, lightly patting your cheek as a ‘thanks’ and was gone. As much as you were enjoying hanging out, you were glad Dorian was distracted by another person. It gave you time to be distracted by your crisis.

Your little ‘problem’ truly was oblivious. He wasn’t even glancing in your direction. Instead, he was busy putting out his cigarette on the table, covering the action with his other arm because the bartender had looked over at him after smelling smoke. As much as you tried to convince yourself that he was there to ruin your day again, he wasn’t. This was a real coincidence and you would just have to try and avoid him. It would be better for both of you.

‘ _ He smokes when he’s stressed. _ ’ Stressed. That’s what he was making you! He wasn’t the only one! This whole night was a plan you made because you were stressed and now the stressor was there too. Fuck it, you were getting something to drink. Water, alcohol, it didn’t matter. You would decide when you got up to the bar. Water was calming in its own way so you would probably just get that.

The bartender finished up some group’s drinks before sliding you yours. Yeah, water was a good choice. You may have been stressed because of Frank but if you were some sort of really bad light-weight, he would probably be an even bigger problem than he was now. 

Frank wasn’t worried about you right now though. He was staring blindly at the bright LED lights, zoned out. He hated everything at the moment. The bunch of assholes he worked for, himself, you. The list went on for quite a while. 

You two must have had some sort of force pulling each other to the same places other than whatever weird intel he needed. There had to be. There was no reason for him to suddenly get up and walk over, stealing the stool beside you as if he had intended to do that the whole time. You were tempted to just start crying from frustration now that he was there. Why was he there? You didn’t look at him (not directly) and he didn’t look at you.

“You know, we went over this yesterday. I know when you’re looking at me even if it’s out of the corner of your eye,” Frank said. You weren’t surprised this time.

“We went over several things yesterday.”

“I’m going to assume you hate small talk as much as me and get to the point. Why are you here?”

Why were  _ you  _ here? He had the audacity to invade your personal life and even come invade it now, when he didn’t need to, and still had the guts to ask  _ YOU _ why you were there? How charming! But you couldn’t say that aloud. It wouldn’t do you any good or change the fact he was. “My friend wanted to make plans with me. She’s out flirting with a girl she saw so I’m getting water and minding my business. Why are you here?”

The lights, which had been blue for the past thirty minutes, faded to red. You had forgotten that they were on some weird rotation of changing every half an hour. Hell, you hadn’t even noticed before. It was a little ironic.

“I have a personal life too. I’m not entitled to tell you everything I do or explain myself to you. I explained yesterday because I had to.”

“You randomly showed up in my life with the reason being to invade my personal life, even if you had to. The least you could do in return is answer my question. You said it yourself, I should trust you. So give me a reason I should.”

Both of you turned and looked at each other then. He had taken the mask off entirely and set it down in front of him, and you were sort of glad. It was easier to talk back when you could see his facial expressions. You knew your limits and realistically, based on the way he was looking at you, you had reached them. But did he know his? How far was he willing to go to argue with you?

Instead of anything escalating, he rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. “I hope you know that I find you just as infuriating as you find me. Believe it or not, my entire life kind of revolves around this kind of bullshit. You aren’t the only person out there who would love to bash my head in. Sadly for you, you are the only person where the feeling is entirely mutual all of the time.”

“I wouldn’t ever try to, though. I’m not stupid either.”

“You act like it sometimes with the things you ask me and I can’t promise I wouldn’t try to bash yours in. The main thing stopping me is my morals and the fact I shouldn’t hurt you.

“One, I didn’t know you had morals. Two, you asked me the exact same question. So will you answer it? Or not?”

“Maybe. If it’s what it takes for you to not ask me any more useless questions. I came here because I wanted to be away from everyone I know. Everyone in town, myself, you also but that isn’t the point. Is that a good enough answer?”

“Sure.”

You two went back to silence and stared anywhere but at each other. You were distracted by your phone, a text from Dorian popping up.

_ So I found the girl and she thinks I’m pretty!! We’re gonna dance for a while is that chill? _

__ _ Yeah! Go get your girl!! _

_ **My future wife <3 _

__ You smiled, shaking your head a bit. If they got married you would date anybody Dorian told you to. Sadly, this brief moment of relief and happiness passed very quickly.

“What are you smiling at?”

“My friend. You need some friends or something, maybe we wouldn’t want to see each other dead if you had some. Would help you understand not everyone is a mysterious, closed up dick with a superiority complex.”

Frank sighed, “What the hell do you want to know about me, then? Since I’m so closed up. You don’t  _ need _ to know anything about me! All that matters is what I know about you. You’re twenty-one, you’re adopted, you have an older brother and niece, you live on the second floor of your apartment building, you’ve spent about $50 in three months on energy drinks alone which is an odd choice, by the way, those are just the basics. What, do you want my life story now too or something?”

“Maybe I do, Frank! I know nothing about you, nothing like what you know about me! You could probably tell me my exact weight if I asked! All I know about you is I’m your source of intel on who knows what, you smoke cigarettes, you like the local cafe, and your eyes are just a really weird shade of brown, not red! See how none of that compares?”

“Well, what do you expect me to do about it? Play thirty-six questions with you? For someone who claims I’m an asshole and you don’t like me, you are very invested in what my life is like.”

“Because you know every detail about mine! And if that’s what it takes to get you to make this fair, sure! Just tell me about you! At least a little!”

“Okay, okay! God, what do you want to know? Don’t answer that. I’ll just give you a summary. You already know my name and I’m twenty-three. I don’t like crowds unless I can blend into them or get metaphorically lost in them. I’ve done a lot of things I’m… not proud of. Things you wouldn’t want to know. And I don't spend ungodly amounts of money on caffeine unless it’s coffee. Is that enough?”

“It’s a start,” you urged. You wanted to genuinely know Frank. It wasn’t just out of your anger at him for knowing everything about you yet dangling everything about himself just out of your grasp. A part of you was curious. Sometimes he seemed almost apologetic to you, apologising or saying something about how he can’t change the circumstances. Other times you just wanted him to shut up. 

He said what you were thinking. In the first part, anyway. “You confuse me, (Y/N). So fucking bad. You treat me like your biggest problem but also act like you want to be friends or something like that with all these questions. We aren’t friends. Don’t get that idea.”

“I never thought we were for even a second. Unless this is some trick.”

“Oh, so you think  _ I _ want to be friends? I don’t but since you think I’m just full of tricks, I’ve only used facts on you and maybe a little manipulation but not tricks, why don’t we act like friends? The rest of the night, you and I can just pretend we’re each other’s  _ favourite _ people. Your real friend is probably going to be sticking with that girl for a while and you will be stuck with me.”

“Fine! Let’s do it. Don’t think this means I hate you any less.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. The feeling is still mutual. But let’s start pretending.”

As if on cue, that’s when you caught Dorian’s eye across the room, her glancing at the blonde girl and then pointing at you and motioning for you to ‘come here.’ You and Frank were going to have to learn how to pretend and it would have to be quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm still mad that class is gonna totally fuck up my 'at least once a day' updates but on the bright side I do have math with I think all of my friends maybe -1 because she doesn't know if she does or not but my poor math teacher is going to hate it


	7. "friends"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i will just explain my lack of updates at the end again oops also very sorry this is short I'm v tired but the next chapter will be longer,, i swear

“This is gonna be fun. You said you were trying to be nice to me anyway,” you said, glancing up at Frank as you made your way over to the girls. Frank took a deep breath, most likely to keep himself from being too snarky with you. After all, you guys needed to start acting like friends by the time you were in earshot. It also could have been him resisting the temptation to just take his hand and shove you, you swear you saw him move his arm and then relax so this was very plausible.

“Is it going to be fun or are you looking forward to receiving positive attention from me? Because so far, it looks like you just want me to get along with you. No matter how much you try to fight with me.”

“In your dreams, asshole. I think us acting like friends is going to be fun, and not whatever the hell you just tried saying. Dorian seems to like you anyway from when you came into Kick-Side.”

“I barely spoke then.”

“I know. I wouldn’t question, to be honest, she’s nice. Act how you want with me but at least respect my friends.”

“I was going to anyway but I’m  _ thrilled _ to know we think so highly of each other here.”

Dorian only caught the last sentence of your banter and didn’t seem to have any concerns about it. Thank God. You didn’t need to start this off by trying to pretend that all of what had just been said was sarcasm and not how you two genuinely treat each other. It took her a second to get a good look at Frank before she fully recognised him from the skate-shop.

“Oh, hey!” Dorian exclaimed, “I knew your voice was familiar but I forgot why. You’re that guy who came in and left with (Y/N). I didn’t know how whatever that was went but I’m assuming good?”

Frank nodded. “Things went fine, got a little personal but in the end we sorted out what we had to. I’m sorry for taking away your employee like that but it was important.”

“It’s chill, it was pretty boring that day anyway. So are you guys friends, a couple…? (Y/N) said you were acquaintances but I highly doubt it.”

“We’re just close friends, definitely not a couple. Would never even consider it. Why would you say we’re acquaintances, though?” This was very clearly directed at you. His expression was in no way negative but you could tell by the way his shoulders tensed that he was either frustrated with you or relying on you to fill in the plot-hole before things went south.

So, you bullshitted something. “Well, you know how we had that small argument over you know what? I thought you would be mad at me longer than you were so I just tried to make it seem like we weren’t close so I could give you space and not make it awkward for other people.”

“Considerate, but I prefer honesty.”

“I’ll remember that. Anyway, who’s the girl? Introduce us!”

The four of you had ended up finding a table just like before you were stuck with Frank. The blonde had introduced herself and said her name was Fiona, and both her and Dorian caught you up on what had happened while they were together and you were with Frank. It wasn’t much, mainly a lot of things they had in common, even their venus signs being compatible. Something about Dorian being a Virgo and Fiona being a Taurus? You thought astrology was interesting but had never bothered to look past your sun, moon, and rising. That was enough for you.

For someone who acted like the most insufferable prick to walk the Earth with you, Frank was surprisingly very engaged in the conversation. He was nodding along, occasionally making comments, and only looking over at you every now and then. It was awkward having to sit beside him and pretend this was someone you  _ wanted _ to be around. 

It wasn’t like it was hard to be nice to Frank. Despite how much you tried to piss him off and argue with him about it, a part of you was tired of it. Somewhere deep down, you just wanted to get along. Would you? No. Not until he gave you a reason to respect him, not until HE respected YOU. What made it hard was the fact you knew when the night was over you would go back to calling him a bitch and never looking him in the eyes unless it was to re-evaluate how badly you wanted to fight him. You would get your ass beat and it wasn’t like you condoned violence. He was just so, so frustrating. He also was sort of stalking you and you had just given up and said ‘okay, this is what happens these days. I get stalked by bunny-man, and I just don’t question anymore.’

Dorian brought you out of your head. “So, Fiona is totally my platonic soulmate or something. But are either of you gonna explain how you two became friends? You seem pretty similar but also so different it kinda hurts.”

Similar? Oh, that was bullshit. “It just sort of happened. He was out walking, I was out skateboarding, I ate shit after swerving to avoid him and the train tracks ate my board. I know he seems pretty quiet but honestly, sometimes I wish he  _ would _ be quiet.”

Frank completely got the jab. ‘ _ This is all your fault and also you create problems every time we talk _ .’

“Actually, you just can’t skate and I happened to be there and you talk way more than me. Earlier you wanted to play what? Thirty-six questions?”

He said all of this with a slightly sarcastic tone and you even saw him smile but you were not stupid. ‘ _ You broke your board and should have paid attention but I did distract you. Also, I don’t create problems. You’re just invasive and a bit of a try-hard here. _ ’

“No, I just wanted to know how you were doing, we haven’t talked much recently. I kind of care about you, dumbass.”

You did not care about his emotions, not too much. It was important he did not feel motivated to kill you or something like that, not that you thought he would, but you could never be too careful. ‘ _ What? No, I just wanted to know something about you that was worth knowing. You’re vague as hell. I want to be  _ **_even_ ** _ , dumbass. _ ’

He understood what you meant but still gave you an odd look when you said ‘care.’ It wasn’t like he thought you were being genuine or anything similar to that. It had never occurred to him that most friends also give a shit about the other or show slight affection sometimes. God, if you two had to hug or some weird shit like that, he would rather die. Having to pretend he cared about you on a personal and not professional level was bad enough.

Fiona looked from Dorian to you and Frank. Then back to Dorian, and then back to you and Frank. “So you’re both sure you’ve never thought of dating?”

You and Frank both cringed. “Not once.”

The two girls had forgotten about you and Frank. They were eagerly talking to each other, rambling about how pretty the other was and making various ‘step on me’ or ‘marry me right now’ jokes. At first, you had found it a little repetitive but they seemed happy while talking to each other so you decided not to judge. Good for Dorian! 

This did leave you and Frank to either sit there bored or find a way to entertain yourselves, though. You both had been sitting leaned towards each other as if you were going to have sort of conversation but instead you were silent. He was fiddling with the sleeves of his button-up (for once he wasn’t dressed casual or in the suit, it was more like the nice pants and button-up but no tie or the suit-jacket) and you were were trying to fool yourself into seeing pictures in the wood-texture of the table. 

Another two minutes went by and you realised you were going to be bored for quite a while if you didn’t think of something soon. What was there to talk about in the first place? 

“I’m going to go outside for a minute, someone is.. Calling me,” Frank said, grabbing the other two’s attention long enough for them to nod before going back to their conversation. You nodded too and watched as he stood up and walked off, actually heading for the back door. Damn. Maybe someone was calling him.

_ Come out here. You looked pretty fucking miserable and I know I was. No call, I’m just smoking. _

Nevermind.

Your excuse was the bathroom but you headed out the same path Frank had taken. He was leaning against the side of the building, shoving his lighter into his pocket, head leaned against the cold bricks.

“Thanks for lying to them. I don’t think I had the heart to,” you sighed, taking the spot beside him.

“Yeah, it’s whatever. They are much more tolerable than you but I couldn’t stand another second sitting there, acting like we had something to talk about ourselves. Deciding I needed to be ‘friends’ with you for the night was the worst choice I’ve ever made.”

“It was pretty hard not to say something and mess it all up. I thought about breaking down and saying I hated you at least three times.”

The second time you ever saw him smile. Seemed to be the first at least slightly genuine time, though. “I’m glad we’re on the same page. I like you much better when I don’t have to filter every word I say about you.”

“Oh, really? Say one thing you wanted to say to me earlier.”

“When you improvised the skateboard story to be a casual accident? Was very tempted to say I wish I let the car hit you but the car wasn’t part of the fake story and it wouldn’t have sounded sarcastic.”

“God, this is a disaster. I feel like I can put up with you out here more than I did in there.”

“That’s not good but not bad. I would prefer we don’t actually harm each other even if we would like to and we also need them to believe I’m some sort of ‘friend’ of yours so we can go back to this whole situation being between us and us only.”

“I could probably convince her we got into another argument but under one condition.”

“You can’t blackmail me. I’d have your arms twisted behind your back if you ever thought about it. And I mean that metaphorically for the most part.”

“I’m trying to make an agreement here. Do whatever weird information gathering you need to, okay? But tomorrow I need you to not physically bother me. I kind of want to hang out with my niece without having to worry about you.”

“You know what? Deal.”

“Thank you. Also-- we should probably head back in. And where did your mask go? I know you had it when you came over to me but you haven’t had it around Dorian and Fiona.”

“Handed it to the bartender, asked him to watch it. He didn’t question, probably doesn’t get paid enough to even worry about it.”

“Probably not. But let’s go.”

Fuck. Maybe you were starting to care about him, only a bit. He was different when you got to relate to him. Not as bitchy. If he kept acting like this or even an  _ improvement _ from this, you found yourself thinking you would trust him. 

There were still a few more steps to go before you would call it ‘trust,’ though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long story short i spent friday and Saturday with my friends and had no time at all to write. instead I was suffocating in the humidity of this horrid state, skateboarding, getting soaked in rain and creek water, just casually dying yknow. probably committed blasphemy but I'm not sure if plotting to egg someones house on a church playground counts as that I've never read the bible but anyway uh I'm so tired I'm so sorry for not updating and I know this chapter is short I'm so sorry please forgive me


	8. family time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when the sleeping meds kick in mid writing so you wrap up the chapter early :(

You had been pretty lucky when you went back inside. Dorian was leaving with Fiona, and therefore you could get out of there too. You considered just leaving and calling an Uber straight away but instead stayed a few minutes longer to talk to Frank. Damn, you were STAYING to talk to him. That was new.

“So, are you staying or are you gonna head out too?”

He shrugged. “I’ll leave. I didn’t get much peace here at all so I would much rather go home and be alone than stay here and see what else could happen.”

“Now you know how I’ve felt every single time you barge into my life. I’m calling my ride and getting out of here.”

“Have fun with that. Don’t die, dumbass.”

“Aw, you care?” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I just know the statistics of being killed by your driver.”

The next day went just as you planned. Go into work, do your job, and bolt straight to the skate park to meet up with Yutani. 

Did it sound stupid to say you genuinely had a good time hanging out with a bunch of fifteen-year-olds? Yes. Did you care? No. You loved your niece and if hanging out with a bunch of kids was what you had to do to see her happy, you would.

“I can build you a new board so you don’t have to buy a new one,” Yutani offered, rolling Tricky’s board back and forth with her foot. 

You shook your head. “You would add all sorts of special features to it and I would either break it or it would break me. I’ll pass. You should build your dad one, though.”

“He still has most of his old boards from when he was a pro and they’re one of the only things he won’t let me upgrade. I don’t even skate so I think my upgrades would confuse a professional.”

“He tried teaching me when I was a kid but he moved on too fast so I was a beginner listening to a pro explain how to transition from one trick to another. That’s why I’m teaching you,” you reminded her, using your own foot to stop the board. “First things first. Stop trying to get on sideways! Put your dominant foot towards the top of the board and keep it straight, behind the trucks is usually a good spot.”

“But how do you get from this to standing sideways? I don’t get it. I never see Jake standing like this on his board.”

“That’s because Jake is good at skateboarding and can make the change quickly. Now, take your other foot and push off the ground once or twice. Then put it on the back of the board, in front of the trucks.”

Yutani wasn’t going fast at all, but still seemed rather panicked and slammed her foot down towards the edge of the board. It tilted straight towards the ground as she fell off, her other foot pushing the board and sending it flying across the concrete. You were trying not to laugh while the rest of her friends were a little more expressive.

“Sorry, ‘Tani, you’re a really big poser,” Jake said, skating right past her, sharply turning until the board came to a halt. “Don’t tilt that hard, you’ll get hurt wayy easier than just eating it crashing.”

You rolled your eyes. “She isn’t a poser, Jake. She’s just a beginner! Doesn’t even have her own board yet.”

“What happened to yours? I already bet ten dollars on you’re busy being a real adult now.”

“Broke it when on the tracks. I might keep the wheels on it if I can just get a new board.”

Yutani dusted herself off, running after the board. You watched her just to be sure she didn’t hurt herself, shaking your head when she got back over to you and her friends. Mall-grabbing was comfortable, you had to admit, but it also hurt a bit to see her carry the board like that. “Don’t carry a board by the trucks. There isn’t much wrong with it but the grip rubbing against your clothes can start to mess them up and I don’t want you to ruin your alien costume. Mully would freak out.” 

“Skateboarding has too many rules! I understood chemistry better than I did any of this.” Yutani sighed, sitting down on the board. You ruffled her hair and sat on the ground in front of her.

“A lot of them are dumb. Mall-grabbing is just a good way to end up with some tears or aggravate your legs if you have on shorts, don’t worry about it when you aren’t wearing something nice. The grip-tape really, really hurts when it scratches more than just your hands. We can continue whenever you’re ready.” 

A few minutes later both of you were up, you jogging alongside Yutani as she nervously wobbled on the board. This was way more progress than Tricky had made with her and you were pretty glad. If you could teach her to skate it would make future birthday presents so much easier! You buy a skater a pack of stickers, a new hoodie, flannel, hell, even a beanie and they’re thrilled. If someone had bought you some cool things for your board or to help fit into the traditional skater vibe when you were fifteen you would have been thrilled! 

While you were distracted by thinking, you barely managed to catch Yutani flailing her arms as an attempt to stay balanced before panicking and jumping off the board. Luckily, she landed on her feet and you had no problems.

“At least you know how to stop when you think you’re gonna crash,” you said, picking up the board before it could get too far. 

“How long before I can learn tricks? I know a lot of them are very fast-paced. Jake can do basic ones within five seconds sometimes.”

“At this rate? A few months.”

“No!!”

You handed Tricky her board as she hopped up from the bench. “Can we all go to Mully’s? I’m getting bored not being able to skate and I’m pretty sure Jake is starving.”

Jake was always starving but that wasn’t the point. Everyone seemed to agree so the little group (plus you) headed out, you walking in the back with Yutani while Tricky, Jake, and Fresh all skated ahead.

Maybe it was good you were board-less. It always sucked to be the newbie in a group of skaters or the one without a board yet so being able to keep Yutani company was very beneficial. Brax had always left you behind back in high school when you were learning how to skate but would usually wait at the corner while you struggled to keep up and not go flying because of slightly lifted cracks in the sidewalk.

By the time you all reached the restaurant,  _ everyone _ seemed hungry. You counted all the money the teens had thrown onto the table, adding in your own five to get… around twenty-three dollars. 

Lumping in the few dollars you scraped up around your room had always been one of your least favourite parts of being a teen. Being an adult was so much better when it came to how much money you had available to you. You actually understood money management to some extent and had a job! 

The kids didn’t seem to care though and soon enough you were paying for everyone’s individual order and a basket of fries everyone would just have to split.

“So, has anything interesting happened lately? High school can’t be  _ that _ boring,” you said.

Yutani nodded. “A few weeks ago I found some weird anti-gravity contraption. Jake thinks we could make hover-boards out of it but I don’t know how to mimic the technology. I have no idea how it’s supposed to work!

“Very funny, Yutani. Seriously! What have you been up to?”

“I am being serious! We dug it up with the metal detector I made while we were out by the guard’s tracks.”

“This is so unfair. Your life is more exciting than mine.”

That was a lie. Your life was very exciting. You were balancing Frank, work, family time… To you, that was all very eventful. Finding an anti-gravity machine had to be so much cooler than that, though.

It was probably fake if you were realistic. Teenagers lied all the time! Like that one time, Yutani said she was using a good-quality dye for the purple stripe in her bangs. That had been a bunch of bullshit. She was using Splat and you had spent the hour after explaining how bad Splat was and introducing her to brands like Manic Panic and Arctic Fox.

It was a shame you didn’t believe her. Yutani was being very, very honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school starts tomorrow so my updates :(( not looking good. i am so tired right now omg I feel like if I blink too hard I will pass out I am barely even spelling any of this right it is my spelling check app thing correcting everything


	9. friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help I was playing subway surfers in class today and I had my phone below the laptop so I was looking down and my teacher thought I was bored so here's my dumbass scrambling to unmute and turn down my facetime call incase it echoed (was calling someone who was in class too) and say aha yeah super bored mhm

A little after the sun had sent, you walked with Yutani back home. You hadn’t believed her at the restaurant but the more you thought about it, the more believable it sounded. It wasn’t like your life wasn’t decently exciting either so it was entirely possible for your niece to be digging up unknown technology.

You wouldn’t ask her about it though. 

Yutani had never seriously lied to you about anything. Small, innocent or ‘I don’t want you to be mad’ lies, sure. Everyone told those. But she had never lied about something important. You just didn’t trust her to tell you about something so… huge. For all you knew, this was part of an assignment or some weird game they made up. So while she went to her room to get ready for bed and tend to various machines she had built and put to use, you decided to ask Mully. 

“Hey, while we have a minute, can I ask you something?” You asked, sitting on the arm on the couch.

“Uhh, sure. What is it? I can probably help but if this is about the robot waitress, even ‘Tani is having trouble working with her sass levels.”

“No, it isn’t about the robot. Has Yutani talked to you about the gravity thingy she found a few weeks ago?”

“Yeah. I don’t know where it could have come from. She’s had her fair amount of experiments go wrong trying to work with it,” he admitted, though he didn’t seem worried about it. Were you the only one who didn’t see random, foreign technology popping up as just everyday business? “Why?”

“Just curious, I thought maybe she was being dramatic. Really big find.” You felt your phone buzz in your pocket and took a glance at it, confused, before sighing. Oh god. “I was gonna stay and hang out for a bit but someone needs me.”

“You’ve seemed pretty busy lately. Do you rest anymore?”

You smiled, “I get eight hours of sleep, don’t I? That’s as good as I’m gonna get. I’ll see you later. Also, talk to Yutani about fixing the alert system! I almost lost my hand to being an ‘intruder’ again.”

You sat on the sidewalk outside as you texted back your  _ favourite _ problem. You really needed to save his number already.

_ Texting doesn’t count as bothering, does it? Besides the point. We need to talk. Soon.  _

__ _ How soon is soon? _

_ Next 48 hours…? _

__ _ Can we just meet now? I’m out of the house anyway _

_ Meet me where we first met. _

For a moment you were confused. The side of the road? That didn’t make sense. OH. He meant the enclosed area. It would normally take you about seven minutes on your skateboard to get there from where you already were but shit, you were still board-less. If you run it would take about what? Fourteen minutes? Hope Frank doesn’t mind waiting.

When you stumbled into the opening roughly thirteen, maybe fourteen like you had guessed, minutes later, it was clear he didn’t. He had climbed up an old rusted ladder on the side of one of the cars and was laying on top of it, the mask laid on his stomach. When you were able to pull yourself up, you could see the little indents on the side of his face from wearing it, like when you took a hair-tie off your wrist. Must not have waited long.

“You look calm for someone who needs to talk to me.”

“I never outright said it was urgent, just implied it was a bit important. I’m giving you a second to breathe, you’re no use if the only thing you can think about is how out of breath you are and not what I’m saying.”

“Fair point.”

You two sat there in silence for a few minutes, you speaking up first. “So… are you going to tell me? I think I can listen.”

“As I told you, I use you as an indirect source to gather information on things I can't tell you about. For personal reasons and your own sake. I recently gathered some information I, well, more of my employers, find useful. I tried to use it to solve something the company is trying to work with and it backfired. Needless to say, my boss is pissed and I made an error. You’re going to be stuck with me longer than I thought. My bet was a month at most, maybe two.”

“Would be a really eventful month.”

“And informative. My mistakes set me back and now you have to deal with me for longer. That’s the point here. Did you want communication? Well, now I’m giving it to you. If I have to spend more time around you, for real this time, I want  _ real _ trust. I don’t like to admit that to you. You are frustrating, you ask too many questions, you’re just another messy young adult. That makes it almost impossible to work with you the way I have to. So I’m going to tell you now: Trust me.” 

The two of you looked at each other then. He didn’t look annoyed or frustrated like every other time he was insisting you listened to him. He didn’t look expressive at all, just blank and calm. You didn’t know if you should agree, no questions asked, or take this as a chance to be personal. Finally, you nodded and sighed.

“Okay. I know we’ve been arguing almost every day now and until yesterday I didn’t even like you in the slightest but I don’t see a reason you would be lying to me right now.”

“There are lots of ways I’m lying to you all the time. Are you sure you don’t have some sort of insight on this at all? Every other day you insist on knowing what’s going on and I always say you don’t need to know.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s not like you’re gonna tell me if I ask. It’s easier to trust you than fight you every day. I have a life aside from you, just like you have one away from me. Not a hard concept, dummy.”

He was silent. Normally you and Frank had plenty of things to say to each other but something felt different this time. The more time you spent around him, the more tired you got of fighting and the more you just wanted to have a common ground. 

Frank also seemed done with it. He looked back at the sky, studying the stars, you lingering on him before you looked away too. This was your first entirely civil and calm conversation and it felt like a rush of adrenaline. It felt freeing to finally be able to sit there beside him and not immediately think of running away, possibly getting hurt, or pushing him off the train car. 

The silence was comfortable but part of you still wanted to talk. Now that you were both on the same ground here, you wanted to know so many things. Was this a personal choice or was he forced? Was there some sort of bonus he got for doing this? Instead, you just asked one small question.

“Are you like… okay? You mentioned your boss is mad at you. I don’t think you’re a necessarily terrible person but you don’t seem like you follow every rule either. Whoever you work with sounds like a scary person to have on your bad side.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Do you even have emotions? Like, real ones?”

“Of course I do. Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t know! You sure don’t act like it though.”

“Emotions get in the way when you live as I do. You’re right, I don’t follow every rule. I would lose every sense of humanity I have if I did. My personal feelings would even get in the way of this little meeting.”

“Do you  _ like _ this? The whole… ‘trust and accept the situation’ thing.”

“Maybe, I don’t know!” he sighed, turning his head to look back at you. Instead of looking bored or blank like earlier, he finally looked conflicted. “You want honesty? Here it is. I hate lying. I always have. My morals don’t matter though. My morals became a concept and not a fact the moment I was employed. I have done some pretty disgusting things, things you would never forgive me for, things nobody would. Now isn’t the time to tell you about any of it.”

“How do you feel about even admitting this to me in the weird way you always do? I don’t understand any of this. I never have and I never fucking will. But I’m trying to trust you so maybe you should trust me too.”

“Oh, I hate admitting all of this. But I know I have to. If we’re going to be working together, even if it’s in a biased way, you need to know me. How much you do won’t matter too much. Just know I’m sorry it has to be the way it is.”

“Frank, shut up, I don’t think it could get worse than it already is. I think you’re a bit of an asshole but I don’t think you’ve done anything that damn bad.”

“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“I’ll figure it out someday.”

“Whatever you say, stupid.”

You rolled your eyes, sitting up. “Well, okay. Whatever. I should probably leave you alone now, though. I need to get home anyway. My niece has drained all the energy from my body.”

“Your niece? Interesting. I’ll see you some other time.”

You slowly climbed down the ladder, deciding to just jump down when you got close enough to the ground. “Yeah. One last thing: hey, Frank?”

“What is it now?”

“We should genuinely hang out sometime. No spite, no information gathering or at least in an obvious way, just hanging out. You could use it.”

“I don’t need a normal social life like you have.”

“Well too fucking bad. Consider it repaying my board.”

“..Fine.”

“Great. I’ll text you this weekend?”

“Sure. That works.”

Whenever your life felt particularly boring, you sometimes tried to imagine what Frank’s life was like. You were tired, and trying to sleep, but you just couldn’t stop thinking about it. What could he have done that was so bad he refused to tell you and insisted you never needed to know? 

You assumed maybe he hurt someone once or maybe he stole?

You didn’t know. It was giving you a headache to think about it so you shut up and went to bed, blocking out your thoughts until morning.

Frank, meanwhile, was wide awake. While you had gone home, he stayed laying on the train car, staring up at the sky as if it would solve his problems.

What? Did you think he didn’t have struggles too? That’s shallow but fair. It wasn’t like he had ever treated you with much respect until recently and even then he seemed to get some personal gain from it.

As a person, he just felt disgusting. He held pride in the fact he was never physically rough with you, maybe a little that one time, but he tried his best to keep things verbal when they started getting aggressive. Was it right? Of course not. It was just so  _ easy  _ to be mad at you and blame it all on you. Now that he had fucked up and broken something, therefore putting him in a position where he had to fix it? Where he needs more information? Oh, he felt terrible. You were going to be there for so much longer,  _ HE _ would be there for so much longer. You were going to be a personal issue for him and one he needed to work on quickly.

For a minute he even considered warning you. Genuinely warning you about how shitty he was when you asked to make plans.

He wasn’t just an asshole. He had looked down and seen another man’s blood on his hands. He has worn gloves ever since. He had watched people like him’s lives get ruined as the people who loved them turned away after realising who they were. So he wore a mask, trying to separate himself from who he had to be.

It was going to be hell trying to separate him from who he needed when you texted him. Whenever that would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so do you guys even like seeing how frank feels and thinks or does it ruin the experience please let me know <33


	10. Sir what are you DOING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beck? not updating until night and not after class like she could and instead playing video games and facetiming? yeahhhh

You stopped by the shop early on Saturday to grab your first check. Dorian apologised, she swore she meant to give it to you on Friday, she just forgot and would have to do better next time. You didn’t mind at all. This was actually a chance to get a new board! Granted, that left you with a smidge over $142 and if you put the $100 in savings, you had $42 to get through the week. That wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t like you stocked your cabinets much anyway. You survived on cereal, toast, and whatever you managed to find at gas stations when out skateboarding. Oh, and energy drinks.

You considered skateboarding straight away but knew better. The board would be ten times better if you switched the wheels with the ones from your old board. You dropped the nuts a few times when trying and had to dig them out from under your couch but otherwise, you were getting pretty fast at switching wheels. Working at a skate-shop does wonders for your skills.

Shit, you had a new board! This was exciting! This also meant you would be getting around faster. You weren’t looking forward to it but you had asked him so you texted Frank to remind him of the plans you were trying to make.

_ Hey, I got a new board so if you’re free, we ARE making plans still _

You expected a response or at least to be left on read but there was nothing. Whatever, he did have a life. What it consisted of was irrelevant to you but now that you both had some sort of mutual understanding, you respected it. 

It wasn’t like you were busy any time soon. If he couldn’t reply, alright then. Putting your board on the floor, you turned on the T.V. and signed into Netflix. What was that one show you had watched with Mully? Shameless? Yeah, that. It would be a good pass time until you got a text back.

Episode one. No response.

Episode two. No response.

Episode three. Not even ‘read at xx:xx.’

Intro to episode four. You were starting to get restless at this point. You wanted to test your board and if Frank was busy for about three hours now, it would just have to be without him. You could worry about your personal relationship later. He was just some mysterious stalker you kept around because he wouldn’t leave even if you tried to make him and it just so happened he became easier to tolerate. Stretching, you threw on an old pair of vans you only kept for the memories (bottoms being burned down from stopping your board, holes and asphalt stains on the side, all that good shit) and headed out. 

It felt good to skate again. You felt a little dramatic but skating was one of your biggest passions. You didn’t know many tricks and you weren’t always the smoothest skater but it was freedom. Once you were on a board and moving, there wasn’t much someone could do to stop you unless they wanted to get hit by a skateboard and get both parties hurt. Skating was a chance to be uncaged, free, to feel the wind and instead of being afraid it will blow you away, to shut your eyes and embrace it. 

Please never actually skate downhill and shut your eyes. You had done it a few times and half you either crashed because of pebbles and sticks, almost got hit, or you just didn’t see and drifted too close to grass and fell off. Sometimes it worked out though.

The moment the wheels touched the ground, you were off. Since Frank was busy and you didn’t commit to any other plans, you were totally okay with being alone. You could go down to the tracks and mess around. You had learned as a kid that where you skated around was safe but the closer you go to the old wooden fence and stone subway tunnel, the closer you were to the guard and being close to the guard was never good. 

The kids were yet to realise you could avoid him easily by claiming your territory but you once had enjoyed the thrill of outrunning him too so you weren’t judging.

You were almost running when you got there, eager to try and balance your board on the rusty tracks. You weren’t good at it but if you tried hard enough, you could usually move a bit and not eat shit. Not having a skateboard put you a bit out of practice though and you kept falling off, fling back onto the mix of grass and gravel, shins hitting the tracks. Ouch.

You were busy falling off for the fifth time when you saw a strange shadow in the opening of the tunnel. You were about thirty-five yards away though and that was too far to get a good look. Was it the guard? Come on! You had been keeping far away from him for years now. Was he suddenly expanding his horizon? It was funny how the thought of the guard fueled you with the same energy you had as a teenager. You wanted to go investigate and even taunt him. You were in better shape from skateboarding than he ever was. Breathing patterns would help him keep stamina longer and catch people. 

Curiosity getting the best of you, you jogged closer, creeping around train cars and the occasional piece of junk until you were no more than five yards away. Someone was definitely in there, you could hear them walking further into the tunnel. It was odd you couldn’t hear his dog’s nails against the concrete but you followed anyway.

You stopped dead in your tracks when you reached the point where the tunnel began to curve, hiding behind the wall and peeking out to watch.

Was that Frank?

He was messing with what looked like very old controls. They weren’t very dusty besides from the cobweb hanging off the bottom. Did he clean them? You look around a bit more before seeing a large symbol on the wall. It was a tad bit rusty and it looked blown out like an old lightbulb. There were the remnants of spray paint on it and below it, you could clearly tell it used to spell out ‘JAKE.’ 

They seriously tagged this place? Damn. You hoped Yutani wasn’t doing any of that. Not that you had ever tagged something you shouldn’t. You were fifteen once too! You just liked to think of yourself as a good influence.

Back to Frank.

He kept fidgeting with the controls, mask pulled over his face. You were getting used to it being carried around or half on but seeing it cover his entire face was unsettling. It reminded you of that night you met and how much of a creep he had been. Why was he wearing it now? Was this all part of the same scheme?

Frank turned a few dials, looking at the tagged spot every time he did so. He would mess around, look, mess around again, and then look. This went on for a few minutes until you saw him smack the control panel. Nothing happened except for what looked like the knob of one of the dials falling off. He stepped back and tried to put it back on but it just wouldn’t work.

He must have given up because he took several steps back this time and threw his mask to the ground. You watched as he backed up against the wall, head tilted up high, rubbing his temples with his hands and maybe even pulling on his own hair from frustration. Shit, he was going through it. Whatever ‘it’ was. What was he messing with anyway? Was this why you hadn’t gotten a text back? Just as you were starting to tolerate him you just  _ had _ to catch him doing some really suspicious bullshit.

You needed a closer look. You propped your skateboard up against the wall, turning to leave so you could get closer and watch, but the moment you turned your back it slammed to the ground with a cold, hard  _ SMACK _ . 

This caught his attention. 

Frank’s head snapped to you. You had expected him to be annoyed but he looked so, so much worse. He looked like he was on the verge of tears but from the way his eyebrows creased and how tense he looked it wasn’t because he was sad. He was annoyed and angry at the world, angry at himself most likely. He looked like he could snap at any moment and for any single reason.

“(Y/N)? What the  _ fuck _ are you doing here? Were you following me?”

“What? No! I was out skateboarding, saw something, and came to look. I got a new board and I tried to text you but you never responded so I went skating. This is all an accident. What the hell are you doing?”

“Don’t worry about it. You need to get out of here. Now.”

“You look exhausted. I’m not leaving until you can tell me what’s going on.”

“If you don’t want your spinal cord to be snapped in two, I would recommend that yet again you get out. And that’s not a threat from me but rather what I may have to end up doing if you get caught here.”

“I don’t want to leave your ass here! This all looks so weird! What does that panel do and what is that thing on the wall?”

“I’ll tell you at the right time! Just get OUT!”

You didn’t trust him right now. He was angry and upset and frankly, unpredictable. But he hadn’t lied to you so far. Not in a way that was increasingly obvious to you. So you grabbed your board, nodded, and you ran. You didn’t look back even after hopping on your skateboard. 

The only time you looked back was when you were unlocking the door to your apartment. You wished he was walking in with you and was there to explain himself.

Why did Frank have to be such a mystery right when you were learning to like him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> playing subway surfers during english is my new thing. Also, thank you for all the support I've been getting recently! You guys really do make my day so much better and I'm not even being dramatic. Reading and replying to comments is my favourite part of my day


	11. what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life lesson dont take your sleep meds then write this is so bad and badly edited but I feel so out of it

It had been a few hours since the incident in the tunnel. You were sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone, trying to pretend something new would pop up. Nothing changed. Not long after you had gotten home, Frank had read your message, but that did you no good. You had already run into him and seen whatever the fuck he was doing then.

_ I know what I told you earlier. To run. But meet me back at the abandoned subway. It’s urgent. _

Oh, so NOW he texted you? Just as you were about ready to throw your phone away and sleep away from your problems? How typical of him.

You were going to go, of course. You needed to. He had seemed so serious when messing with the dials and the way he acted once they broke and did nothing worried you. Was it some work scheme? Were you going to be in trouble for seeing that? Would you get killed and go “missing” like all those unsolved cases you learned about on Youtube? You were being dramatic by now. Frank even said he couldn’t physically hurt you without consequences.

Either way, you were stressed. Would it hurt to…? No. It wouldn’t. You got up and headed to your room, digging through your drawers until you found your dab pen. It had a half-empty cart still in it which was perfect. It had been pretty sketchy when you bought it a few months back and would probably take the whole half to get you high. 

What? If Frank got to hop around and be mysterious and smoke cigarettes, you were allowed to dip into weed every now and then. It helped you calm down. Literally. It was impossible to be mad when high. You always felt too tired for it and even a bit too hungry sometimes. You had never been that big on munchies. 

Shit. Frank. You needed to leave. 

Shoving the pen in your pocket, you grabbed your board and headed back out. You had a lot to think about on your skate down to the tunnel. What was he doing and why? Did he have to or was this a personal mission? Was the technology already old and fragile or did smacking it break it? You managed to skate, smoke, and think all at the same time rather well. The thinking was what shocked you. You were dying for your brain to just be blank so you could listen to Frank talk and truly hear it without a million more questions coming to mind.

The cart was empty when you reached the tracks. Back to the pockets, it went. You dodged train cars as you ran to the tunnel, slowly creeping down the stairs and around the curve. Frank was right where you had left him. His mask was on the floor and looked to be a little scratched up from the concrete.

He doesn’t turn to look at you. He keeps staring down the floor, sometimes hitting his head against the wall as he decides to look up instead. What were you supposed to do? 

Your head felt like static. It had nothing to do with the THC surprisingly. You just didn’t know what to do. Picking up the mask, you stood in front of him, holding it close to your torso. You didn’t know if you needed to hand it back or not.

You tried to think of something to say. Anything. Instead, you couldn’t think straight, and the way he ignored you made it worse. All you managed to do was whisper, “Frank?”

He continued to ignore you, in fact, he even turned and walked further into the tunnel. You followed, hugging the mask to your chest, protecting it as if it was yours. If you were too care-free with it, things would most likely end badly. Damn. You were a genius when high even if it was barely so.

Finally, he sat down on the edge of the platform, legs hanging over the old tracks. You sat down beside him and dropped the mask in his lap. He set it aside and turned to look at you for a moment.

“You were never meant to see that earlier. Any of it.”

“I know and I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t trying to follow you. It just sort of happened.”

“I’m sorry you had to see me lose my composure like that. You were also never supposed to see me being overly emotional.”

“You said it yourself that emotion is part of what makes us human. I just want to know what all of that was about. You were acting sketchy. Sketchier than normal, Frank.”

“It’s work-related. I messed it up and I went there in hopes of fixing it but I only made it worse. Again, you never needed to see that. The sort of technology I work with or me acting out.”

“I mean, I’d rather know you’re not an entirely stone-cold bitch than watch you be an emotionless ass all the time. I like you so much more when you actually talk to me but you never do. It’s pointless.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “You just feel oddly honest today, don’t you? Are you on something?”

“No? I just smoked a bit. You’re pretty stressful. I have unhealthy habits too, plus weed is better than nicotine.”

“Whatever. I’m not here to argue about that.”

You both went silent. You didn’t want to argue anymore. You were passed that. 

He held his head in his hands, messing with his hair before straightening up. You could tell he was digging his nails into his palms but didn’t dare to comment on it. For once you felt genuinely bad for him. His eyes still held that wide, numb sense of silence and his body language was still as tense as ever. You weren’t going to be making much emotional progress here.

You thought he was about to speak when suddenly Frank whipped his head around, looking to the far left. Footsteps and dog paws against hard concrete and stone. Fuck. He grabbed his mask as he stood up, desperately looking around. He had outrun that cop before and he would be damned if he couldn’t do it again. You jumped up shortly after.

“I used to run from him all the time when I was a kid,” you said, grabbing his arm, “come on. We can talk at my place.”

You tucked your board under your arm and started running. Frank was right behind you the entire way out of the tunnel, him catching up to your pace and instead running beside you once out. You could hear the little white dog yapping away at you and Frank and the guard yelling about ‘you ruin your brother’s reputation’ and ‘who even is that guy,’ It didn’t  _ matter _ who frank was! He was trespassing! You were trespassing! You wouldn’t be so picky if you were some lame security guard or cop. You weren’t too sure which he was.

You also would never be a cop. All of them were bastards.

You kept going until you reached your apartment building. You paused to breathe, dragging Frank with you inside and up the stairs until you were finally inside. He didn’t look like he wanted to be there but it wasn’t like he could just leave. You needed to talk.

“I am so, so sorry for dragging you. You’re smarter than me anyway, right? You always say that. I don’t believe it but I also don’t doubt it. Anyway. Can we talk now? Finally?”

“...Yeah. We should. That technology? Shit only people like me know about. It can do some fucked up things to our reality and I managed to break it after almost making everything perfect. Now I need to fix it and fix it before my boss calls me worthless and sends me to the guillotine.” 

“God, what is it with everybody and fancy technology nobody knows about? First Yutani, now you? This is the absolute worst.”

“Which brings me to what we need to talk about. What do you know about the technology your niece found? It may be.. dangerous.”

“I don’t know anything about it. At all. Why?”

“Don’t lie to me, (Y/N). I need to know.”

“Why.”

“I need intel. Technology is part of that. I just need to know so I can work on some things of my own. Like that thing in the tunnel. Deal?”

“I.. Fine. She said it can fuck with gravity but I’m not sure what it means.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Frank felt his stomach drop but showed no signs of this. He was going to have to get a bunch of kids involved in his mission now. One of them was even on his list of potential obstacles. Jake. And what better way to get close to the problem than get close to the person who is close to the problem but not directly?

As much as he hated it, he was going to be using you. Ten times worse than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I am not a 'dream team' stan but the only thing playing in my head is a thing on tiktok i saw of dream going "my name is dream and i am a bitch" and i just,, same


	12. THC and Frank don't mix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help me i watched one Dream video today cause I was bored in between some classes (one basically was cancelled so I had like an hour to myself) and now youtube only shows me Dream, no more music

Even though you were suspicious of Frank, you let him stay in your apartment even after he explained things. He had been vague even then. Great, technology and something he broke! How informative! You knew the guard would be out patrolling now that he had seen you, though, and you didn’t want Frank in much more trouble than he already was. Something told you it would be bad for not just him but you if he got hurt or caught.

He was sitting on the far left of the couch, practically pushed up against the arm when you came back into the living room. You had only left for a minute to grab an energy drink and he was already acting distant again. Maybe that was for the better. You didn’t need to be close, allies were enough.

You didn’t even like Frank that much. He was tolerable and you did genuinely mean it when you wanted to make plans but it was not the end of the world if he started to distance himself. Not that you were ever close but you had seen him be far more expressive lately compared to when he first showed up to cause trouble.

He glanced at you when you sat down on the arm of the couch, legs crossed like a kindergartner. “Why are you sitting like that?”

“It’s comfy. Why are you staying as far away from me as you can?”

“Because this isn’t my apartment and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You can at least be comfortable, dumbass. I think I’ve seen you in worse situations by now than just sitting on a couch.”

“I’m not dumb, just considerate.”

“Uh-huh, so considerate.” You rolled your eyes and set your drink down on the coffee table. Frank was anything but considerate. Choosing not to beat your ass at any time was common decency, not some considerate, heroic act. 

You two went back to an awkward silence full of ignoring each other. Leaning back against the wall, you sighed. This was super comfortable, you weren’t joking when you had said that. Sometimes you wondered why you even had a couch since you mainly sat on the arms. Did they sell stands with just couch arms? 

Probably not.

You could totally invent that. Lots of duct tape, a nice stick…

“Can you even hear me?”

Huh?

“What?”

“I guess you couldn’t. I  _ asked _ you if you were… alright. I don’t necessarily care but you ask me that all the time and what you say reflects on you. And you looked spaced out. So I’m trying to make an effort.”

“I already knew you didn’t care, I don’t care too much about you either, I just wouldn’t want you to die or something anymore. But I’m fine.”

“Well, you were staring straight ahead like there was something there.”

“I was thinking! Important thoughts.”

Frank furrowed his brows, carefully watching you. What kind of bullshit were you on? You had always been rather friendly with him, at worst pushy, tense, and sometimes a bitch but that was when you two argued. This seemed different. He did not know you deep down but he understood you to an extent. He was naturally very observant but his job made him better at it.

“Are you stoned?”

“A bit. Not greened out or anything, really shitty cart, but good enough to feel a vibe.”

“Please don’t tell me you get paranoid or sick when you’re high. I would rather eliminate that guard if he saw me than stay here with you if that’s what happens.”

“You are not hurting the guard, I hate him but that’s illegal. Of course, I don’t get sick or paranoid! I wouldn’t do it if I got paranoid.”

“I’ve done plenty of illegal things already and you haven’t said a word about it. If you ever do say a word about it, consider yourself in a bad situation. I don’t want any situations. I’d say we’re neutral to each other now and if we go back to how we were, I may not be able to stand you.”

“I wouldn’t be able to stand you either. You're difficult already. I try to trust you and talk to you but you just never want to! It’s such bullshit.”

You went quiet as your phone dinged. Really? Right now? You were trying to have a semi-important conversation! It’s not like Dorian knew that though so you weren’t too upset about it.

_ Heyyy so I’m pretty bored and I got time to kill so do you want to hang out?? :) _

__ Frank would probably be gone soon so you didn’t see the problem. 

_ Yeah!! Do you just want to come over here?? I have food and a Netflix account if all goes wrong. _

_ That works! I still have your address from when we went to that one place so I’ll be over in like,,, 20. _

_ The door should be unlocked whenever you get here. _

You set your phone back down and noticed Frank had moved away from his scrunched up position and was instead closer to the centre of the couch. You didn’t understand but saw this as a chance to continue the conversation and finally slipped onto the cushions and left the arm alone.

“Anyway... You never want to talk or communicate. About anything. This whole tunnel situation has me not trusting you all over again. I feel like you’re hiding something or lying to me.”

“I’m hiding plenty of things because they don’t concern you. You don’t need to know about everything. If you did, you would never let me be here. Or anywhere around you if you knew I was there.”

“You can’t be that damn bad. Everyone has things they regret.”

“Not like I do. If everyone had the same regrets as me, I believe everyone with common sense would be in therapy. My mistakes aren’t your average mistakes.”

“Well, you’re somehow involved with me. I’m normal. The worst thing I’ve done is shoplifted. Maybe bullied someone once in middle school because I didn’t know any better and thought it was cool. You can’t be too bad.”

Frank sighed. “You aren’t getting the point.”

“Because I don’t believe you’re the worst person out there. You terrify me. You do. Especially when you act like this. You’re impossible to trust, you’re extremely vague, some of the things you say to me make me wonder if you’d kill me if it wouldn’t get you in trouble.”

“It would because you’re a source. It’s not like I’ve never been asked to kill someone.”

“Yeah, sure you have.”

You looked at him, really trying to understand him the way he seemed to analyse you. He didn’t know anything about you emotionally yet somehow was always right. Profiling skills must be pretty damn handy. He was so hard to read. Every time you would try to read his expression, you would lock eyes and you couldn’t stand it and always looked away. You eventually ‘gave up’ and decided to stare at the floor but in reality, you kept glancing at him. Trying to catch some sort of body language or expressiveness so you could understand him. You didn’t think he was as much of a villain as he made himself out to be. An antagonist, sure, but that didn’t make him the scum of the Earth.

He knew what you were doing and was quickly getting tired of it. He reached over and grabbed your shoulders, turning you so you had to look at him.

“Quit trying to read me. I’m not a fucking book, you aren’t going to look at me and suddenly understand who I am. I am trained to understand body language and read micro-expressions, it’s handy for work. You don’t know any of that to the extent I do. It won’t work.”

“Well, what if I want to understand you?!”

“And what if I don’t want you to!”

This was nowhere nearly as heated as your previous conversations. If anything, this was emotional and that would count as a big breakthrough. If Frank would let go of your shoulders, you would probably have some time to think about that, but no. You two were facing each other and trying to figure each other out despite what both of you had just said. Soon enough you gave up and leaned your head against his shoulder. He was so fucking  _ exhausting _ to talk to.

Frank felt equally as tired because of you but suddenly felt very awake. What the fuck was going on here. He let go of your shoulders, keeping his arms and hands close to his chest. What was he supposed to do? Push you off? Tell you to fuck off? 

“You are much less annoying when you aren’t talking,” you sighed, closing your eyes.

“Same applies to you.”

He relaxed his shoulders after a minute, trying to figure out what to do. This meant absolutely nothing and he knew that you guys weren’t even friends, but what was he supposed to do? By the time he wasn’t having such a crisis and decided to glance down at you, he wasn’t even sure you were awake.

“(Y/N)? Hey, dumbass? Bitch? Any other insulting name that applies?”

Silence.

Fuck.

Things got ten times more complicated when he heard the doorknob rattle and Dorian pop in, draw-string bag over her shoulder. “Hey, (Y/N)? Where are you?”

She glanced around until she spotted the couch. And Frank. The couch, you, and Frank. She immediately started laughing, closing the door and walking over. “You keep showing up everywhere, damn! I did have a bet with Fiona on you two getting together.”

“We are not together, we’re barely friends,” he exclaimed, trying to be quiet. He realised that you two had lied to Dorian that one night and quickly added, “we’ve been arguing a shit ton lately. This is not what it looks like. At this point, I can barely stand them.”

“Damn, that's rough. This looks like a good bonding moment though.”

“It is not! They’re high and therefore exhausted, now they’re asleep on  _ my _ shoulder, fucking help me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow my writing is so much better when I'm NOT about to pass out??? life lesson, kids: take your medication not right before you write but in the middle of it. Also save your monsters for mornings when you need energy. Like tomorrow. I'll finally have Spanish. I would be mad that I'm taking the advanced class but it counts as some form of credits sooo nvm i will take that


	13. aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter is short or just generally very shitty. I have been going THROUGH IT while writing this lmaooo

Dorian thought for a moment, and to Frank, that moment was far too long. He wasn’t mad, per se, but did not like dealing with you if you were going to be THIS close to him. Literally leaning against his shoulder was at least five feet too close.

He considered throwing you for a minute. That would get rid of the problem entirely. If you were alone, he definitely would have done that. Dorian was standing right there though and as far as she needed to know, you guys were friends and not some fucked up form of allies, ones where he was the only team option and you weren’t even  _ on _ his team, just working indirectly for it.

“Just pick them up,” Dorian decided, shrugging. “It can’t be that hard.”

“Why don’t you do it?”

“I find my cat heavy after holding him for too long. I can’t lift someone my age. You do look pretty skinny yourself but I’ve met plenty of guys your build who are strong. Never under-estimate nicotine addicts.”

Frank did not qualify as a nicotine addict but he was close enough to it and there was no way Dorian could help him out, she was right. Fuck. It was times like this he considered hating you again. He wouldn’t be in this situation if he still reminded you at every meeting that he’s superior. That you were just a pawn in a big game, one he was involved in, and one you could do nothing about.

And yet here he was. 

“How do you even pick someone up like this?”

“One arm under the legs, the other would be close to the waist or back for support. I mean, surely you’ve held a pet before? Same shit just bigger. Support the upper and lower half.”

Of course, it was simple to the person who didn’t have to do it. Dorian could tell she wasn’t going to be of much help just standing there and instead wandered around until she found your room, opening the door and pulling aside the mess of blankets. Frank, meanwhile, had managed to pick you up and was trying to weave his way around your apartment while also being as quick as he could. This was just a very weird experience to him and he wanted it over with. Immediately. 

He considered just tossing you onto the bed and leaving it at that, seeing as Dorian simply left the room with a small comment about how she was just gonna head home seeing as you were asleep and he was there. Frank felt a little guilty when he thought about it though, and instead tried to be at least slightly careful as he laid you down and threw the blankets over you. Close enough.

Frank stood there for a second before sighing. “I hate you so fucking much. You’re lucky I feel bad about some of this.”

Of course, there was no response. You couldn’t hear him. He decided that he would just leave you there and get out but before he could do that, he probably needed to leave some sort of note. Nothing nice or fancy, just an explanation of what happened at the very least. 

He managed to find a notebook sitting out on your dresser, ripping out a piece of paper and grabbing the pen from the spiral binding. Frank scribbled something down before folding it up, placing it on the nightstand, and then he was gone.

He would be spending his next few hours reporting information about the item you had told him about.

It was noon by the time you woke up and you could immediately tell the high had worn off. Damn. Why were you in bed though? You could have sworn you had been on the couch talking to Frank? Something about trying to analyze each other and him not liking it.

Oh shit.  _ Frank _ . Where was he?

You sat up, checking your phone, but there were no texts except one from Dorian saying that you had been asleep so she left. Fuck! You did mess things up. Glancing around, you finally saw the note. The folding was surprisingly even compared to the handwriting inside.

It wasn’t like Frank had bad handwriting. Quite the opposite. It was small and straight, slightly messy at times, and some weird cross between printing and cursive. You could read it perfectly, though, so there was no real issue besides your confusion at how he wrote like that.

‘ _ (Y/N): You aren’t very annoying when high, but next time I recommend not being so tired. I think you had initially meant to piss me off and leaned against me to do so but you were out cold. It worked either way. I hope you don’t mind being carried that much but your friend showed up and insisted I move you to your bed since I wanted you off of me and it wasn’t like I could throw you off. She still thinks we’re close, right? It seemed like it. I didn’t look through anything when I grabbed this paper, I honestly promise you that. That is the only promise I will ever make you. --Frank _ ’

Well, that was… nice of him? Considering Frank, it was. This was being a half-decent person instead of the bare minimum. Very close things but not the same. When you truly processed everything, feelings hit you like a bus. First, you thought it was kind of nice of him to not be an asshole. Then, you felt bad for Dorian. Finally, a wave of embarrassment settled in as you realised you fell asleep. On him. The person who you didn’t  _ want _ to see dead but certainly wouldn’t be impacted if he was. God, you were stupid. You would just have to text him and hope you never talked about it after.

_ Hey, thanks for the not. I’m really sorry about that. _

_ Read at 5:36 pm. _

Left on read was perfectly fine in this situation. You were grateful, all jokes aside. You didn’t want that to turn into a conversation. In a way, you wished that he  _ had _ just pushed you off. Actually, no. That would make things ten times more awkward. 

You sort of hated Frank. Not in the way you had before, but in a strange, sort of casual way. You didn’t want to be neck-to-neck with him every time you spoke but you did want to be on the same page, but not at a point where you completely agreed. Just a mutual acceptance with room for individual opinions. Something about him kept leaving you in these weird, almost friendly situations, though. The way he acted made you want to see inside his head. Understand why he acts like… that. All closed-up and arrogant but not even in a way that made him seem like he thought he was better than you. Arrogant in a way where he  _ knew _ he had the advantage and yet still tried to humble himself as if it was a gracious act.

Half of you was okay with this. It worked out, didn’t it? You still had your bad moments and you also had some good ones. The other half switched between wanting back your full rivalry and wanting to get along. You hated both sides equally.

Alright, enough thinking about Frank.

You stood up and headed out to the living room, fixing up your hair in the reflection of the TV. Good enough. 

It was so quiet in there.

Sitting down, you glanced around the room, trying to figure out why it just felt so blank. Maybe it was the silence? No. You actually enjoyed getting some peace and quiet. Boredom? Possibly. You looked beside you, almost saying something until you remembered you were alone. Ah, that was it. It was just that weird feeling of being alone right after being around people.

No matter how much you tried to ignore it, your thoughts kept going back to Frank. Have you guys been bonding lately? Was that the problem? Getting along seemed fine but the more you thought about it, the more it bothered you. You didn’t want to bond with him. He made your life interesting, sure, and he could probably ruin your whole life if he wanted. But you didn’t want to bond! No! It was messing up your new ‘allies’ idea.

There was no escaping the truth though, was there?

No.

You were starting to bond and you absolutely despised it. You didn’t even trust him that much, especially not after the tunnel. You had never seen anything like the panel in there before. It looked old, slightly fancy too. Not to mention the strange logo. It vaguely resembled an hour-glass or an old rune, and the more you considered it, neither were good signs. 

Something about the whole situation made you feel like you were running out of time. Time for what? Unless… No.

Maybe it wasn’t you who was running out of time. It was Frank. He kept many secrets, constantly seemed ashamed or defensive, and always needed more information. The timer wasn’t ticking for you but for him. If you wanted to figure this out, you would have to trust him. The problem would be getting him to trust you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was really tempting to have Frank absolutely YEET the mc. I won't even lie. Also wow look at me, posting before 8 pm?? it's like aa few past 4 here. shocking.


	14. bonding???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope ricky montgomery is receiving a shit ton of money rn cause I have had his music on loop the entire time I wrote this

You were out of the house from the moment you woke up on Sunday morning. Okay, that was an over-exaggeration. You made yourself look presentable first.  _ Then  _ you were out. Something about the energy in the air was different. There was an odd urge to go out, be productive, maybe even take some risks you hadn’t been open to before. Ever since Frank had shown up, you didn’t like risks. Today did not count. 

You didn’t have any good ideas of what you wanted to do, though. Maybe some family time wouldn’t hurt? It wasn’t exciting in the type of way you wanted but it would work. You grabbed your board and headed out, nearly crashing into the stairs in front of Skate Heaven. Just because you were technically considered a skater did not mean you were perfect. Crashing was part of the fun anyway! Sort of. You still had scars from the last time you ate shit and got road rash. Made your hands look cool so you didn’t mind but that hurt like a bitch and it isn’t like band-aids will stick to your palms.

It was surprisingly empty when you came in and you couldn’t figure out why until you checked the kids’ usual booth. Only Yutani was sitting there, taking notes on her phone.

“Where is everyone else?” You asked, sliding in across from her, “There’s usually at least four of you.”

She sighed, “Jake got grounded again. The gang wants to wait to hang out until he can either sneak out or get ungrounded. His mom was  _ pretty _ mad last time he snuck out so I don’t think we’re gonna see him for a while.”

“Damn. What’s he in for this time?”

You were a little worried about Jake. The kid was grounded all the time for various different reasons but considering how Frank had asked you about their gang’s discovery, part of you was worried maybe Frank had something to do with it. Was that likely? Of course not. What would he want with a bunch of fifteen-year-olds? You hung around them on occasion because of your family. He, on the other hand, was only involved with you as far as you were aware. Yutani was your problem because she was your niece. She and her friends didn’t affect Frank.

“He got caught by the guard the other day. The rest of us managed to run around but Jake stayed back to tag and, well, he didn’t escape.”

You nodded to show you were listening but you were also very distracted. Jake had stayed back to tag and got caught when running away. You had almost gotten caught the other day and Frank would have too. You felt a little bad about it considering how smart Frank normally was. He would have been fine if he hadn’t been talking to you. Then again, he had dug you into some pretty deep holes already. Hell, he occupied your mind half the time. He would survive.

You understood that Jake and the kids were perfectly safe. There was no reason he would hurt them or follow them. Right? Right. So why did you feel so uneasy still? You felt restless and unsure as if staying in that booth was going to kill you. Something had to be wrong. Were you missing something? A piece of the story? What else was there for Yutani to tell you? Nothing! 

“I’ll be back in a minute. Could you get me some coffee while I head out? I think my board is rolling off somewhere.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Your board was just fine and propped up outside. In reality, you were heading straight for an alley by the restaurant. You felt so restless just sitting inside and this was the best idea you had. Every problem you had in the past week or so was because of him and you wouldn’t be surprised if he was there.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, you stepped into the dark alley-way. God, how could anyone see in there? There was enough light to tell what was what but you still felt like you were stumbling blindly. Sure enough, Frank’s silhouette was there. You weren’t quite sure what he was doing until you got closer and could smell the smoke, scrunching up your nose in disgust. Why did cigarettes have to smell so bad? Or, better yet, couldn’t he just buy a vape? Did cigarettes have a different appeal? Whatever. It was probably not worth asking, it would be just as bad as arguing over carts and gas.

“Miss me or something?” Frank said, sarcasm lacing every word. 

“You wish.” You rolled your eyes, flicking his arm and leaning against the bricks beside him. “I was really trying to mind my business but it’s like your presence makes it impossible to ignore you.”

“Could say the same about you. You’re everywhere I fucking go.”

You were quiet. The uneasy feeling had gone away and you were back to that odd sense of motivation but you didn’t know what you were supposed to do here. You were ruling out that Jake or the other kids were in any sort of trouble so what was it? You thought back to your theory from yesterday. The one about Frank being timed on whatever mission he was on and needing to figure things out quickly.

For fucks sake. Were you worried about  _ him?  _ Of all people? 

Sometimes he did make it easy to worry about him. Every mention of his life and past was said with shame. The way he acted like he was protecting you from something every time he refused to explain himself. Half the time it pissed you off, over half, but sometimes you wondered if you really were better off not knowing. The way he was acting slightly more considerate after agreeing to be allies. Hell, he was blowing the smoke in the other direction and not in your face like he probably would have done before.

There was a thin line between common human decency and ‘nice Frank’ and he sure walked it, perfectly balanced, and it was frustrating.

You saw the embers glow for a second as he inhaled.

“So,” a cloud of smoke followed, “Why are you out here? Let’s be realistic, you have the ability to stay away from me. You chose to come out here because you knew I would be here. You  _ wanted _ to.”

“It sounds weird when you phrase it that way. Stop. I don’t know, okay? I felt drawn out here. I knew you would be here and something told me to come.”

“Was it instinct? Intuition? Or am I just going to be answering more questions like normal?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. Of course, he was profiling you right now! Of course! “I don’t know, okay? I don’t. If you’re so smart, make it make sense.”

“I’m asking you because I can’t ‘make it make sense’ either. I’m just smarter than you, not an oracle or something.”

“Jesus fuck, I guess I just like being around you? I don’t know. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me, seriously, you’ve made more problems for me in a week than I’ve ever managed to make for myself. But you're interesting, so..”

“Your curiosity is stupid but does make you easier to be around,” he admitted, shrugging. “You’re interesting enough but I have better things to worry about most of the time.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t.” You sighed, crossing your arms. “Well, I need to go back in before Yutani gets suspicious. Don’t die or something like that.”

“Yeah, you too..”

You could feel his eyes on you as you walked out of the alley and back up the steps. Something felt wrong about that whole interaction. Very wrong. 

Frank put his cigarette out on the ground, crossing his arms the same way you had. He hated to think about you. Truly. It had simply been annoying before but it was starting to make him re-evaluate his choices.

You were very, very stupid.

Despite what both of you always said and agreed on, it was obvious you were starting to genuinely trust him. Technically that was good for him. You were starting to become a rich source of intel and if he wanted to keep himself out of trouble, he was going to need more information coming in while he tried to fix what he broke.

It was the fact he was lying to you that messed with him. He lied all the time. If he wasn’t lying, he was just being vague. He knew that. What bothered him was his lies were cover-ups for dragging in people you cared for. 

He didn’t care about you. Not directly. You meant virtually nothing in the big picture but you were starting to grow on him. Frank didn’t like bonds and he didn’t need them either. The way you were always so determined to get him to be honest and open up got on his nerves but it was the most care anybody had shown him in years, even if it wasn’t much and was mainly based around the fact your every-day life was in the palms of his hands. After the situation yesterday, he was worried that maybe you cared about him, whether you knew it or not. It took  _ real  _ trust to fall asleep on someone, even if you were high. 

Frank was aware of every word you said. You always made it clear that he was confusing, never trusted you though you needed to trust him, how he had entirely ruined your life and yet you didn’t even know how. It was all true, yes, but he wasn’t dense. He could still tell by your tone and the way you were so persistent with him that deep down, you were slowly starting to like him and not just see him as a neutral influence. He was some weird, fucked up form of your friend. That’s what was happening. Did he like it? No. The way you so blindly started to listen to him and agree with what he would say made him feel sorry for you though. 

It was a bunch of bullshit when he said he just needed to know about it in hopes of fixing what he broke. That was part of it. Jake was the leader of the skater group that he had learned was called the ‘Subway Surfers’ and therefore part of a problem. Technically, the problem was Yutani, she found the tech. Jake was leader though and was the one with plans to profit from it if they could all figure it out. The leader has to go down for progress. 

The leader needed to go down so he could complete his mission and move on.

Hurting kids was bad enough as it was. The fact you were starting to trust him, the first person to do that in years, made him slightly feel inclined to enjoy your presence. He liked arguing just as much, it was entertaining, but it was easier this way. ‘This way’ was starting to put his emotions in the way of what he had to do. He would be betraying the one boundary you seemed to have. Your family and friends.

Maybe the guilt would go away once the job was done. He wouldn’t have to ever see you again after. 

If he could manage to put aside the weird urge to give in and try to trust you the same blind way you put trust in him, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to say sorry for yet another shitty and kinda short chapter. I'm just starting to fall back into a sorta bad place and it's harder to write and find motivation right now. if my updates become splotchy or are of low quality, its not me giving up. Its just me trying to push through so I DONT give up


	15. Confronting.. sorta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what I'm done supporting tiktokers, this Benji and JeyJey stuff is uhhh whack. Anyone else wanna become a Minecraft youtube stan?

You didn’t see Frank much on Monday. You would see him out of the corner of your eye sometimes, walking around and fading into the background. Tuesday was the same. You saw him briefly without the mask that day and made eye contact but it didn’t last long. Looking him in the eye made you feel oddly ashamed and there was no explanation why. By Wednesday, you weren’t even sure if you noticed him at all. You had a feeling he was lurking somewhere but you didn’t  _ see _ him. Not even a glance.

You waved as a customer left before retreating over to a small, cheap counter by the skateboards. It was mainly there to set boards on and had a little display case full of wheels, skate tools, and bearings. Dorian was sitting on top of it and scooted over when she saw you approaching.

“Alright, you’re giving me bad vibes again. What’s up? Talk to me,” she said, patting the spot beside her.

You jumped up beside her. “Damn, am I that easy to read?”

“No, you’re not. I’m just pretty good at telling when people are upset. I’m a pagan and also a natural empath. Did I never tell you that?”

“Nah, never mentioned it. That’s pretty cool though.”

“It’s fun, yeah. Back to you though! Seriously, what’s up? You feel like a walking ball of stress and worry.”

“I think I messed things up with someone. Not just that but they’re acting a little shady and I can’t explain how, they just are, you know? I don’t even care about them and we aren’t close but somehow I feel like I managed to push them away from me.”

Dorian nodded, turning slightly so she could get a good look at you. “You care. Trust me. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be upset over it. Sometimes you care even when you don’t want to. The universe brings people together and you can’t always stop it or run away. What happened?”

“Just a really embarrassing moment but they actually were nice to me during it. We don’t usually get along too well. Things felt weird after and at first I thought it may be because they were in some sort of trouble. They seem fine. Things are just so awkward now and I can’t find out why.”

“Maybe you need to talk about the moment?”

“I don’t think it’s entirely that. If it had been that, they would have already said it.”

“They sound complicated,” Dorian said, shaking her head. “Who are they to you? Friends, family…?”

“It’s somewhere in between strangers and friends.”

You and Frank were really complicated. You weren’t friends but you weren’t just acquaintances, and you didn’t exactly count as enemies either. You hated him in some ways and in others you wanted to get to know him. You should have been happy he was distancing. You wouldn’t have to go at it with him  _ or _ try to get along if he just kept his distance. Why did it feel so gross and weird for him to just start being vague? He had acted weird in the alley on Sunday. That was true. But he was still  _ there _ and being there made it not feel so bad, just tense. Now you hadn’t spoken in three days.

You pulled one foot up onto the table and leaned your forehead against your knee. Shit, why did it hurt to think about? You didn’t seriously care about him, did you? “Dorian, when you said the universe brings people together-- what does that mean?”

“Oh, like soulmates, twin-flames, karmic relationships… People you are drawn to and meant to be within one way or another. Sometimes you can break the bond, like with karmic relationships but not always.”

“I’m not very spiritual, not gonna lie. What do those mean?”

“Well, I’ll start with soulmates. They aren’t all romantic. You have plenty of them throughout life and sometimes you’ll even lose your bond with a soulmate because you’ve learned all you could from each other. Other times this bond can be said to last throughout multiple lives.” She paused, looking down. “For example, my first soulmate was the first girl I ever fell in love with. I think if we still had contact, maybe I would marry her or some shit. I also see my cat as a soulmate, like a companion I was meant to have. Soulmates can be any type of bond.”

“Soulmates sound kind of cool. Someone you’re destined to meet and know… Sounds nice. What about the other two?”

“Twin-flames: they’re your other half. Literally. You only have one twin flame and the idea is they are someone you will be connected to throughout multiple lives. Meeting them is like looking in a mirror and seeing someone who completes you yet also  _ is _ you. You will be the same yet also completely different. You are what they are not and they are who you aren’t. You will also be similar and have some overlaps. Think of hugging an old friend or family member. It’s familiar and safe, right? Like that. They complete you and you can read each other very easily.”

“Well, I and them definitely aren’t like that,” you said, chuckling, “We can’t stand each other. I think they would rather see me dead than ever understand me.”

“Which brings me to the last one. Karmic relationships. These aren’t always natural or spiritual. Karmic relationships are associations with other people that are very draining and teach you a lesson. They’re fueled by the feeling you get from hating each other. There’s so much hate that it can even be seen as friendship or love sometimes. These bonds hurt both people most of the time. They’re so draining because all of the effort and energy goes into the other person but this energy is also what makes them so hard to break.”

“That… sounds like us. Except we get along most of the time now. It’s mainly pointless insisting or arguments instead of us truly fighting anymore.”

“So maybe that’s why. But by the way you talked about it earlier, I think you just care about them, (Y/N). Talk to them. Tell them you’re upset. Nothing will change if you keep asking yourself the same questions.”

“I didn’t know you were ever this serious, not gonna lie.”

“I don’t like being serious but I can be. I used to be the ‘mom friend’ when I was a teenager and it still kinda sticks around.”

Dorian had a slight point. It was stupid to sit around and try and figure out why you felt like this when you could just talk to him. It wasn’t like he was ever hard to find. Frank was always somewhere dark or somewhere nobody else cared about. 

You would just have to text him and see if he replied. Otherwise, you would be just running around all night trying to find him. 

You texted him after your shift, not checking for a reply until you got home. You hoped he would make this easy and just respond. For once you needed to talk to him and not the other way around so the least he could do was put in the same effort.

_ Hey, if you see this, I sort of need to talk to you. Meet me at that one spot with the trains tonight at 8. _

You immediately changed into your old, beat up skate shoes when you got home just in case he didn’t respond. If you were going to be looking for him, you weren’t fucking up your nicer Vans. You also decided to ditch the hoodie you had on and instead throw on a random t-shirt. What? If all was the worst-case scenario, you wanted to be comfortable. Skateboarding can get hot.

Checking the message, you were not surprised when there was no response. 

You had plenty of time though. Six hours for him to respond. Trying to waste time, you went out and did errands, like real grocery shopping and not grabbing some energy drinks and a box of granola bars. Practised skateboard tricks and failed. You would be able to do a good ollie someday, you just needed to try. Laid around and zoned out to pass time.

Eventually, you did need to head out to at least check if Frank was going to show up. Something told you he wouldn’t be but you went and looked anyway. You even climbed on top of the one train-car to see if he was laying up there but nope, no sign of Frank. 

You checked the alley by Kick-Side.

The one by the restaurant, Skate Heaven.

You even wandered back to your apartment.

Then the tunnel.

The skate-park; it was closed, maybe he would be hiding out there?

You checked out the fenced area the kids frequented. Nope.

In total, that had all taken about two hours if you included a gas station stop so you could buy some water. Where the fuck was he? Maybe he was just being normal for once. Going home, resting, shit like that. You would just have to respect it if so.

In one final attempt, though, you started towards the cafe. You didn’t want anything from there but you were fairly certain it was open twenty-four hours. Frank had mentioned it being his ‘spot’ and it was worth a shot.

You dropped your board outside, propping it up against the front of the building. The cafe was one of the less ‘skater and stoner’ parts of town so there was no other board out there with it. Frank never seemed like a skater anyway. He would have fit the aesthetic of it rather well with how tired he always looked but he was just a bit too formal for it. 

The cafe was rather small and the lights were that sort of dim yellow that made you think of cheap light bulbs and old office buildings. It was comfortable, sure, but it was plain. You preferred the roughed up, hopeless yet addicting energy areas full of skaters. This was Frank’s scene though and you would have to try and appreciate it.

Sure enough, he was sitting quietly at the same table he had brought you to, holding a cup of coffee close to him while he stared at the table with his head down. 

“Frank?”

“I know. I guess I should admit some things myself. Before we end up trying to build a friendship on some really bad lies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so today was a constant switch between good and bad but on a good note I'm reaching a key point of the story which makes writing from here on out sooo much easier
> 
> also AHAH I JUST FOUND OUT NETFLIX HAS SCOTT PILGRIM, BOUT TO WATCH THE WHOLE MOVIE JUST FOR ENVY ADAMS AND RAMONA THEY'RE SO PRETTY, FUCK SCOTT THOUGH <33


	16. for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this too dramatic? ehh. I think its okay. come get your angst juice. this is angst right??? I hope so

This was so painfully awkward.

You had ended up getting coffee while before you sat down, figuring this would take a while, and a caramel macchiato always makes any situation better. Not that you thought something bad was going to happen. Okay, you totally thought something bad was gonna happen. You had spent all that time searching for his ass just for him to not be surprised when you found him and even admit you  _ did _ need to talk? Did he admit to lying? There was no way it would go good!

You didn’t think Frank was a very honest man from the start. Sure, you had thought several times ‘well shit, he’s never lied or hurt me before’ but you were quite unreliable when it came to your perception of other people. He had never lied bad enough to hurt you. It didn’t mean he had never lied to you. Ignorance was bliss and that bliss was going to go away quite soon. You knew that. He knew that. If anyone had known who Frank was, they would know too.

“So,” you began, tapping your fingers against the cold plastic cup, “Should I start or you?”

“I’m going to be the worst blow. Get what you need to say out of the way.” He was still staring down the table and you found yourself doing the same.

Fuck. This all felt overwhelming and for no good reason. You had never had so much trouble just knowing somebody before. You had friends, you had enemies, and people in between. Everyone did. It had never been this complicated, though. You originally were scared of Frank and you hated him. Then you were scared but didn’t hate him as much. Now you had made it up to an even playing field and suddenly things were going in another direction. You were ready to trust him, no more questions asked, and he seemed to feel the exact opposite. 

“I don’t know how to say this. I don’t even know why I feel like I need to say this,” you said.

Frank glanced up at you for a moment. “Don’t think about it and just tell me. Like when we used to fight. Don’t consider your words. It helps.”

“I trust you. And I care about you. I have no idea why you suddenly started to distance away from me right when we were getting along and frankly, it kinda hurts.”

“No, no. You aren’t going to care about me too much in a minute. Please. Don’t care about me. That’s dangerous for me and even more so for you.”

“You always say something like that. I know you’re not that bad. You definitely don’t have an average personality but you aren’t the worst person on Earth! I don’t believe that.”

“Is that all? Good-natured, optimistic bullshit over now?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“Alright. Could you look at me? I want you to  _ understand _ what I’m going to say. Not just listen to it.” You couldn’t tell if this was a command or a request but you did it anyway, nervously meeting his gaze. He sighed, “(Y/N), what do you consider your biggest boundary with people? Anyone. Not just me.”

You shifted. “Hurting or insulting people I love and care about. Why? I think you’ve crossed a lot of boundaries already so I don’t get what you’re asking.”

“Exactly what I thought. That one night you told me I could say whatever I wanted about you but not your friend. You defend the people you care about.”

“I don’t understand what this has to do with you lying to me?”

“You are my source of information. I find out certain things by watching you and your life. You are the safest, most indirect source I have. Do you want to know the mission I’ve been working on? It’s all about certain technology and who has it and who is involved with it. Yutani, the girl you’re related to? She found something that technically belongs to  _ us.  _ The people I work for. Instead of keeping it herself, her whole gang knows. The one with the eyebrows? Jake, I believe? Could be considered their leader. He is a problem. The jokes about making hoverboards with it, what they could do to sell it, all his ideas endanger what I need to either get back or figure out how to fix myself. Yutani is simply researching it. Through you, I get information on her research and what the other kid is doing. He’s loud, irresponsible, and a threat to what I have to do. In the worst-case scenario, I have to get rid of Jake. At best, I’m stealing from a bunch of kids or at least taking away their research.”

You sat there in silence, drinking your coffee, trying to process things. You knew he was using you the entire time. That was the point. But the fact he was using you to gain information on your niece? Her friends? That he always made sure to point out this is about  _ you _ ? Jesus. He actually  _ was _ lying to you.

“So you used me to get information on a bunch of kids? Frank, what do you mean by ‘get rid of?’”

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“You said you weren’t going to lie to me here.”

“...Possibly kill him?”

“So you’re using me to not just get information on a bunch of kids but figure out if you have to kill one? And you’ve just decided the entire time I did not need to know this? They’re  _ children _ Frank! They’re kids! They don’t need to be exposed to your life, the type of shit you supposedly do! All they should be worried about is if they can go to their friend’s house on the weekends and their grades. Not if their best friend may get fucking murdered!”

“For the record, they are technically teenagers.”

“And you think that makes this any better?”

“No. I’m just pointing out a fact.”

“Can we head outside? I don’t think we can continue this conversation here.”

Frank nodded and the two of you grabbed your drinks and headed outside. You sat yours down by your board, deciding you would just have to save it for later as he tossed his intro a trash can. 

Both of you stood facing each other, around five feet apart, carefully watching each other. You couldn’t read him as normal. His expression was rested and possibly upset but that was the best you were getting. You, meanwhile, had your arms crossed over your body as if it would protect you from this. The damage was done. He did the one thing you could have been against and you didn’t even ever say it aloud! He could  _ tell _ ! It was smart that he never asked about the subject so he technically never went behind your back for anything but the fact he understood what he did was enough for you. 

You had just said you trusted him. You had just admitted you gave a shit about if he lived or died, which was contrary to the “popular” belief you both had that you were reluctant allies, and then he told you that he did the one thing you would not stand for under any circumstance. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I truly am. I  _ have _ to do what I’m told though. There isn’t any way I can just say no and walk off,” Frank sighed, fidgeting with the back of his neck.

“If you know it’s wrong then why have you not tried to change anything?”

“I would be in serious danger if I did that. (Y/N), they would do things to me that even you probably would never consider doing, and I’m sure my happiness or safety is the last thing on your mind by now.”

“It kind of was! Until you decided to admit you, yknow, are using me to get information on my fucking niece! And maybe even end up killing her best friend! But that’s just business for you, isn’t it?”

“I’m not expecting you to believe me here. I just want you to try and understand. I would never choose to do any of this. It’s just what I must do. I told you that I didn’t do emotions and I explicitly told you earlier to  _ not _ care about me. I have told you I’m a bad person. Why did you choose to ignore every warning?”

You finally uncrossed your arms, using your hands as emphasis. “Because I  _ trusted _ you! I didn’t think you could be as bad as you said because I wanted to see some sort of good in you! I guess you got what you wanted because now you’ve definitely changed everything. I sincerely fucking hate you, Frank.”

“(Y/N), please. If you wanted to believe all of that so badly, hear me out! I don’t  _ want _ any of this!”

“Then start acting like it. Until then? Don’t talk to me. Don’t text me, don’t approach me if you see me, and leave me the fuck alone. If you keep following me? I better not even feel your presence. That is my niece and the people she cares about. You were someone I was finally learning to care about. I’m going to hate you. For forever.”

You couldn’t even explain why you started crying. You weren’t sad. You were pissed. You were mad at the world for the things it threw at you and in the order it did so. Suddenly you understood what Frank meant when he said that he hates just about everything. You didn’t even bother picking up the macchiato, you just grabbed your board and started running. You could hear him behind you and in response threw your board against the pavement, pushing off as fast as you could, adrenaline taking over your mind. You needed to get away from him.

Frank wasn’t able to keep up with you. Or did he not want to? Either way, he gave up. Skateboarding was twice as fast as running or walking. While you were off with no destination in mind, just wherever the rush wore off and the emotional pain and physical exhaustion hit, he was standing there, trying to process how he felt.

He wasn’t used to feeling anything. He had learned the hard way that you have to block off your emotions to be good at what you do. It doesn’t matter if you cared about a person, if you had to betray them, you did. If you were told ‘put a bullet between their eyes,’ you would do it. No questions asked.

For once he had so many questions. Should he actually give you space? Was this something people generally get forgiven for? And why did he feel so fucking empty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like if you simp for frank you had a twenty one pilots phase. I can't explain it. How y'all doing knowing you still secretly love the self-titled album?


	17. fuck emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is super short im so sorry I feel like im about to pass out I'm so tired omg

You found yourself nearly collapsing on your brother’s doorstep. Your legs were numb and you felt halfway between freezing and suffocating from heat. The night was cold but you? Skateboarding made you feel like you could have a heat stroke. You tossed your board aside on the porch and knocked, praying he was still awake, or at least a light enough sleeper to hear you and get up. 

Luckily, Mully was awake and the door was opened within seconds. You didn’t even get to explain yourself. He could already tell something was wrong and stepped aside while you practically ran to the couch and threw yourself down. That was probably the best part about having a cool older brother. You guys got along and were still close even as adults and it really made life so, so much easier. 

You were alone for a few minutes, hugging a pillow and trying to steady your breathing. You needed to think about what happened and not on a whim. Were you actually hurt or were you putting up boundaries? Boundaries didn’t make you impulsively run to your family’s house. You were definitely hurt. Who could blame you? Frank could understand you with as little as a single look and used that against you to go behind your back and convince you that no, you were the only one involved. Bullshit.

Mully came back with two cups of hot tea and you had never been so glad to see  _ tea _ before. Energy drinks or coffee wasn’t going to be good for you. Tea made everyone feel better and was like ten times healthier. 

“Okay, what happened? You haven’t done anything like this since your senior year.” He said, sitting down beside you.

“So, you know how I’ve been super busy lately? It’s a.. Friend of mine. We kind of relied on each other so if he texted, I would be there. He started acting really weird so I confronted him and he revealed a lot of shitty stuff and basically said he was lying to me and using me,” you sighed, burying your face in the pillow you were holding. “I was just starting to actually get along with him, too.”

“Were you two a couple…? You sound really upset about this.”

“God, no. We were nothing like that. I just trusted him and I thought he was a good guy and he was lying to me about things that just aren’t okay!”

You took a deep breath, trying not to cry again. It wasn’t like you were just upset about everything. It was overwhelming and you genuinely felt betrayed. You admitted you cared about him and he admitted he lied to you about some pretty serious shit? And that he might just have to kill someone you know? That’s fucked up. As much as you excused Frank’s actions and pretended he was as good as you hoped, this couldn’t be excused. You weren’t going to even try and convince yourself it could be.

You must have looked very hurt while you considered this because Mully sat his tea down and hugged you. “I’m sorry, (Y/N). Some people are just... Assholes. There’s no other way to explain it.”

You nodded, wiping your eyes with your arm. Ironically, you found yourself laughing. You felt worse than you had in about a year or two and you were  _ laughing _ . It wasn’t like life could get worse anyway. “I guess so. I just can’t believe I trusted them. I feel like an idiot or a little kid, crying over my friends as if it’s middle school drama.”

“It isn’t childish to cry. Adults cry too. If anything, your friends as an adult matter more than as a kid. You have a lot of responsibilities and things going on. When someone betrays that, it can ruin not just friendships but lives. Being upset because someone lied to you is normal.”

“Yeah, I know. I just feel so stupid. They were barely even my friend but I wanted to see them that way. I knew from the start they were no good but there was this part of me that convinced me that if I just ignored their flaws… They weren’t too bad.” 

You quit talking as Yutani appeared in the halfway, going into the kitchen and grabbing some tall cup with aliens all over it. Seeing her minding her own business and looking perfectly happy and content brought a rush of relief over you. You weren’t sure if Frank would ever hurt her instead of just Jake but it felt good to see her safe anyway. Innocent, blissfully unaware, and enjoying her little alien aesthetic. 

You got up, heading over to the kitchen too and leaning against the counter. “Dude, it's nine pm. Why are you up?”

“I’m working on a project!” she hummed, “I got thirsty though. It’s for science. I have to do a project based on Earth’s energy. I think the idea is fossil fuels or something but I’m trying to make a model that depicts how energy  _ inside _ the Earth from when it was created works.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Probably. I think I almost have a working model.”

You nodded, ruffling her hair as she walked by to head back to her room. “We really need to re-dye your bangs sometime. Don’t stay up too late, your dad sleeps in enough too much himself.”

“Heard that!”

“Sorry!”

She giggled while nodding. “I won’t.”

You watched her start heading down the hall, biting the inside of your cheek. Would that be stupid to say? No, no. “Hey, ‘Tani?”

“Yeah?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course. Love you too, (Y/N).”

That was the most relieving thing you could have heard all night. You weren’t over it or calm, just controlling it so you could at least talk to your niece. Knowing she was happily working on her projects and knew she was loved made you feel at least a little better, though. Just as things should be. Worrying about school and not her best friend literally being murdered.

You spent the next hour or so just sitting in silence with your brother, occasionally the crying would start again and there would be a small conversation, but the most part he could tell you didn’t want to talk. You just wanted support and he respected that. 

“Can I crash here for the night? I just don’t want to be at my place tonight. Especially since he could always show up and try talking to me again.”

Mully nodded and tossed you a few blankets from a small closet in the hallway. Soon enough you were left alone on the couch, burying yourself in a pile of blankets and pillows. God, you felt disgusting. You didn’t even know why! You did nothing wrong! You just wanted someone to explain why this was all happening. Why did Frank have to come into your life? Why? You had been doing so good before you met him. Went to community college, you had the time and money to smoke, all around just living life. 

A part of you wondered how he felt. Was he really sorry? Or was he just trying to manipulate you? He had lied before so he could be lying about every defensive detail he gave. You didn’t know. You just knew you fucking hated him. 

You weren’t joking when you told him you would hate him forever. He knew exactly what he did wrong and there was no way he didn’t. You wouldn’t forgive him. You had let people walk over you before and gotten over it but the way Frank did pull at your heart. You learned to like him, trust him, even give a shit about him and all he was learning was he was going to have to steal information on a ton of kids! Fucking hell.

You had to force your brain to shut up as you closed your eyes. You needed rest. Crying and skateboarding were exhausting. You would deal with the empty space he left in your head in the morning. Maybe, just maybe, if you prayed hard enough, you would forget him by morning.

But by morning you hadn’t. By morning you were grabbing your board, thanking your brother for comforting you, and going home. You were crying in bed until your ribs hurt and shouting at the ceiling, trying to make things make sense until your voice was hoarse. Your eyes were irritated from crying, your voice was gone from begging, and your mind felt like a bunch of TV static. This was all so dramatic and for no good reason. You had forgotten how it felt to be hurt and now that you were, all the strings were coming loose and you were crashing to the ground with nobody there to catch you.

Why did you care about him? Why? If you had just believed him when he said he was a shitty person who had done many things wrong, things would not be like this. 

You only ended up getting out of bed because you could hear a car outside the apartment complex. You had ended up texting your old plug. You would think after that cart and what happened with Frank you would want to never smoke again. After all, you felt as if you getting high is what made the Jenga tower slowly start to fall. You wanted to feel something other than this though and if the only way to do that was to roll up a joint then you would.

You find yourself back in bed right after. You smoked at least half of a pre-roll before digging out your old ashtray and putting it out. It was just some old thing from Spencers of a bright green alien but you had loved the vibes and kept it even when it started to get a little dusty because you switched to carts. Carts just weren’t good enough right now.

You found yourself still crying but definitely not as hard. You were more worried about drinking water because you felt like you had the  _ worst _ cottonmouth, not to mention how sore your throat already was. This was relaxing. You weren’t worried about Frank. You weren’t worried about anything. You felt calm and collected though still a little messed up but nowhere as messy as before. You could think now.

But you didn’t want to think. You wanted to forget. 

The last thing you remembered was grabbing snacks and watching more of Shameless before you fell asleep mid-day, enjoying a dreamless, THC assisted nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would love to write a chapter while actually high but I have NO money for weed rn and if I make lean I'm gonna end up with a killer migraine, the cough syrup will be empty and I'll get exposed, also if I start making lean again I won't stop so :)
> 
> anyway I hope this chapter doesn't hurt as bad as the last one? I like to see this as a "trying to process my emotions buy my brain feels tingly and I don't want to think" vibe


	18. adrenaline is not therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want a fun guessing game, guess which of these dumb acts my friends and I have actually done throughout the chapter. have fun.

You still felt high when you woke up an hour later. That was probably for the better. It looked like you hadn’t done much before your nap. Netflix was asking if you were still watching ‘Shameless,’ there was an empty water bottle on the nightstand, and a half-empty bag of hot fries too. 

It was way too dark in there. Maybe the lack of sunlight had been calming before but now it was making you feel like a wilting flower. You got up, drawing the curtains for the first time in a while. Since Frank showed up, specifically. Hell, he was the reason you had curtains. Fuck. Not him again.  _ Enough Frank _ . He was practically worthless to you. 

You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t want to just sit around and let your emotions rule your life. You were probably overreacting anyway. Getting out would be good for you! Maybe you could even stop by the gas station and bag an energy drink. Things would be okay. You just needed to go outside and live a little, right? It made sense.

You threw on your favourite shirt and jeans before you left. If you were going to convince yourself you were happy, you needed to look like it. Alright. You had cash, your board, some old drawstring bag… You could leave. Things would be just fine. At first, you just felt bored as you made your way to the sidewalk but getting to the gas station helped. One step at a time. Grab a drink, pay, get out. You threw it in the bag once out on the street. There was no way to open it  _ and _ skate without dropping or spilling it. Or eating shit.

Things were mostly downhill and twisty past the gas station so things would  _ have _ to be fun. You even knew how to get to the tracks from there. 

Skateboarding was one of the only things you had left that made you feel alive. If it couldn’t distract you, nothing could. It had been your outlet since you were thirteen. Jumping out windows, grabbing your board from where you hid it and running out to meet up… It was special. You wished life was still as innocent as it was then. 

If you closed your eyes, it was. You were close to the train tracks, swerving your board from one side of the road to the other, eyes shut. It wasn’t the same as it was with other people or when you had a reason to be out, but it was close enough. It was the same feeling of freedom and wind against your face you remembered. If only you could capture that feeling in a bottle and take some of it out whenever you needed it. Life would be much easier. You picked up speed as you went slightly downhill and things were fine. You kept your eyes shut.

Until your board started to get speed wobbles and you heard a loud clunk from your trucks. “Shit!”

Your eyes snapped open as you tried to catch your balance but it was a bit too late for that. Your back foot lifted up slightly as you stumbled and you fell, bringing your arms up to cover your face and trying to roll instead of slide. 

There was good news and bad news.

Good news, your face did not get scratched by the pavement. You did hit your head but you were fine. Your board was also fine. 

Bad news, you had crashed because of a rock and the speed-wobbles didn’t help. Or was it technically death-wobbles since you crashed? Your arms were scratched up and you nicked your knee through the rips on your jeans but you were alright for the most part.

Your board rolled into the class as you rolled onto your back, rubbing your eyes. Fuck. This was going to hurt like a bitch in a few minutes but for now, you could just enjoy the rush. You felt a bit shaky, but that was just the adrenaline. You sat up and pulled your bag off of your back, digging through it. You had shit in there for situations like this. No band-aids or something like that but at least napkins to wipe up the blood. 

The tissues you found would have to be good enough. You were quick and as gentle as possible, trying to clean your arms and legs up before the pain set in and that would be considered uncomfortable. Afterwards, you pulled out the drink and opened it. Caffeine would totally help this. You sat there for a minute, dusting yourself off and downing the Monster before getting up and running to get your board. You had crashed right by your favourite tracks! Awesome! Sort of.

You found yourself going to the enclosed area. You didn’t like to think that you met Frank there but you wanted to sit on top of that one car with the ladder. So you threw your board down and tossed your bag up there and climbed, laying down on the warm metal after. This was freedom. This was all you would need to forget that asshole.

Ignoring the stinging coming from your scrapes, you laid there and smiled, enjoying every bit of it.

Skateboarding had always been part of your daily routine but since you crashed, you found yourself addicted to it. You started going back to the skate-park alone and trying to learn tricks. Teaching some of the beginners the basics if you saw them bust their ass. It wasn’t keeping you completely happy but it was working out.

You still felt empty at night when you went to bed. If you caught a moment alone at work, everything you were fighting to keep away would settle in, and you would have to try and ignore it by the time things were back to business.

It went like this for a whole week.

In that week, you did not see or hear from Frank. At all. It was like he had vanished. Sometimes you would get this odd feeling and look behind you or look into the shadows but he was never there. You liked it that way for a few days but sooner than later, it felt wrong.

You still hated him. There was no way you could just forgive him. You were just used to his presence or having something to do that when he was no longer there, things felt bland. Maybe you needed to be more social to fill the gap that kicking Frank out of your life had left? You did talk to him pretty often.

“Hey Dorian, are you up for plans?” you asked when you came in on Friday. Dorian nodded. She was using one of the store’s personal skate tools to tighten the trucks on her board. It was getting old as the grip tape was slightly orange from dirt in certain spots and around the edges on the underside of the board, the paint was chipping.

She hummed, using her foot to push the board across the wooden floors. “I was actually going to ask you the same thing. Fiona is going out of state to visit her older sister so I can’t hang with her and you’re my favourite person other than her. No offence! Just, yknow, her and I started dating so I guess she’s supposed to be number one.”

You shrugged. “I don’t care, it’s a compliment either way. You guys are a cute couple, when did you get together?”

“She asked me out last week,” she admitted, “so only a few days. I really like her though. How’s that one guy you hang around doing? Frank?”

Fuckkk. “Oh, him? We… go into an argument. Really fucked up our friendship.”

“Damn, are you okay?”

“Honestly? No. But I’ve been distracting myself pretty well. He was an asshole so I guess our friendship didn’t matter much anyway.”

“Makes sense. Who needs men anyway?”

You laughed, “I guess neither of us. Are you free tonight or Saturday? I was thinking we could go out skating in the middle of the night or something. Sort of like teenagers.”

“Definitely! My friends and I would be skating down the main roads at like three am. We stole a couch once,” she grinned, picking up her board. “And before you ask, no it was not illegal. It was on the side of the road.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you actually stole a couch at three in the morning.”

“Insulting but also a very big compliment. Do you want to come over to my place after work so we don’t have to do that complicated ‘sneaking out’ shit? That was the worst part of being a teen.

You nodded. 

If being alone wasn’t enough to keep you from thinking of Frank, this would be. At fifteen, skateboarding in the middle of the night consisted of stealing your parents’ alcohol and getting stoned at the park. Now as an adult you could do all of this much, much easier. You were only twenty-one anyway! That’s still super young. You still got called ‘kid’ by forty-year-olds who stopped you on the street to talk about how they used to be a skater when they were your age or younger! This was going to be everything you needed to truly feel free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me failing math. me? beck? never. I would never.   
> aha  
> fuck


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO i published one chapter at a normal time and then said mmm no, back to 8-11 pm updates <3

Dorian’s place fit her personality very well. It was a little messy but for the most part, it was all very ‘hippie’ and spiritual. Plants in the window sill, tapestry above the couch, books and crystals scattered on every surface… It all made sense. There was also a bunch of cat toys and fur on everything. The fluffy culprit was sleeping peacefully on the couch, tail thumping against the cushion. She never did tell you her cat’s name.

According to the tag, it was Salem.

“Sorry for the mess,” she said, picking up a few books and stashing them away on a tiny shelf. The only title you could make out was something about shrooms. 

“It’s fine! If your place was clean I think I would be worried,” you assured her, petting the cat. It opened its eyes and bit your hand.

“Please ignore Salem, he’s a bitch. I don’t know why. Anyway, feel free to raid the cabinets or take whatever you want. There’s like eight different tea blends in the cabinet, I usually rip open the bags for the herbs but if you like tea help yourself to it.”

You nodded, looking back at the cat and letting Salem gently swat your hand before chewing on your finger. He finally let you pet him after. 

You both had quite a lot of time to burn until the middle of the night. At first, you were worried you would just be sitting in silence but luckily you were wrong. You two made ramen together, binged a season of some random show, told messed up high school stories… The list went on. As the day went on and the sun turned into the moon, you were sitting on her bed, having agreed to let Dorian do your makeup while you wasted time.

“Hold still! I’m gonna mess up the eyeliner,” she said, trying to use the hand she had cupping your jaw to keep you from moving.

“Sorry, sorry! It just feels weird. Like paint when you touch it because it looks dry but that tiny bit still gets on your fingers.”

“It doesn’t feel like it’s even there once it dries. I usually don’t buy liquid, I buy the pens, but this was all they had.” She leaned back and looked at you, tilting her head slightly before screwing the eyeliner shut and handing you a tube of mascara. “I don’t want to stab your eyes out so I’ll let you do that yourself. You  _ are _ comfortable with makeup, right?”

Of course, you were! You wouldn’t have agreed if you weren’t. “Yeah, I am, this isn’t peer pressure don’t worry. I just don’t wear it often since I’m trying to focus on my skincare routine and it’s pretty expensive.”

“Understandable, I only buy ELF and drugstore products. Alright, think we’re done now?”

She grabbed her phone and took a picture, tossing it to you after. You were a little nervous about what she had done to you but you didn't look like a clown at all. You looked pretty natural for the most part, besides the eyeliner and the lipstick was a little warmer and darker than your actual lip colour. You assumed there was also bronzer but that seemed to be about it. Your natural face but a little more defined. It was pretty cool.

“I honestly didn’t expect to like this so much, damn. Makeup just isn’t my thing usually.”

“Understandable, it’s not everyone’s taste, but it is  _ for _ everyone. Guy, girl, nonbinary… It’s fun.”

You handed her back her phone and she checked the time, raising her eyebrows. You grabbed yours and did the same. Shit, it was almost midnight. Already? Really? Both of you hopped up, throwing on shoes and grabbing bags. Although you looked perfectly calm, you felt totally overwhelmed but in the best way possible. You had missed nights like this. If you were still in high school, you would probably be preparing yourself to jump out of a window or re-arranging the clutter by the back door. This wasn’t sneaking out though so you were just standing there trying to control your excitement.

Dorian was doing the same, going through her bag and mumbling to herself. “Hey, do you mind if I bring my puffbar? If you don’t fuck with that shit I won’t, I know some people don’t mind being around it and others just can’t do it.”

“Nah, you’re good! I have half of a pre-roll in my bag anyway. We’re no better than each other.”

She grinned. “Awesome. Also, for old times sake, want to hop out the window? I know we don’t have to but hoping you land on your feet really gets the adrenaline going.”

“Let’s do it!”

It took a few minutes of messing with the lock and trying to figure out if he was simply old or did not move. Eventually, you got it open, and Dorian slid herself out onto the small, less than a full brick ledge on the side and jumped. After she stood and dusted herself off, she gave you a thumbs up. “Throw me your shit!”

You tossed your drawstring bag down and climbed out, almost slipping and clinging onto the side of the windowsill that was indoors before closing your eyes and jumping. You landed crouched down in the grass but surprisingly still on your feet and grabbed your bag before running to keep up with Dorian. Grabbing your boards off the front porch, you took off down the sidewalk, heart racing. Instead of laughing alone at your own bullshit attempts to feel happy, there was another voice with you, and things felt okay.

It was cold, as the night always seemed to be in that down. The moon was the only thing lighting up the dark street as you pushed off, your board gliding over the smooth pavement with ease. It felt like being fifteen again.

Fifteen, when life was simple, there was no he-who-shall-not-be-named, and this was your every weekend plan.

“Where are we even going?” You shouted, trying to be heard over the roar of your wheels.

“I don’t know! We’ll figure it out when we get down to the main road!”

You jumped off your board and grabbed it as you made it to a crossroad, staring at the bright red glowing from the stoplight. No cars were in sight, though, so you and Dorian booked it across the street and turned onto the next road, getting back on your boards. You were pretty sure this road would both of you not to the skate park but the normal park. The ones kids went to.

When you could see the old chain-link fence, you knew you were right. You gently let your foot glide against the asphalt until you came to a stop, snapping to get Dorian’s attention. “We should go sit on the monkey bars. We just have to. No skate-trip is complete without sitting on a playground.”

“Hell yeah! My first time drinking more than just a sip of alcohol was on a playground. Had to share though so it wasn’t very interesting.” Dorian fiddled with the gate until it swung open, dropping her board and racing to the playground. She looked pretty stupid climbing up onto the old monkey bars, you right behind her. That playground had been there since Mully was a little kid but it was still in good condition besides the occasional paint chips. Lots of paint chips. Okay, it was in  _ alright  _ condition _. _

You dug in your bag for the little tube your joint was in and a lighter as Dorian did the same but for that puffbar she had mentioned. This was all very unhealthy, wasn’t it? You inhaled, trying to hold it in for at least thirty seconds but coughing at ten and blowing out the smoke. Dorian laughed, though she ended up choking too. Ha, karma!

“Do you have baby lungs?” 

“No, just haven’t smoked in a bit. Letting my tolerance reset and all. What about you and that thing?”

“Pretty consistently until recently. This isn’t my hometown so I have no plug yet.”

“Dude, aren’t we both twenty-one? You can buy nicotine legally now.”

“Oh shit, I can! Damn. I probably paid more than I would legally for this.”

You laughed, taking another hit before offering it to her. “Do you want a hit?”

“Yeah, but I’m just gonna do two. Your joint, not mine. Plus I’m such a lightweight. Do you want a hit of this? It’s pomegranate.”

“Sure.”

You both swapped back after and things were quiet for a few minutes. It eventually got to a puff-puff-pass system of ‘two hits, take yours, two hits, give it back’ and repeat. You were going to be  _ zooted _ after this. Thank god you had Sativa and not Indica. Energy was going to be necessary for a good night. Maybe even a little crossed? Nicotine and weed never did too much to you before but you had heard stories of some very interesting events.

Dorian laid down across the bars, letting the upper half of her body hang down. “We should tell stories! Stories are good. Plus, until we make more exciting memories, I want to hear about the ones you already have.”

“Shit, you have a point. Do you want me to tell one first? I need a second to think.”

“I have plenty and you need to think so I’ll go first. Okay, so when I was younger, I lived in a small town that was just a bit bigger than this. My friend group had been tight for years and we really watched each other grow from skittles and soda to bowls and energy drinks. So we were hanging out one night, the three of us that were closest at the time. Remember how I said I stole a couch? Yeah, we did that. It was three in the morning, we were skating home after chilling at someone’s house, and we were just taking our time. One of us saw the couch and a ‘take it’ sign and got the idea to load it up on our skateboard. I had this super huge longboard so we used my board and someone else’s to roll the couch home.”

“How the fuck did you get it on the boards? What the hell? What did you even do with it?”

“We lifted it and set it on the boards and pushed. We got it into my friend’s backyard and at like four in the morning we snuck out, called up some guys, and drank together. I didn’t drink but the guys got wasted. I just hit my friend’s disposable. The guys were also high and had pocket knives and cut up the couch though.”

“Guys are assholes, period. Sounds like a nice couch,” you sighed, “I would be so fucking sad if someone sliced up my couch. Even if it was free on the side of the road. Alright, my turn… So you know Brax. When we were freshmen, we snuck out to go to the gas station and skateboard around town. We didn’t get into much trouble but when we came back, it was ten minutes away from when his mom woke up. We had to steal the ladder from their garage, get back in the window, and collapse in bed and ‘sleep’ before she woke up. When she got up, we pretended we did too and wanted to go for a morning walk while she disabled the alarm system on the doors. So we went out the front door and ran to hide the ladder. Never got caught.”

“Damn! Ten minutes? My friends and I took way more than ten and our ladder sucked ass. We would come home an hour before. We left our ladder up too though and one of us had to run and put it back while my friend’s grandma was making coffee.”

You went back and forth telling stories for an hour. You learned about the time Dorian got together with a guy who looked exactly like a man from her dreams, you told her about your first partner and how you met them by almost throwing hands at the skatepark, she told you about the year everyone called her ‘Dorian Gray’ in high school, and you told her about how you ate shit so badly you had scars on your palms. She had a similar one but hers involved scars on the backs of her hands and getting dirt in her coffee.

This was nice. It was just the two of you, laughing and telling stories that probably didn’t matter anymore, the old street lamp providing a yellow light that reminded you of those corny indie movies. Life was so quiet but you felt so loud, like the only thing that mattered.

“The cottonmouth is starting to catch up to me, fuck. Can we head down to the gas station?” Dorian asked, sitting back up and dangling her legs through the gaps in the bars.

“Yeah, definitely. Let’s go.”

Both of you hopped down and grabbed your skateboards, heading back to the road, and then back to the crossroad. This time, you went straight ahead, ending up in the little area by the gas station and tracks and whatnot. Your comfort area. You started carrying your board as you reached the gas pumps, Dorian doing the same. Your boards were dropped outside by the door and you headed in.

Ah, the fresh scent of gas stations. They all smelled the same. Like wet paint and cheap air freshener.

You grabbed a monster and she did the same, but you gave her a concerned look as you grabbed one. “Mean Bean? Seriously? I worry about you.”

“Mean bean literally tastes like chocolate milk. You need to buy some new taste buds.”

“You can buy those?”

“Probably? The black market exists.”

You sincerely hoped nobody could hear that conversation. You cannot buy taste buds, no. Both of you were just zooted and thinking with your curiosity and not your common sense. That would be so fucking embarrassing if someone heard. 

Dorian handed you a few dollars and her can. “Yo, I’m gonna go use the bathroom? Can you pay? There’s enough for my shit so you don’t have to dig into your own for me.”

“Yeah, I got you.”

You grabbed a pack of gum from the candy section, paying no attention to anything but that. Was black cherry gum even good? You were about to find out. Heading up to the register, you waited behind some woman who soon got impatient and just walked out. Damn, the line wasn’t even that long! There was someone in front of her and then the person actively paying. Then you at the back.

As the person in front left not soon after the woman, you found yourself behind someone else. You had been zoning out and the change sort of surprised you. You watched them toss a bottle of water on the counter and say something about a pack of Marlboro. Whatever. You just paid for your stuff and headed outside to wait on Dorian, grabbing your board and leaning it against your legs, sitting her drink by her board too. 

You noticed the person from inside was still there too. They were opening up that pack of cigarettes and you thought nothing of it until you noticed something on the side of their head, like this white thing. You didn’t want to stare so you kept messing with your can and occasionally looking around but only focusing on them. 

“You keep looking at me. Is there something I’m missing here?” They said. The voice was so familiar… What the hell?

You look up at them and it hit you.

Jesus fuck. That was  _ Frank _ . 

After one week of suddenly disappearing and you trying desperately to forget about his existence, he was here, right as you were finally having fun. Typical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's back. Enjoy him while he lasts. Things are getting complicated xx


	20. try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whats up im technically failing spanish and I'm taking basically like ap/honours but in my defense the teacher did not tell us shit about the assignments until today and I just don't have to mental ability to do the work and its past midnight so it would be late <3

“I could have sworn I told you not to talk to me ever again,” you said, staring blankly at him. Things had set in very quickly and you could feel your mental stability plummeting down to Hell. Did he get paid to show up in your life right when you were having a good time? Probably. Either way, he could at least try a little harder to be less obvious.

He rolled his eyes. “You were looking at me. I know your gaze better than anyone else’s, you always have such a staring problem with me.”

“You did not have to talk to me either way.”

Oddly enough, you found yourself taking a step closer to him when you said that. If he was going to be here, you wanted to be able to truly look at him, not from ten feet apart. He was such a problem! Always a fucking problem. You were still pissed. In your mind, you would be forever. The one thing you would never give up for anyone or anything else was your family. Frank understood exactly what he did wrong. 

He looked disappointed. The way he was looking down at you, tucking the pack of cigarettes into his pocket, it just messed with you. You were just as disappointed as he was, though. Despite how badly you wanted to hate him, wish he would go and die, maybe even hit him right now, you didn’t have any of that in you. You missed him. He may have betrayed your trust entirely and manipulated you but something was comforting about that ignorant feeling of bliss you had before. He scared you. Badly. But sometimes that fear felt like security. He couldn’t hurt you even if he wanted to and every threat was empty. Every time you swore you would rather hold a knife to each other’s throats, you knew it could never happen. At the time the anger would make you so emotional you felt lightheaded but as anger boiled down to passive-aggressive remarks and then empty teases, you found it sort of safe. God, you were stupid.

He stared down at the ground. “Your eyes are red.”

“And your point is?”

“It’s funny how you’ve managed to be stoned every time we talk recently.”

“It’s funny how you’re such a fucking asshole that the only way I can keep myself from breaking down is being stoned.”

“Breaking down because you ‘hate’ me or because you’re sad and you miss me?”

“Breaking down because you act like  _ this _ . I can’t tell what your tone is supposed to mean! Ever! I am so easy for you to just lie to and you know it.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you.”

“Bullshit!” you spat, “If you gave half a shit you would have at least tried to tell me the truth and it would have been before you had my complete trust. You would have been honest with me and I wouldn’t have built this whole idea that you’re a good person.”

Frank bit the inside of his cheek. Why did you have to be so stubborn? He was trying now, that kind of mattered? Right? There had to be a way to set the record straight. Some sort of redemption awaiting him. “I do give half a shit about you! I’m trying to say something here but you keep fucking arguing with me! Just shut up. Shut up and listen to me for one minute.”

“Only one minute. Choose your words wisely.”

He took a deep breath before starting. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not asking you to forgive me right now but to let me try to prove I’m not some heartless bitch. I don’t give a shit about many people at all. I don’t understand the guilt I feel about what I have to do. What the fuck will it take for you to stop acting like this towards me, (Y/N)? Because I have not a single idea on what you want me to do.”

“You want to know? Fine. If you really care about me, try to act like it. I’m begging you. I’m not going to forgive you and I have no reason to. You suddenly pulling the guilt card doesn’t make me feel bad for you. But if you’re serious about this, at least pretend you know how to care. That’s all.”

“Fine.”

He took one last look at you before he pulled his mask over his face and left. If the weed wasn’t tripping your mind out already, you would have started crying. Instead, you just stared at where he had been standing in front of you, totally numb, your head feeling like your body was being thrown forward. That was the only way you could describe it.

The bell chiming as Dorian walked outside snapped you back to reality. She grabbed her drink and board before looking sheepishly at you, flashing an awkward smile. “It looked important so I stayed inside? I didn’t hear a word, I swear. I like to gossip but not enough to listen in on you and him.”

“I don’t give a shit, man. I can’t even comprehend him anymore. Fucking dips out on me then confronts me here… I hate him.”

“As you should,” she paused, giving you a sympathetic glance, “Do you just want to go home? You look out of it, man. We can watch shitty horror movies or romcoms, whatever you want. I don’t think staying out any later will be good for you.”

“...Can we watch Mean Girls?”

“Yes, we can watch Mean Girls.”

You nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go home.”

You put your empty Monster can on the nightstand, sighing, and burying your face into one of Dorian’s pillows. Fuck. You felt so, so exhausted from talking to Frank.

“Dude, you good?”

“He makes me so tired. I want to chop his dick off or something, just get him to leave me alone.”

“You don’t have the guts to do that and you know it. Just kick him in the nuts instead. Same effect.”

“You probably shouldn’t encourage me.”

“Yeah, I know. What’s up with you two anyway?”

“He’s just pretty toxic? But in a way I miss him. A lot.”

“You don’t think you have… feelings for him, do you?”

“I better not! All I know is he’s the worst guy on the planet that I personally know. But also because I convinced myself he was nice, I miss not him, but the person I tried to believe he was.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It is.”

The rest of Mean Girls was silent. By the end of the movie you noticed that Dorian had fallen asleep. Maybe you needed some sleep too. You considered trying to find her bathroom to take off the makeup from earlier but why even bother? Where’s the motivation? Instead, you grabbed one of the many blankets and curled up. God, your life was a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank is an ass but yknow what? sigh i’d settle for it


	21. Personal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okok i think this one is actually short and not just me being dramatic but it's slightly important. Relevant for information and not length.

Just as the universe was not kind to you, it also had it’s fun toying with Frank.

The concept of Frank having any problems was a tad bit funny. Frank. The same guy who cared for nobody or nothing, had some  _ very _ questionable morals, and claimed emotions got in the way had problems? Ones that actually bothered him? Unbelievable.

But it was true. At the end of the day, when he finally had a moment to himself, it felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Before it had just been a few boulders at worst but after you? Things were piling up in ways he did not understand. There was a lot to unpack about how he felt.

Now, you probably knew this, but Frank did indeed have an apartment. It wasn’t some myth or lie he made up. The difference between your Frank and the ‘real’ Frank was the real Frank did have thoughts and feelings you were unaware about. To you, he looked blank or conflicted. To him? Very conflicted but it wasn’t like he understood how he felt. So you can imagine the type of stress he felt when he was finally alone in his own home at five in the morning and his first thought was your interaction at the gas station.

He hadn’t even bothered to go to another room and think things out. Frank leaned his back against the front door, lighting a cigarette and zoning out. 

_ “If you really care about me, try to act like it.” _

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Frank was already bending plenty of rules as it was to try and respect you. If he was doing things the right way, he would have already collected all the information he needed in that week. Or Jake would be gone. Instead, he was trying to sneak around it in every way possible. Wasn’t that caring? He stayed away just like you asked. He stayed away in ways you didn’t even know about. Sometimes he would manage to hack your wifi router and go through your search history and texts. For research only, of course. He hadn’t done any of that! Not since your fight! 

Could you really hate him that much? He understood hatred, it was everywhere for him. Hatred is what separated Frank from who he used to be. He remembered being young, a child, a teenager… And he didn’t want to. So he shut off that part of his life. He hated it. He only knew who he was now. Was that person good? No. They were far from it. If hell existed, Frank would be going. 

God, he felt old for someone who was only twenty-three. The only years that had mattered were the past five and yet those five felt like fifty. You were the last thing that made him remember how much of life he really has ahead of him.

It was sad that you resented him so badly. He was starting to enjoy your company.

Frank didn’t remember the last time he lived just to live. Seeing you do that made him jealous in a way he didn’t even understand. The way you looked around your friends, even when he was there or when he had completely ruined you, it looked so carefree. He knew you were in that gas station and though it was a coincidence, he made sure to watch you. The way you laughed and seemed so… relaxed? It made him think.

Despite the blind trust you put in him, you never seemed as comfortable around him as you did at Skate Heaven or with Dorian. You acted more outgoing. God, was he that bad? Did he weigh you down so much that seeing you genuinely happy confused him? Or did he not understand the concept of happiness anymore?

Maybe it was both. 

Other than happiness, another thing about you that confused him was your ability to find a way to cope, even if it was unhealthy. He had truly left you unbothered that one week but from what he was beginning to gather, you smoked to forget everything. Weed must have been a better choice than nicotine because nicotine didn’t make him feel anything anymore. Not emotionally. Just a temporary appreciation of how nice oxygen is for what? A few minutes? 

Shit. Speaking of cigarettes, his was out.

Frank tossed it into the old ashtray he had sitting out on the coffee-table before laying down on the couch. He didn’t see the point of laying in bed, it wasn’t like he would be sleeping anyway.

How much trouble would he be in if they figured out he went a whole week without any new information? Not even a gram of it? Frank imagined he would probably get his ass beat in some way or another. That sounded a little funny after all the things he had told you about him being more powerful than you.

That wasn’t a lie. But the fact worse people than Frank were out there and he had to anticipate their actions as if they were normal? Shit. He felt like you.

Imagine getting his shit wrecked because he avoided you for a week. It sounded stupid like that. If he was using the weird new emotional terms he was learning, he would be getting his ass beat for caring about you. That was not supposed to happen.

Tsk. Him.  _ Caring _ about someone. If he could tell his past self, the one from the day he got into the mess with you, that he would care about you, he wouldn’t believe it. The only person Frank ever cared about these days was himself and apparently you.

The thinking was starting to make him tired.

He got up, walking into his small room, and throwing that stupid mask on the floor. It was starting to indent the side of his head and it hurt like a bitch after hours of doing that. Tossing himself onto his old twin-sized mattress, Frank tried to get the one or two hours of sleep available for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really sorry for not updating yesterday and today's update being shitty. I kid you not that yesterday, yes yesterday, felt like four whole days. And today has felt like two. The only thing I have motivation for is sleep. My perception of time is warpedd.


	22. closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 22nd chapter and we finally have a breakthrough, wowww. I should tag this as a slow-burn.

You went home Saturday afternoon after helping Dorian clean up a bit and hanging out for a few more hours. Other than seeing that bastard, it was safe to say you had a good time. Your mental state wasn’t magically perfect again but you felt at least a little functional and even bittersweet. Skating was fun. Getting crossed and acting like total dumbasses was fun. Seeing Frank was questionable but you found yourself snorting as you walked home. 

Him. Claiming he cares about you. That had to be the dumbest shit you had heard since you met him. It made you a little sad to consider it probably wasn’t true, Frank was a very closed-off man. He didn’t care for anything but the idea that maybe he did want to make things right filled your chest with this nostalgic tightness. It wasn’t that panicky sort of ‘I can’t breathe’ but like when someone would walk by and you would hold your breath, hoping they would either look at you or completely disregard you with no in-between.

This wasn’t you forgiving him or opening up to him. You were just trying to move on from it for personal reasons. You didn’t want to be tired anymore. 

Getting over Frank would have to start simple. Go places you learned to associate with Frank and not think about him, do certain actions and not think about him, all around just learn to stop associating memories with him and develop your own life again.

You were already outside so why not start with places? Your apartment could survive a little longer without you. A detour to get coffee wouldn’t hurt at all either. Not because Frank always gets his there but because you deserve it as a treat and one less thing to be considered ‘his.’

This wouldn’t mean constant visits there. Frank would go there whether you made the connection or not. The whole idea was for  _ you _ to get over it and accept it as a public area and not Frank’s Special Spot. In retrospect, this was a terrible idea but that small voice pushing you to stop letting him own your emotions was really fucking mean so you were compelled to listen.

You dropped your board by the front door and walked in. You ordered and waited, trying to keep to yourself as you would anywhere else. You found yourself glancing at his window spot anyway. He wasn’t there. He had no reason to be right now. This was about you, not him. 

So why did you sit there when you got your drink? Why? What did you gain from that? You didn’t sit in the chair where he normally sat but the one across from it, the one that was technically ‘yours’ if he needed to see you right then and there. This was yours. It had no attachment to him.

That was your excuse to sit there and you knew damn well it was a very shitty one but this was harmless. 

Lost in your thoughts, you only snapped back to reality when you heard what sounded like paper under the table when crossing your legs. The fuck? Paper? You felt around under the small table until you found what was indeed paper and pulled it off. Huh, a sticky note. Weird.

_ I know you. You run from your problems by going back to the source. You met me when skateboarding so you’re skating to associate it with your childhood and not me. You had your night out ruined by me so you went out again. You fell asleep stoned on my shoulder so you got high off your ass to associate weed with freedom again. You’ll come back here eventually and find this. --you know. Ps, yes this is something I know because I’m still smarter than you, dumbass. _

Dumbass was  _ your _ passive-aggressive name for him. Asshole, of course, he was using it on you. He was indeed very smart though. No denying it. He knew you just as well as you know yourself but in all the worst ways possible. Frank was right about every word. 

Annoyed, you tossed the note on the table. There was more writing on the back,

_ Also-- is this caring enough for you? Or should I be cliche and say something cringy like I know you better than you know yourself? Like it or not, I know you. I don’t think I’ll have to make myself into an embarrassment to prove it. _

Oh, so this note was fresh. Fresh as hell.

You didn’t respect him any more for it. In a way, it could even be considered half-assed. Something about it was oddly compelling though. You didn’t like him any better and you did not trust him at all but you knew you needed to talk. No blaming, no yelling, just talk. Try and make him prove he understands the circumstances. You wanted closure.

You finished the drink and grabbed the note before you left. You considered tossing the note along with the empty cup but instead only threw away the cup. The note might be useful later. You were as fast as you could be getting home, almost crashing several times from tic-tacking to gain speed. Frank wasn’t the only one with the ability to think! You could play games too and be the one to confront.

_ We seriously need to talk again. Meet me at the tracks at sundown, asshole _

_ Forgiving me, are we? _

__ _ In your dreams . _

Fuck him.

You tossed your phone onto your bed before going to shower. You were disgusting and your hair smelled like stale smoke, there was no way you were going to meet up with him like that, even if he didn’t deserve to look at you or be around you at all. You got a little distracted zoning out but it was fine. Your hair was almost dry by the time you needed to head back out and would probably be okay by the time you reached the tracks.

Part of you hoped he wouldn’t be there. That he would be anywhere but with you and you could go home and take this whole shenanigan back with no consequences. Of course, that wasn’t going to happen and he was there, sitting on top of that specific train car. You climbed up and sat beside him, sighing.

“If you don’t plan on forgiving me and you seem like you would rather be anywhere but here, why did you make me come?” He asked, a tint of amusement to his words.

“Because I saw the note and I want to know a few things. Find out if I’m being played.”

“Well, do I look like I’m lying to you?”

“You always do.”

Ouch… 

He coughed, pretending you didn’t say that. “Don’t waste my time. Start talking.”

“You keep claiming you  _ are _ showing you care about me but have done barely anything to prove it. Explain to me what makes you think you genuinely give a shit and that this is not a manipulation tactic.”

“I feel guilty. I don’t tend to feel bad about things I have to do, not on such a personal level. Normally, I would feel disgusted about having to potentially kill a child. This time, it’s that plus the added weight of knowing what I do makes you act like you did that one day. You sounded hurt in ways I forgot existed.”

“Because I was! You did say you were using me to get information on my niece,” you said, “did you forget that part?”

“Clearly not. As for why you are the reason I feel remorse? No idea. I haven’t been attached to anyone in years.”

You were silent. Let’s assume Frank is not bullshitting all of this. That would mean he genuinely does not understand why he feels this way. He doesn’t connect to emotions, something about his job made him do that. 

You bit your lip. “And how do I know this isn’t a lie?”

“Simple. I have nothing left to lie to you about.”

**_Ouch._ ** That hurt on a personal level. Mainly because you knew he was telling the truth. Your relationship had hit rock bottom. There was no allyship, no friendship, not even enemies. You just hated him. There was no connection anymore. There was no way he could find anything new to manipulate you with.

To make matters worse, he kept talking.

“I know you’ll never trust me. I don’t blame you. I have become so used to lying it means nothing to me but to you, that’s a way to break trust. I can’t change that. But I’m doing everything I can to try and find ways to let you know I’m sorry for once in my life. There are only so many rules I can break before I’m the target I was seeking to get rid of. Tell me what I would have to do to even make a good impression on you. I’ll tell you if it could happen.”

“You’re actually attached to me? Like, this isn’t some game? This is something you are not supposed to do?”

“My job is being a hit-man with some fancier and more technical terms and agreements. Yes, I’m not supposed to do this! I am not supposed to give a single shit about you! If the company had it their way you would either be dead by now or I would. Most likely you so they could teach me a lesson.”

“ _ A lesson? _ The fuck do you even mean, Frank?”

“Oh, you know, the normal things. Did you get attached? You were not supposed to. You were supposed to do your job. Now, to learn why we don’t get attached, you put a bullet between the eyes of the distraction! Have to do it yourself unless you want that bullet between yours! As far as anyone I work for knows, I’m using you and you are being difficult. I have not been purposefully trying to avoid you and do as little as I can get away with. That is all they need to think.”

“Why am I such a distraction to you anyway? That’s the last thing I want to know.”

“You’re the only person who has ever believed I have the capability to be better than I am. Even if I proved you wrong, you tried to believe it before.”

Goddammit! No! Why did you feel so emotional all of a sudden? You did not like him. You did not respect him. But there was no way he could lie to you, he had said it himself and debunked it too. Frank had ruined you entirely and now you were sitting there trying to process how you felt. You shouldn’t have had to think about that! 

You were both silently watching each other, a silent agreement that neither of you knew what to say or how to feel between you. You didn’t want to just forgive him like that. You  _ couldn’t _ . You said it yourself, you were going to hate him forever. But something about the way he had said that last sentence and the way he explained every word to you, no arguments, no insulting you this time. It felt genuine.

You threw your arms around him and quickly felt arms around you too. Damn, he was strong. You weren’t being crushed though. It felt tight, sure, but it was relieving more than it was uncomfortable. It was like the false sense of security you had as allies but real. You buried your face in his shoulder, sighing.

“Why the fuck can’t I stay away from you?”

“For the same reason I can’t seem to treat you like any other pawn, I guess. I don’t know.”

Despite every fight, every insult, the hopeless and confusing things this asshole put you through, you finally felt relieved. 

This was also the first truly affectionate moment you had ever had with Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay when i get bored i go through the comments and I swear some of you are funny as FUCK you guys want to be friends or something like,,, LMAO


	23. unclear tensions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is bold of you guys to assume you are getting a kiss easily. One person knows the master plan here. I trust them to not expose it but laugh along at this with me >:) I promise this chapter isn't bad but aha kiss will be earned

The initial shock of realising Frank was actually being affectionate towards you almost made you let go of him and push him away. When you considered it, it felt weird. This man had said he would hold a knife to your throat if he was allowed and now, weeks later, you were embracing him? Could things get any crazier for you?

This wasn’t a bad thing. You couldn’t explain why but you missed him and this was a big step forward. You understood that you weren’t going to put your complete trust back in him, he still fucked up. It was the fact he knew, felt guilty, and wished he could change things that made you break down the first wall. A little trust was okay. Enough to consider his company and tolerate him again.

The bad parts aside though. This was… oddly nice.

He wasn’t disgusted by your actions, he was holding you too. There were so many things you expected when you hugged him, it was an impulsive choice, but this was not your immediate bet. This was rare and you would enjoy it if it lasted a while but you understood boundaries and went to let go of him.

“Please don’t,” he muttered, “I’m trying to process what this makes me feel. You’ve always been confusing, just be glad it’s not because I’d rather be dead than cooperate with you.”

Good to see he still had his passive-aggressive sarcasm. You nodded, relaxing again and taking the chance to think for yourself. How did  _ you _ feel about this? It was calming but it also made you wonder if he was going to stab you in the back. There was no knife in your back so far though so you must have been okay. But at the same time, you loathed him regardless. You were stuck in a ditch that was somewhere between ‘I can forgive him but he has to prove he has changed’ and ‘he’s a bastard and I’m never trusting him again.’ The ditch was pretty damn deep though and it wasn’t like you would have a conclusion any time soon so you relaxed, letting him have his own time to think.

On a totally irrelevant note you  _ totally _ did not just think about, he kind of smelled good. Sandalwood, mint, and a hint of smoke? Bad people did not deserve to smell nice. You also did not need to be thinking about that. The ditch wasn’t that damn deep, get your head back to Earth.

Soon enough you let go of each other and neither of you seemed like you understood anything that you didn’t already get before. Things were this weird sort of tense where there wasn’t much regret but this sense that something was different. You needed to fix that. Now.

“To be clear, I still hate you,” you said, glancing at the ground below.

“And I hate you just as much,” Frank confirmed.

It was starting to get dark and you found yourself with more questions. Originally, you were planning to leave right about now. But something about hugging Frank of all people was unsettling and you needed more answers about previous subjects.

“Hey, I don’t mean to drag this out, but can I ask you a few more things?” you said, laying down and staring up at the sky. Maybe the stars would come out soon and you could chill while you gathered what you wanted to say.

“Had a feeling this would happen. What else do I need to clarify?”

“So, let’s say you got tired of being a hit-man or whatever you called it. What would you do? Can you just quit? If you hate what you do so badly why don’t you just… leave?”

Frank thought for a moment, also laying down and staring straight up at the sky. “I couldn’t just quit, no. My job is one of those things where once you’re in, you’re not getting out. You probably understand and believe the things I’ve done by now.”

You nodded. “STalking, murder, whatever else.”

“Precisely. If I wanted out, it would either not happen or I would be forced to do something even I would say no to. They’re geniuses in the worst way possible. Sort of like capitalists.If I could quit I most likely would have by now. Are you asking because you would want me to quit?”

“If it’s what would end the whole ‘I have to get information on your niece’ thing, yes. I don’t need you anywhere near Yutani or Jake to be dead. He’s a child and he shouldn’t be on a hit list.”

“Well, don’t get your hopes up. At all.”

You went quiet as the stars started to come out. It was unnecessary but you laid there and you looked at them, trying to find constellations and pretend Frank wasn’t there. He cared about you but he couldn’t do the one thing it would take for you to entirely forgive him. Fuck. Why did your life have to always be so complicated and for no valid reason? Could you catch a break? 

You were probably going to jinx yourself if you kept thinking about getting a break. You would get even fewer breaks. It would be an eternity of chaos and Frank. That was a very scary future. You weren’t exactly sure what your stance on him was. You didn’t want him dead but you weren’t quite sure you liked him and with either possibility you did not trust him.

His voice scared you.

“I’m sorry, somehow. That you are in this mess. In the long run, this won’t even be significant to me if we’re being realistic.”

“Your version of reality is so dark. I thought we had an attachment thing here?”

“I already explained what happens to attachments. Assuming that doesn’t happen, I finish my case and move on anyway.”

“Fuck off. Make me significant to you. It’s cool you get to walk off whenever things are finished but for me that ending sounds like potential trauma. We’re not playing games this time if I’m letting you back into my life,” you said, looking at him. You managed to catch a hint of shock on his face before he went back to his normal blank expression.

“Make you significant? And what is that supposed to mean? I’m a genius, not a mind reader.”

“If you get to complete your job and move on and forget about this whole place and the things we’ve been through, but I supposedly am giving you a problem right now, don’t walk off at the end. It’s simple.”

“We already went over how I can’t quit.”

“Then figure something else out. I’m not a toy, not an emotional experiment for you. It’s not like either of us understand how to feel anyway so I may as well be a priority, right?”

“I guess?” Frank sounded a tad bit distressed. He hadn’t cared for anyone in years! He did not understand why you wanted to be significant in the long run! You didn’t even understand how you felt or how he did so what were you trying to do? Both of you were clueless and frankly a little stupid when it came to emotions. Two wrong choices wouldn’t make your problems go away, you needed to find out what was going on. 

Trying to debate this made you feel drained. Damn, your Frank tolerance was going down since the last time you saw him. Could you take Frank tolerance breaks as you do with weed? That sounded counterproductive. You definitely needed to go home and sleep. Maybe that would give you at least half of a functioning brain cell.

You sat up, stretching before heading over to the ladder. 

Despite the disagreement you just had, you still were a little worried about Frank. The whole ‘I would probably be killed or you would if I got in trouble’ was unsettling. He could handle himself just fine though so why were you worried? He’d live. He’d live and go home or wherever he goes.

“I know you can take care of yourself and we aren’t exactly on the same page right now but you did mention a lot of dangerous shit. Crash with me tonight. It’ll look like I’m cooperating too so you would get a bit more leisure. Please?”

Frank hesitated before rolling his eyes and hopping down with you. “You aren’t giving me a choice, are you?”

“I am, but I’m gonna count that as a yes.”

It was a little less tense with him in your apartment than it had been the first time. He understood the general layout but he still looked like an awkward teenage boy, sticking to specific spots and keeping to himself. You mainly let him be, going through your own routines and sometimes sitting down with him and talking. Mainly him questioning about your place. Probably useful intel but it made for good small-talk.

By the time you were pushing exhausted and he for once seemed tired, you realised you had never considered what to do with him. Like… if he was crashing with you, he had to be able to sleep somewhere and your couch was way too small for a 6’0” man.

Your effort to be nice to him and maybe try and trust him was not thought out very well.

“I know my couch sucks ass so if you’re tired I won’t make you sleep there. My bed is small but if you just stick to your own side it could work,” you suggested, rubbing your eyes. This needed to be resolved quickly. You wanted to sleep.

“For someone who hates me, you’re being oddly nice to me.”

“We’ve both addressed the fact I’m much dumber than you. Are you going to trust me or not? Cause it’s not like I trust you right now.”

He sighed, “yeah.”

This felt like it was complicating things. It wasn’t though. You had been affectionate once and this guy was also responsible for putting a minor on his hit-list. This was already complicated. Trying to treat him like any other person you had let stay with you for the night was going to be hard either way.

You let him toss the suit jacket and tie onto your dresser, you learned the hard way those were uncomfortable to sleep in after falling asleep in a cheap Harry Potter costume at thirteen years old. Those ties were terrible. Afterwards, the plan went as you hoped. You stuck to the right side of the bed and he was on the left. No contact.

Despite being exhausted, knowing he was there made it hard to sleep. You spent an hour of trying to shift and make your mind stop asking you stupid questions, both of you presumably doing the same thing since you could hear movement from his sie, until you gave up and rolled over, hoping maybe that was your problem. He did the same thing. Shit, of course, you had to look at him now. Looking at his face or holding eye contact made things feel a little nerve-wracking so you instead just stared at the sheets between you.

“So you can’t sleep either?” Frank asked, glancing at you before looking at the pillows. This was… interesting, to say the least.

“Nope.” You moved an arm behind your head, “At least we’re both suffering.”

“I still hate being awake. It being a problem for both of us doesn't help much at all. You are the last person I ever expected to let me stay with them, you’re oddly difficult, did you know this?”

“You never let me forget.” It was hard to take such petty insults seriously after the things you had told each other during a real fight and you found yourself smiling. God, life was stupid.  _ Your _ life was stupid.”

He looked at you again, holding eye contact this time. “I don’t quite understand what all you want from me when it comes to emotions or proving I am not completely heartless but I want to tell you I’m trying.”

His hand touched yours for a split second before both of you drew back and you put your arms back around your body and not near your head or the empty space. “I know. And I’m trying to figure out if I’ll ever trust you again. We can worry about this another time. Maybe when one of us gets pissed off. We have the best conversations then.

“Maybe.” You swore you saw him smile for a second and then it was over. “Goodnight..?”

“Goodnight, Frank.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is unrelated but like im bi and when I write this fic I'm out here trying to think of guys and masculine traits etc like yknow not women. and writing this has made me lowkey lean towards guys lately but suddenly I remembered tiddies and I feel like such a dumbass DID I FORGOT I WAS BI CAUSE I WAS TRYING TO BE ZONED IN TO WRITE ?? oh well I prefer men a bit more these days anyway


	24. nothing is permanent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating!!! Two things: I missed like three updates? or something? I'm so sorry omg I was with my friend and other thing: I think I'm gonna update every other day instead of daily. I have school and all weighing me down and stuff.

Usually, your Sunday morning consisted of being productive or running into Frank. This time, it was neither. You woke up at six in the morning as the sun was starting to rise but this did not make you productive. You were too busy questioning how your plan failed to be out of bed and doing anything.

Your plan was that Frank would be gone in the morning or you would not be near him. And no, you two were not cuddled up together. That wasn’t the case. You were just too close for comfort. You were facing each other, legs touching, and your heads were a few inches apart as if you had tilted yours towards his. You remembered always waking up like this when you were a teenager and would spend the night with your friends after a night of smoking or watching Youtube. This was not a sleeping position you would like with Frank.

Knees touching is too close even if you were being overly picky.

You sat up and got out of bed, leaving Frank alone. You would wake him up in a minute. You were worried about you more than him. Since he was asleep you would have time to be alone, change clothes, whatever was necessary. Frank looked  _ exhausted _ so instead of worrying about changing in the bathroom you just kept your back to him and grabbed a random pair of mom jeans and an old sweater. You were used to the cold nights but as autumn weather rolled in, you were starting to realise it wasn’t just the nights you had to worry about.

You figured he would be fine in your room so you went ahead and washed your face, finding some old jewellery sitting in the corner of the counter too. What had that even been for? You had to google different piercings before you realised it was an old nose ring. You had pierced plenty of places on your body when you were younger and let almost all of them close up. You kept your lobes and second hole open since earrings were a safe option for anyone and kept up with your nose until junior year. Turned out it was still open after a little fiddling. Looked way better than you remembered.

Finally, you popped back in your room and woke up Frank. You didn’t exactly know what to do so you tossed a pillow at him. He scrunched his nose and sat up, tossing it off of him. 

“Sorry, didn’t know how to wake you up. I don’t know where you usually go or where but It’s like 6:15 in the morning. Figured you have some weird shit to do,” you said, watching him nod and grab his tie and overcoat.

“You never see me in one place for too long for a reason.” He shrugged.

“I think this is the longest I’ve ever seen you stay in place and it’s because you were asleep.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “I sleep, yeah, how surprising. You’re drastically dumber than I am but thank you for letting me... Stay here. I would have been fine though.”

“I’m done trying to forgive you. You are too dramatic,” you said, mimicking him. He did not find it as amusing as you did.

“You’ll see me later. For now, I have more ‘shady shit’ to do. Nice nose ring, by the way. Makes you look more mature.”

He left right after that. You, meanwhile, sat around trying to figure out if there was anything you needed to do. Luckily your phone dinged and you had plans thrown on you by your niece. Didn’t seem like you had the option to say no or cancel.

_ DAD JUST GAVE ME ONE OF HIS OLD BOARDS YOU NEEDDDDDD TO COME TEACH ME HOW TO SKATE!! PLEASE OMG MEET ME AT THE SKATE PARK  _

_ Jesus fuck Tani okok _

You grabbed your board and for once your newer skate-shoes. If you were going to be the mentor, you weren’t going to use old raggedy shoes. Burn the bottoms of those one more time and you would probably be scratching your socks. Yutani still had a lot of practice to get in before she could even survive the sidewalk.

You were pleased to see she wasn’t in her alien costume this time and even had some gloves to cover her palms. You needed to invest in some good ones for your own skateboarding. Maybe then your shoes would be saved from your controlled stops and the gloves could burn themselves out. Maybe you could ask Mully for an old pair. 

“So which board did he give you?” you asked, sitting beside Yutani on one of the benches. She handed the board to you and you sat in on your lap. It was an old Flip Skateboards deck, the 05 Tom Penny edition. You weren’t sure how well it rode but at the very least it looked nice. The mushroom was a vibe. “This looks pretty nice, is he letting you keep it?”

“Yeah! He said it’s mine and I can modify it any way I want! I just can’t break it. Will I break it easily?”

“Nah. I’ve broken boards before and it usually happens on accident or when your board gets old and flimsy. Snapped mine on a rail once and lost another to a car.” Another to Frank, really, but the car did snap it.

The two of you got up and you went over how to push off just in case she forgot. You watched her go heavily to one direction and had to explain tilting to her. When pushing off, you always wanted to tilt your body as needed to help stay straight when moving. You had to show her yourself with an over-exaggerated tilt from left to right but she got the message after a few tries. 

You told her to try it out a little more. Skate from one side of the concrete to the other. She did as you told and was a little wobbly but manageable. She did hop off at the end and physically turn the board around though. Okay, so you needed to cover turning.

“If you want to do this all smoothly, you need to turn. Make sure you have good speed and start tilting your body as you approach the curve or where you’re turning from. Time it as if you were driving. You need to start tilting as you approach or you won’t make the turn.”

You skated by her side for this one, going around the whole park and going ahead of her at curves. She jumped off a few times and crashed once or twice but after around an hour of skating around, she could land a few turns if they weren’t too sharp. Yutani was starting to look tired so when you looped back to the bench, you picked up your board and sat down. You had some money on you and food or water wouldn’t hurt.

“Have you eaten yet?” you asked.

Yutani shook her head. “No. Can we get food somewhere? Or drinks? I didn’t think skateboarding was so tiring. Why do you and my dad _ do _ this? For fun?”

“Uhh, yeah? He was the pro though. This whole town is built on skateboarding, ‘Tani. Let’s go get food though. I don’t want Mully to think I starved you. What do you want?”

“Can we just get snacks at the gas station?”

“Fair enough.”

As you two left, you tried to get Yutani to skateboard at least half of the way there. She seemed eager enough and tried to keep up with you but refused any big hills and would jump off before any turns so you gave up and walked the rest of the way. You left your boards outside the gas station and went in. She grabbed one of those muffins that only seem to be sold at corner stores and skating rinks while you grabbed another pack of gum. Both of you agreed you could share a slushie. What? Everyone likes slushies. It’s a necessary part of a gas station trip.

You grabbed your boards and walked a block or so up to the abandoned church, sitting on the cheap swings behind it from when Sunday School was still a big thing.

Yutani set the slushie on the ground between you, dragging her foot through the mulch. “So how have you been? You haven’t been hanging around as much lately. The gang misses you! And dad.”

“I’ve just been a little busy, that’s all. Boring shit. Don’t swear, by the way.”

“You’re a terrible influence,” she joked, “But what boring stuff? I wanna know! I’m tired of hearing about school and my projects.”

“Work mainly and some friend of mine. He and I have a ton of business things to talk about. Boring adult things.” As if Frank was just a normal, annoying perk of adult life.

“What, is he your boyfriend or something? Is dating easy?”

“NO. He is  _ not _ my boyfriend. Guys are useless, focus on school, boyfriends aren’t necessary.”

“I was just curious! I don’t want a boyfriend. My only options would be Jake or Fresh and I don’t think I’d want to date either of them.”

“Isn’t Jake’s contact in your phone something about him being cute--”

“Shh! We don’t talk about it!” Yutani whispered this as if someone was around to hear her. Nobody went to that old church, you were alone, she was just being extra.

You laughed. “Sorry, sorry. But seriously. Guys are a waste of time. I would have sooo much more time for my favourite niece on Earth if guys weren’t so annoying.”

“You’re just upset I’m old enough to date now, aren’t you?”

“Hey, no calling me out. You may be fifteen but you will always be nine in my heart.”

“You sound like a boomer when you say that, I hope you never speak again.”

“Gross.”

You both smiled and finished up your snacks and the slushie, tossing them into the trash and leaving the old church behind. Yutani thanked you for the mini-lesson and snacks before going home. You made sure to tell her that she needed to text you when she got home just to be safe. It didn’t matter if it was a perfectly safe time of day. Safety first, kids.

You were a little tired of skateboarding so you walked the entire way back to your apartment. You were a block away from home when you stopped to text Yutani back. She was home safe, good. When you put your phone back in your pocket, a cat was sitting at your feet. It was looking up at you as if it was expecting something.

You pet it and continued on. It followed, meowing as you got closer and closer to your apartment building. Okay, so it just wasn’t gonna leave? You crouched down and started scratching its chin, trying to find a collar or tags under all of its fur. It was incredibly fluffy and at least looked like a ragdoll. You did not feel a collar of any sorts. Shit.

You considered leaving it alone. You didn’t know shit about cats. It was cute though and maybe it was chipped. You could just take it inside and take care of it for a bit. A week at most, right? If you had a ragdoll you would chip them. You allowed the cat to sniff you and rub against your hands before picking it up and running inside. Nobody needed to see you with this cat. Seeing the cat meant you owed an extra $25 a month and the cat wouldn’t  _ be _ with you for a month. You set the cat down on the floor and let it roam around the house. 

You would go out and buy it some food in a minute. Wet food would work, right? And you could buy a litter box and some litter at the dollar store. 

The cat settled down on the couch, curling up into a ball and happily swishing its tail. You scratched it’s head, sighing. “You’re cute. But this isn’t permanent! Don’t get used to this! Someone is probably missing you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I smoked before i wrote this so sorry for excessive mistakes!! I'm barely high, mainly just some munchies and kinda vibin. Saving the rest for my birthday this weekend :)


	25. Ouch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry frank xx he'll be fine tbh this is just the beginning of his problems

“How the fuck do you take care of a cat?”

“What?” Dorian asked, turning to look at you while she re-stocked what little clothing Kick-Side sold. People will pay just about any price for trippy shirts and over-priced clout goggles when you live in a town known for skateboarding.

You sighed. “How do you take care of a cat? I need to know and you have Salem so I thought I’d ask you.”

“When did you get a cat? I need details, (Y/N), details! Do you have pictures?”

“I’m just taking care of it for a week. It wouldn’t leave me alone and it was kinda cute so I’m just trying to keep it fed and alive until someone comes and takes it. I think it’s a girl? Haven't spent much time with the cat.”

“That’s what everyone says. Face it, that’s your cat now. What’s it look like?”

“Ragdoll, big eyes, really fluffy and meows non-stop.”

She nodded. “Cute, cute. I’ve seen that cat before though and that’s a stray. As I said, that’s your cat now.”

You groaned, walking out from behind the counter to help her stock and so you could talk without her having to stop and put things up. Getting a cat was on the very bottom of your to-do list. You didn’t even have any sort of aspiration list or to-do list. The cat was nice enough though and you were making enough money to get buy so… okay. Your cat. This is fine.

Once you two finished setting things up and taking care of a handful of customers, Dorian texted you a list of cat essentials, and things went on as normal. She asked if you could close the shop yourself a few minutes before closing, something about a date with Fiona, but otherwise, nothing was different. She left and you began locking things up, cleaning, and then locked the front door and left.

You took a detour on the way home to buy your new cat proper food and water bowls, more litter, dry food, a collar, and a few toys. Dorian had mentioned on the list it wasn’t  _ necessary _ but nice to have so you also grabbed a cat-bed. Maybe you could buy a scratching-post when you got your next paycheck.

The cat seemed happy enough when you showed up with bags, weaving between your legs and rubbing her head against your ankles. She trotted behind you as you set things up throughout the apartment, finally settling down on the living room floor while you opened up her toys. While you were trying to figure out how to open the impossible packaging, the cat was sticking her head inside the plastic bag from the store and purring.

You really needed to name that thing. The Cat was starting to get repetitive in your head.

Tossing the toys onto the floor, you took the bag away from her and threw it away. “You’re a nice cat, aren’t you? A nice cat deserves a nice name... I don’t know how to name a cat.”

Well, that would be a problem.

You watched the cat for around five minutes. She was busy chasing her new toys around and rolling all over the floor. “I’ll name you Honey. That’s cute, right? Does that sound easy enough?”

Honey meowed.

“Okay. Honey it is.”

You laid on the floor, watching Honey play until your phone buzzed. Oh, come on! Couldn’t you watch your new cat in peace? Whatever. You never had peace around here in the first place.

_ The spot. Now. _

Hadn’t you just had an important talk with Frank two days ago? Like, on Saturday? Three words seemed urgent though so you grabbed your things, saying goodbye to Honey before bolting for the tracks. You almost fell from how fast you were hopping on your board. You dropped it in the grass at the opening of the enclosed space, climbing on top of your ‘claimed’ train car. You and he were always there sitting on it so it was yours, that’s just how it worked.

Frank was quiet and his mask was on. You noticed he only ever had it in public, never around you, but this time you apparently weren’t an exception. 

The two of you sat there in silence. You kept your eyes trained on the ground below and you assumed he was staring straight ahead. It was hard to tell with that damned mask on. It was like a game. Where was he looking? Would he speak first? You were on fairly good terms considering the way he had been using you but things were also as tense as when you met. Some teases were more like taunts, an ‘I dare you to speak like that to me.’ But things were fine. They did not feel fine.

Frank took a deep breath. “I thought earning your forgiveness would make things work themselves out but instead I feel even more guilty than before.”

“Well, what do you feel guilty for?” you asked, glancing up at him.

“Having to get teenagers involved in the highs and lows of my job.”

“And why the fuck has the guilt increased?”

“I was doing my job. I always have to do my job. So I had sources and ears where I needed them. Do you know how disgusting it feels to hear someone joking about how their family member is growing up and how you don’t think they’re old enough to date and know you probably have to kill a child’s source of happiness? The person you find ‘cute’ as a fifteen-year-old has little value in the long run but Jesus fuck. Ever since you’ve endorsed this whole emotional thing, I’m sensitive! Do you see my problem?”

Not being able to see Frank’s face made you uneasy. A mask was nothing compared to a face, even if Frank wasn’t the most expressive man out there. “Then don’t kill Jake.”

“At first, I didn’t think I would have to. But now? Oh, I’ll be dead if I don’t.”

“If you’re trying to scare me it won’t work. I don’t believe you have to.”

“(Y/N), if I were trying to scare you, you’d be looking me in the eyes,” he hissed, and his tone reminded me of every moment you had before the alliance. This was a good reminder. If you could get him pissed off, you could get that mask off and make things ten times easier for you to interpret. Checkmate, bunny-boy.

You looked directly at him, assuming he could see well enough out of the mask to understand this was eye-contact. “Well, I’m not fucking afraid of you so look me in the eyes. Prove to me you aren’t lying.”

He hesitated before taking the mask off and tossing it aside. You stared at each other as you held your breath, trying to maintain the energy you needed to pull this off. 

“Well,” you said, “I’m definitely not afraid of you. As I said, I don’t think you have to kill anyone.”

“You’re treating it like it’s a choice I have. I don’t have one,” Frank looked you up and down as if he was profiling you, just like he used to, and rolled his eyes. “If you wanted evidence you could have said it. You want proof I don’t have a choice? Here.”

You wouldn’t say he had bangs or fringe but he had some sort of side part that framed his face. He brushed that aside. There was a short but thick slice and it looked pretty damn recent. Light scabbing around the edges but if you touched it, you had a feeling there would be at least a little blood on your finger-tips. You suddenly felt very, very bad for ever doubting him. He wasn’t kidding when he said things were violent, huh?

“Shit, Frank, I… Why did they do that to you?”

“They aren’t stupid. They could tell I was getting a little too attached to you or at least your well-being. So they decided to remind me who is in charge and change up my goal. The information doesn’t matter anymore. I have to get rid of that kid.”

So this is what your ‘Frank is running out of time’ theory turned out to be. He was running out of time to do as he was told and only as told. And now you were indirectly responsible, right? I mean, you were the attachment? 

He shook his head and looked at the grass below, chuckling. “Why do you look so surprised? I told you about how my job works.”

“Jesus, I don’t know, maybe I feel bad for fucking prodding at you and trying to accuse you of lying? It’s called remorse,” you scoffed, earning his attention again. You didn’t want to touch the gash, it would probably hurt like a bitch for him and you didn’t want blood on your fingers, but you were curious. You reached your hand out and ran your thumb along the side of his cheek, trying not to get too close to the end of the cut. “Let me clean this for you. Please. It looks disgusting.”

“I don’t think you need to. I don’t know what’s motivating you to show so much hospitality to me lately but I need you to stop it.”

“Please. Nothing personal this time, I promise. That looks nasty and you know it’ll get infected if you don’t take care of it.”

Frank sighed, giving up. “Fine. But I’m leaving right after. I told you what I had to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I say this too much but omf you guys leaving comments and messages is so sweet like <33 all of you never fail to amaze me I seriously owe you guys so much


	26. making things worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have nothing to say about this but I sincerely hope all of you do

You left Frank alone on the couch while you went to dig through your cabinets and grab a few clean cloths and bandages. You weren’t sure you even knew how to deal with the cut. You were a skater. You cleaned road-rash and the occasional cut from a tree branch or chain-link fence. What? You’d never met a skater who had never jumped a fence before. It was safe to assume whatever did that was a blade or knife though, so you at least had google on your side. The cleaning process was pretty basic besides the added steps of using vaseline to help keep dirt out and keep it from drying out and having to use bandages.

On a better note, Frank didn’t look as tense or confused as he usually did in your apartment. This was his third time there and for once he didn’t look like he was lost or wanted to spontaneously combust. 

You dipped back into the bathroom to dampen one of the cloths with warm water before heading back out and sitting beside him. “How did you get that thing anyway? What did they do to you?”

“They had some sort of knife in their hand and they swung at me. I had a slow reaction time and got cut. It’s simple.” Frank said this as if you were a total dumbass and part of you considered shoving him onto the floor, just as a harmless joke, but it wouldn’t help you out here at all.

“Must have swung pretty fucking hard,” you muttered, taking one hand and gently holding his face, “Hold still.”

You made sure to start around the wound to get rid of dirt and dried blood but when you got closer to the actual cut he winced and you drew the cloth back almost immediately. You gave him a second to relax before continuing, mumbling a small ‘sorry’ whenever he would tense up. You wanted to avoid actually touching the cut but you did have to clean it out. It didn’t matter if it hurt. Would it help if you talked? The silence made it easier to focus on pain.

“Maybe you should get this checked out. It looks a bit deep,” you said, gently using the cloth to wash the cut. Frank held his breath.

“And tell them what? Tripped on a knife? Got jumped? I don’t go places when I get hurt. I take care of myself. I told you I didn’t need you to do this either.”

“It’s a hospital, not a police station, Frank. I know you can take care of yourself but it’s not like you  _ have _ to. I’m trying to rebuild some trust here. For my sake by the way, not yours.”

He flinched again and you stopped, getting up to rinse the cloth off before coming back. Giving him a minute was good for both of you. Made you feel less guilty about being the reason he was hurt and also gave you a second to think of a new perspective. It wasn’t your fault but those people’s. Whatever. Bigger issues than blame were on the table.

The two of you sat in silence this time, you focussed on cleaning and not trying to communicate. It hadn’t helped anything or made it worse, it was just useless. There was no noise other than Honey in the kitchen, him occasionally mumbling when it hurt, and you apologising. Maybe it was better this way. 

Once it was properly cleaned out, you took the other cloth and pressed it against the cut. You didn’t want to cause him any more pain than he was already in but it was sort of necessary. He did not seem to like it either way. “Shit, this is why I prefer to take care of myself. I avoid painful processes.”

“Fuck off. It’s better to try and get it to stop bleeding than just leaving it alone.” You pulled the cloth away after about a minute and a half, sighing, “I would apologise but at this point, I think I’m doing more than you would have for yourself. You can’t treat what happened with a knife like something you got because you fell or accidentally cut yourself.”

“I can. You just don’t want me to. There’s a big difference.”

“For someone who acts like they only care about themselves, you take terrible care of yourself.”

“And what would you consider actually taking care of myself? Do tell, I’m clearly invested.” 

Sarcastic asshole, but you would not tell him that. Not right now. “Don’t do the bare minimum to treat a wound, take the time to understand and experience emotion even if it’s hard… You know, just take care of yourself and don't half-ass it.”

“You half-ass it too! It just seems worse when I do it because I never have the time to take care of myself anyway. I’ll survive.”

“Just because ‘you’ll survive’ doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to worry about you, asshole.”

“Thought we weren’t making this personal?”

“It’s not like it wasn’t obvious anyway. If I wasn’t worried about you I wouldn’t be wasting my breath. Now shut up, I’m going to have to listen to you complain in a second and I do not need to hear your voice trying to talk to me.” Frank was very confused for a second until you took your finger and started applying vaseline around the edges of the cut. Google said it was helpful and you had done this for some nasty road rash before and it  _ did _ help. Just like you suspected, he muttered profanity under his breath and if he didn’t know it would help, he would have pushed you away or backed up.

“That hurts like a bitch. Is this really necessary?”

“Yes? I’m being as gentle as I can. Stop asking me stupid questions, at least when I bother you I have important things to ask.”

“Well, it does hurt! You try getting stabbed. It’s painful as fuck and it hurts to touch.”

Feeling a little bad, you softened your tone. “I’m sorry, alright? But it is necessary.”

You managed to go back to silence until you were finished, wiping the extra vaseline off of your finger on a clean spot of one of the cloths. You leaned back a bit, trying to look at the cut. It looked better than before at the very least. Better than getting infected.

“...Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Things felt tense yet again. Frank understood that he was probably supposed to leave now as he had said, but it felt wrong to just get up and go right after you had wasted your time on him. He knew it was hard to put up with him. He wasn’t a good person and there was a lot about his life that was hard to accept. The fact you still tried to care about him even after all you went through was surprising.

“You know, you don’t have to do this type of shit for me. Or feel inclined to.”

You nodded. “I know. I want to, though. It’s getting to the point where all of the crazy shit you say and do is starting to sound  _ normal _ . Never thought it would but here we are.”

“You’re probably the only person who has ever called this normal other than me.”

“Frank, you’ve literally become the biggest problem I have and you haven’t gone away. I would consider this normal by now.”

“I feel like I’m supposed to owe you something for saying that.”

“Well, you don’t.”

“You’re selfless. It’s stupid.”

“You’re stupid.”

You knew he was trying to hide it but you could still see the slight change in his expression. He wanted to smile, even if it didn’t fit the way he presents himself. You found yourself brushing your thumb near the wound again, a pretty sad attempt to show you cared about him. “You may be the worst person I’ve ever met but I haven’t lost every bit of hope I have in you.”

“Why? You quite literally said you hate me and will for forever. What changed that?”

“I mean, what made you change your mind about me? You started to distance yourself when you realised you were attached. Now you’ve been trying to earn my forgiveness.”

“I don’t know. I give a shit about you? Don’t entirely want you dead? You’re asking questions I can’t answer.”

“So stop asking me ones I can’t either and just accept it for what it is.”

Neither of you understood what your problem was. At all. You had no idea how he felt but you? For some reason, you felt nervous. What were you supposed to say no? Should he just leave as you planned? You were clueless. All you knew was you both addressed something neither of you could figure out and it only brought you more questions. 

You also knew that you were close to him. You had to be when you were cleaning the cut. If you were any closer you would probably be on his lap. You were close and confused, and he didn’t seem to have any clue what to do either, but you both leaned in just slightly, and you finally understood that you wanted to kiss him, and that was terrifying. But it wasn’t like your life could get any worse at this point. 

It was him who spoke up. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s a lie, we both know. Can I?”

“Frank, just shut up and do it.” 

He kissed you the moment you said that. Despite how afraid you were of this ever happening, it was relieving. You brought your hand away from the cut and instead cupped his cheek while he had his hand basically cupping the back of your neck. You could tell your hands were shaking, you weren’t lying about being nervous, but it didn’t matter. This was one of those moments where adrenaline made you feel like you were going to die and that feeling made you feel more alive than anything else. This wasn’t good for you or him, it never had been and nor would it ever be, but it made your emotions finally make sense.

You kept your head low when you pulled away. This was the  _ real _ last thing you had ever expected to do. Much worse than adopting a cat.

“You make things really complicated for me, did you know that?” Frank murmured, sighing.

“Yeah, well, you’ve made my whole life complicated. I’d say we’re even.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone said they really liked the idea of a kiss to shut someone up and that's a fun trope but I did twist it just a little? i hope it still qualifies? I knew exactly where this chapter was going but no idea how to actually write the kiss so it helped a lot either way


	27. emotions? no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi sorry this is actually short not just me being dramatic, I needed a bit of a filler so I can advance on to the more important part here,

You had known the entire time Frank would have to leave but when he got up and said goodbye you still felt hurt.

Okay, so you hadn’t entirely sorted out your feelings, but this is progress. You at least felt some sort of romantic feelings towards Frank. You  _ had _ to. I mean, you did kiss him and it’s not like you kiss just anyone. When did your life become this way? Catching feelings for someone who had your life wrapped around their finger? It was stupid. Everything about feelings was stupid.

You had had a few boyfriends in the past and even one or two girlfriends and all it had taught you was that romance was pointless. It never meant anything. You had dated people who only loved you when you were both high, people who you did care about but you were just too young to last, you had experimented and been someone else’s experiment. For fucks sake, you even had people who you never actually dated but as long as your friends were together you would be all over them and even down to fuck, nobody was ever sober those days. This felt different though. It was pointless just like every other person or thing you had loved but it was different.

You didn’t think being involved with Frank was a good idea. He had admitted that it was dangerous. He said you needed to back off but at the end of the day, it wouldn’t do anything. He was the one who had to make the right choices. 

Did you know what he needed to do or what these right choices were? No. But you understood that you weren’t the thing he was supposed to choose. Maybe it was better if he didn’t. You could forget anything ever happened or it could be something not so serious. You didn’t have to get together at some point. You were okay if you only mattered when you both needed someone else to be there. 

No. That was dumber than considering a normal relationship. You were not interested in dating Frank and he probably wasn’t either. You didn’t need to be interested in him at all. If you put it aside, you could probably get over it. Things were better before you understood how you felt.

If you thought you were conflicted, you were actually understanding things compared to Frank. 

He could tell you were scared when you kissed. He was too and considering he hadn’t been afraid in a very long time, that was either a good or bad thing with no in-between. Frank had managed to keep calm around you but now? Walking the streets gave him freedom. The dark alleys and shallowness of the forest were comforting in that sense. He didn’t have to pretend his hands weren’t shaking and that his heart wasn’t beating so fast it made his vision pulse with it.

Frank had never liked emotions of any kind. He learned not to emote, to keep to himself, to metaphorically and physically mask everything he felt. You were a breakthrough to all of that. He felt something and it was so new, so foreign that it passed every barrier he made. Of all things that could have happened, why did he develop feelings for you?

You were a problem. You had put him in a situation where he had to choose between his morals and his job. You were persistent. You broke boundaries and half the time he couldn’t even be mad at you for it. He had already overstepped many on his own. Things weren’t as simple and spiteful as when you met. God, when you met. 

You had always been attractive to him. That was true but it meant nothing, just a mere observation based entirely on aesthetics. Whenever you two would get into fights he would profile you and sometimes he found you interesting. You cried in response to not just sadness but anger. You were defensive. As both of you slowly started to form an alliance, he noticed you liked information just about as much as he did but for the exact opposite reason. You wanted to feel included. Frank? He wanted to feel superior.

The more he noticed your habits, the more he started to feel conflicted. You made him feel guilty for his actions, irresponsible, you simply made him reflect. Lately, there had been something more and he knew. There was a need to prove himself to you and earn your approval. Especially after the way you had screamed at him and the things you did to avoid him. 

Frank would never have guessed that would turn to romantic feelings. It wasn’t supposed to. 

Half the reason he was scared was because he didn’t know how to deal with those feelings. What were you supposed to do now? It wasn’t like he was interested in a relationship. He knew nothing about them. But he didn’t want to pretend it didn't happen. On the other hand, he needed to pretend nothing happened. The last thing he wanted (and that he was sure of) was for you to have a target on your back because of him. If  _ anybody _ he knew ever found out about that little moment? He could consider you dead. Literally. 

From a less gruesome perspective, he was also afraid because he didn’t know how to process this. He had tried to convince himself he could love someone before and it never worked out. At the end of the day, he knew that affection disgusted him. Flattery only got so far. He didn’t have the time to love someone. You were a different case though and how was he supposed to just accept that? Frank had forgotten what real love was a long, long time ago. 

Hopefully, you wouldn’t be too mad at him for the trouble he was about to get you into.

A branch snapped. He turned around, seeing nothing. 

Another branch. “Frank.”

Shit. He knew that voice.

Fuck thinking about you. He needed to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since this is starting to get a bit of attention i just want to say please feel free to submit me ideas or things you would like to see! my tumblr is @ gaysandbooks, just dm me or send an ask!!
> 
> also sorry for not updating!! school and what not is out here whooping my ass. Also I may not update tomorrow cause yknow, day of birth, probably going to spend time with my parents and if I'm lucky maybe a friend or two :)


	28. parallels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i refuse to explain anything, have fun :) <3

There are a few things to consider when it comes to running. One, you need a strategy. Is this for the sake of running or are you trying to accomplish something? Two, you need to pay attention to your surroundings.

Frank was not considering either of those things. Frank did not fear anything other than emotions and sometimes needles. He also did not fear any _ one _ . Except for her. He was recently becoming worried over what his superiors may do to him but she was terrifying and she wasn’t even technically one of them. The only thing fueling him was fear. 

He quickly tried to put his well-known mask on as he ran, fumbling and nearly hitting a tree whenever he would adjust it wrong and fuck up where the eye-holes were. Maybe hitting the tree shouldn’t have been what he was concerned about. The roots were the real devils. Soon enough, he was on the ground and scrambling to get up and go. Go before he was caught. Sadly, Frank was a bit too late for that. As he began to push himself off the ground, a doc marten slammed into his back, knocking him right back over. The woman used her foot to roll him over and then firmly planted her boot on his chest, leaning down on her knee to look at him.

“It’s been a while, Frank. Didn’t expect to meet you here,” she hummed, “I would have preferred office. We don’t all get what we want though, do we?”

Frank held his breath. “Why don’t we forget we saw each other? The boss doesn’t care for petty affairs. You’re his favourite. You have better things to do, correct?”

She shook her head. “Oh, I wish I did. You’re actually a personal assignment! Quite sad about it. I was out in California before they ordered me back to this dump.”

“I haven’t done anything wrong. There must be a misunderstanding. I have my own work to do, I can’t do it trapped under your foot.”

“You won’t be the one deciding that. I will.”

You thought Dorian was going to kill you when you came into work the next morning. She had run over to you with so much energy it almost hurt to think about it. Who the hell could be this happy when at  _ work _ ? You loved your job, seriously, but not enough to be that energetic at that hour.

“I don’t like the way you’re looking at me. Do you need a favour or did something good happen?” You asked, writing down the time on the new time-sheets you were now required to fill out. Dorian had told you about it over some email, cooperation rules or something like that. 

“Something good! Something you’ll like but also good for me.”

“Let’s hear it, then.”

“Okay, so! You’re friends with Brax. You said that literally the day we met but he had just quit and moved out of the state. He’s back in town! He called me the other day and told me his girlfriend got a super good job offer. Kind of ironic since they moved so he could start his music career anyway. He said it’s way better money than what he was going to get before.”

You actually found yourself smiling at this. You had lost contact with Brax after highschool since you moved out of town for college. He stayed in town but ironically moved out right when you came back. Time is a funny thing. “Seriously? Airdrop me his number or something!”

Working was boring other than that interaction. The shop was busy and you found yourself dealing with a bunch of skater gangs, newbies, and also an odd amount of older people trying to buy a board for their kids or millennial siblings. The entire time you found yourself excited to text Brax. You had missed him if you were honest. You had always been an iconic duo as teenagers and there was no reason for you to fall off now. He had a good heart, was extremely talented, and knew how to have fun. Of course, you wanted to see him again.

You texted him the moment you got home, setting your phone down after. He was probably busy trying to unpack and settle back in. This was all exciting to you but it sounded like a sudden move. He most likely needed time. That was fine, you needed to take care of Honey anyway.

_ Hey!! This is Brax, right? _

You heard your phone ding seconds after. You were busy filling Honey’s bowl though so it would have to wait. Honey graciously ignored her fresh, crisp water and instead followed you to your room, hopping on your bed and curling up on a pillow, watching you with curious eyes.

_ yeah! who is this, i dont have your number saved :( _

_ (Y/N), remember? Kinda sad if not _

_ nooo of course i remember! oh my god we never got to talk after high school! hru? its been forever _

_ I’m alright omfg we need to catch up soon! I missed you _

_ definitely, i just finished unpacking a ton of shit and need a break so do you want to meet down at the skatepark in like fifteen? you needdd to meet my girlfriend you guys never properly me _

__ _ Definitely _

This was the best thing to happen to you in a long time. Life was so complicated after meeting Frank, reuniting with Brax would serve you well. He seemed just the same as when you were friends. You even felt motivated to dress half-decent instead of the comfy-yet-presentable clothes you wore to work. You switched out your t-shirt for one of your nicer graphic tees and threw on an old flannel that was somehow still too big for you. It had been years since you bought it, a size too big, but it just wouldn’t shrink.

You found yourself pacing around the room while you waited until you had to leave. Honey watched, eyes trailing back and forth. She hopped off of the bed and sat in front of your feet, meowing and sniffing your shoes. You sat down with her and petted her head, sighing.

She purred.

“You want me to calm down, don’t you, Honey? I guess I look more anxious than excited if I’m pacing.”

Honey blinked. She was a cat and did not understand complex English sentences.

“You’re a good listener.”

‘Good’! Honey knew that word. More purring.

Sighing, you kissed the cat’s head before checking the time. You could head out now without showing up too early. Getting up, you grabbed your board and said goodbye to the cat before heading out. The skatepark was crowded but you managed to find an empty bench, sitting down and trying to calm your nerves. Holy shit. You were about to see your best friend for the first time in what? Three years? Two? Two years. You both waited one year until starting college and both got an associates degree.

You were still trying to breathe and set your head straight when you heard a loud voice across the park. “(Y/N)!”

You look up, seeing a tall, dark man running towards you. Shit! Brax! God, he had gotten taller since the last time you saw him! You jumped up, jogging towards him and almost knocking the wind out of yourself when you practically ran into him, throwing your arms around your old friend.

“Brax! Oh my god, you’re  _ actually _ back in town!”

He laughed. “Of course I am! Why would I lie? Wow, you’ve changed a lot. Not in a bad way!”

“So have you! You’re taller! And your hug nearly just killed me, Jesus, did you start working out or something?”

“Nope. You must be getting weak or something. So, you still wear your nose ring? I thought you took it out around junior or senior year.”

You nodded. “I did take it out but I put it back in literally a few days ago. Wait. Oh my god. Did you pierce your septum?”

“Yeah! Does it look okay?”

“It looks awesome! Your style, your septum… College really built you, huh? I remember when all you wore was a Thrasher hoodie and jeans.”

He grinned and turned to look beside him as a woman came up to stand beside him. “Oh yeah, this is my girlfriend. You two have never had a real conversation so I thought you two could meet while we reconnected.”

His girlfriend was interesting, to say the least. She looked nice enough but something about her gave off of this bold energy that you couldn’t exactly place. The way she smiled at you was warm and welcoming but something about her eyes made you… uneasy. Maybe it was just the eye-makeup? A good cat-eye will make anyone look badass.

You shook it off and extended your hand, trying to smile back at her. “It’s nice to formally meet you. Brax has never said a single bad thing about you, you must be an amazing woman.”

“Thank you, it means a lot that you would say that. I’m Gwen.” Her grip was tight and frankly, it sort of intimidated you. You noticed one of her dark red nails were broken when she let go of your hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i dont think i'll update tomorrow  
> me, today, which is the tomorrow in question: haha update make brain go brrrr  
> ALSO LEMME TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING I FOUND SWEET TODAY my friend and I are like super close like hella close yeah whatever but her mom wrote me this paragraph today cause like yknow birthday and It was so sweet and oh my god I'm crying thinking about it. i wont disclose much cause its very personal but she said thank you for keeping your promise to me for the past two years LIKE YES OFC I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU'RE MY OWN MOM she said she considers me to be one of her daughters and omg I'm sobbing not even joking there are tears


	29. fightfightfight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter contains depictions of violence. Nothing too bad but if you are sensitive to it, proceed with caution

Now, being locked in a concrete room with no windows or vents is very far from luxury. The few items in the room were also of no use. A thin, cheap sheet that was probably from the dollar store, a questionable old pillow, and a metal shelf. No water, no food, nothing necessary. The sheet and pillow were too low quality to be useful either. Maybe if you didn’t want to sit on a bunch of dust it was nice but that was about it.

Frank knew exactly how he got there. It was that fucking  _ bitch _ . To have someone like that against him was proven to be a pain in the ass. I mean, he was locked up somewhere. As long as they were not on the same team, she was a threat and she was truly terrifying in that sense. Unlike the people in charge, the more destructive she was, the better. She could afford blood on her hands and would most likely enjoy it. He did not want to fall victim. 

As if on cue, one of the ceiling tiles opened up and she dropped down onto the rough stairs towards the front of the room. He knew how the technology worked with that, their boss had designed it. He wouldn’t be getting out unless he had something he could use to try and hack the systems or he got past her.

The woman dusted herself off and walked over. “Oh, good! You’re awake. For a moment I thought I had killed you. I wouldn’t ever want to do that so early on into the game.”

“There is no game. I told you, I haven’t done anything wrong. You aren’t even my superior,” Frank hissed, glaring up at her before shakily standing up. Fuck. She must have tossed him around that night. Everything hurt.

“But I am!” she insisted, “I am. I’m the favourite. The stronger out of the two of us. There’s a reason I’m here for you and you aren’t by my side.”

“We trained together. You’re only ahead of me because you have charisma on your side.”

“I’m ahead of you because I did whatever it took and didn’t look back. I’m the boss’ right-hand man and what are you? A spider under my foot?”

He took a deep breath. He could provoke her very easily but would it be worth it? Frank could clearly see the thin blade strapped to her leg by a garter and if he pissed her off enough, she wouldn’t hesitate to use the knife against him. She was also doing perfectly fine while he felt bruised and slightly beaten. He would have to play smart and not hard if he wanted to trick or beat her. 

This was all a matter of who would outsmart who. He had the upper hand in intelligence but she was the physical fighter. As much as he hated this woman, there was a professional sense of respect. Maybe he could play professionally and then provoke. She would have to process the change and it would give him time to fight back.”

Frank nodded towards her arm. “When did you get the tattoo?”

She looked down. On her inner fore-arm in neat writing was the Greek name for Persephone,  Περσεφόνη. “I got it while I was out of town. I earned the nickname so I wanted to display it. Nobody but people like us understand it anyway. As far as you are concerned, it  _ is _ my name. We aren’t recruits anymore.”

“It’s a shame everyone nicknamed you Persephone. You’re far from everything that goddess is. She accepted her power for what it was when she became queen of the Underworld and became more feared than Hades. You? They should have called you Kore. You’re just a kid. Nobody here bows down to your feet. You may be second in command but you will  _ never _ be number one.”

At first, she looked amused. Amusement slowly faded into anger as she took a step forward, crossing her arms. “I don’t fuck with your tone. I will remind you that your life is in MY HANDS. I wouldn’t mouth-off.”

“And I wouldn’t get too cocky.” Before ‘Persephone’ as people apparently called her could get any ideas, Frank took his arm and slammed it into her nose, trying to mainly hit her with his elbow. It would be uncomfortable for him but considering the fact he was not weak and how sensitive the nose is, she would be in pain. And she was.

A hand went quickly up to her face as her eyes naturally watered. Tears weren’t the only thing streaming down her face when she drew her hand away, blood on her fingertips. “You little bitch.”

Panic sat in as she launched herself at him, reaching down to grab the knife. He didn’t know what to do to combat this and blindly kicked at her legs, hoping to push her back. Frank managed to hit her legs and she fell backwards, taking a second to let the feeling of the impact fade before pulling out the blade and sitting up.

Shit.

He tried to run towards the other side of the room but she was quick and got on her knees, grabbing his ankles and bringing him right down with her. She scrambled up and put her knee firmly on his chest, close to his neck, and held the knife against his throat.

“You’re worthless! You can’t even fight me!” she exclaimed, wiping away the blood that was beginning to dry on her face.

“I don’t want to hurt you to win.”

“Because you’re a pussy! The weaker link!” she stopped, using her free hand to push her hair out of her face. “I was better than you from the moment we were considered official for this job. You never learned to stop thinking with your head and I realised you have to thrive on the adrenaline. You only learned to stop letting your heart get in the way. And now you can’t even do that right!”

“What do you mean? What the hell do you know about the way I think?”

“They know about your little attachment issue.  _ I _ know about it. It was funny at first. You, stupid enough to get attached to someone? You are supposed to be smart! But the affection, kiss… Your intelligence turns out to be worth nothing.”

Frank was already having trouble breathing because of the pressure on his chest and the knife to his throat but the mention of you made him choke, trying to sit up and struggle until he realised the metal pressing deeper against his neck would end up cutting him if he kept it up.

She laughed. “Oh my god! Do you really care about them? Nobody loves you, Frank. They probably haven’t noticed you’re missing.”

“That’s not true. They’re very curious and observant. They’d notice if I left.”

“But they wouldn’t. They’ll notice you quit showing up and forget you. You won’t matter. You wouldn’t even be considered an old friend, let alone a fling. That’s if we don’t end up killing you both.”

He knew it wasn’t smart but Frank knew he had to get out. His silence registered with her as realising she was right and she smiled. This was over in seconds as he brought one of his legs up and slammed it into her side, pushing her off and rolling over. He stumbled up and used one arm to pin her down by her shoulders, prying the knife from her hands.

“I may be worthless,” he whispered, “but I will never again act like the heartless twat you are.”

“You’re not the hero for having a little more morality than me. We’ll always be the same,” she insisted, beginning to sit up and throw another hit. Frank acted quick with an upper-cut and she fell back yet again, head hitting the pavement, and was still.

He was careful when checking her pulse. She was fine, but out like a light. Thank god.

Frank may have hated this person with every ounce of his soul but they were co-workers. He knew her. The key out would be in her boot. She hid everything there when they were fresh to the system. Looking at the small touchpad, he analysed it until he could tell recent fingerprints from old. The code was three digits, and 7 1 9 were freshly touched.

He ran to the stairs, quickly trying combinations of those numbers until the tile opened and he crawled out, running down the dark metal hallways until he found the old, rusty exit. Freedom was the woods out by the old tunnel.

Now he needed to get the fuck out of there and find you. He would have to worry about the terrible physical condition he was in later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how we all feeling bout this? Liking the drama? Want Frank to catch a break?


	30. literally no peace at this mf gas station

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the shitty chapter, i cant even explain my mental state its like... oh ana by mother mother but in the same playlist as nuts by lil peep and touch by sleeping at last

It was dark out and you were spending your Wednesday night crowded into Dorian’s apartment with Brax. Dorian was laying on the bed, counting money while you and Brax sat on the floor, you painting his nails a warm yellow.  
Dorian groaned, quickly recounting the cash in her hands before draping over the side of the bed to look at you. “Guys, we have a problem. We wanted to buy five grams, right? If we buy wraps too we won’t be able to get that.”  
“Well… How much are wraps? I don’t know your plug,” you said, starting to apply the second coat to Brax’s nails.  
“He only has Zig Zags right now. They’re pretty average, literally, everyone knows they’re good for getting the job done, nothing special. Problem is that he only sells wraps in bulk for profit reasons. We would be paying twenty dollars but would get like fifty rolling papers out of it and we could split them.”  
Brax chimed in, “Or we could just buy wraps at the gas station? They’re seriously so cheap there.”  
You nodded.  
“Huh. Smart! Thank you, Brax. I lost my last brain cell with common sense the day I picked up a skateboard at thirteen.” Dorian went back to laying comfortably, texting and overall just vibing while you continued to paint Brax’s nails. He offered to paint yours and you accepted, letting him choose the colour.  
You sort of regretted it because he picked a dark, orange-ish, sort of brown-red but kept quiet. Brax had amazing style these days, he was doing what was best for you. He had just finished the first coat when Dorian jumped up, grabbing her traditional drawstring bag and throwing on some vans. Both of you got the hint and also got up, fumbling to put on shoes and grab skateboards, put on hoodies, sweaters, everything needed for a middle-of-the-night buy.  
You all skated down the familiar sidewalks and crossroads until you reached the gas station, Dorian sitting on her board while Brax turned his upside down so it wouldn’t roll away.  
“He texted me five minutes ago ‘be there in five’ so he’ll be here in five minutes, you know how it is. We have a bit of time to waste.” Dorian said.  
You sat your board down beside Brax’s.“I’ll go and grab snacks and wraps. What munchies do you guys want?”   
Everyone seemed to agree on a bag of Takis and candy so you headed in, grabbing the chips. There was no clarification on what kind of candy to get so you grabbed Sour Patch Kids and a Hershey bar. As for wraps you had limited options in terms of brand and flavour. Ironically they only had Zig-Zags so you picked out vanilla, paid, and headed out. Dorian and Brax were still waiting.  
You handed the food off to Brax before sitting down between him and Dorian. You were on your phone trying to pass time when you noticed a text pop up and cursed. To make matters worse, you could see headlights approaching.  
Did stuff have to happen every time you were having fun? Was the universe mad at you? Couldn’t the person wait? They could wait. Nobody important would be up at two in the morning. Dorian stood up and got the group’s shit, showing off the nugs to you and Brax before tossing it in her bag. Your phone started to ring. Jesus shit, seriously?  
“Sorry guys, can we wait a second? Literally nobody ever calls me,” you said, getting up and walking over to one of the gas-pumps for a bit of privacy. When you finally looked at the caller ID you were surprised to see the name ‘Frank.’ He never, not once had called you before. He only ever sent you vague texts and then would talk to you in person. Did you fuck up? Or did he fuck up?  
You answered as quickly as possible.  
“(Y/N), listen to me, you need to come to the spot. I don’t care what you’re doing right now. I need to see you. No options. Call me back if--” you cut him off before he could finish.  
“Frank, this isn’t my voicemail! I’m here, what’s going on?”  
“You asshole, I know you could see someone texting you! God fucking dammit I… Just come on. I need to explain something to you and you need to listen. It’s urgent. I don’t even have time to be nice about this until you get here.”  
He hung up after. Part of you was annoyed that he had popped in to ruin another night out but that part was much smaller than the realistic part. You knew it was serious if he called you. Not once had he ever done that. The way he had spoken he sounded not angry but panicked and as he even said, urgent. Fuck it. You would go.   
You were beginning to see a pattern. You hang out with someone, Frank somehow gets involved, and you pick him over the current situation. Sometimes you had to and others you just felt more comfortable around him, the ‘comfortable’ times were ironically back when you were bitter not really allies but not enemies. There was no time to think about that much longer though. Dorian and Brax were staring at you and Frank needed you.  
You walked back over to the group, shrugging. “I’m really sorry guys. I have to go. I literally can’t catch a break these days.”  
Brax nodded. “It’s fine. Gwen is the same way except it’s always work for her. She’s been working non-stop since we moved back. Not to mention the night-shift.”  
“Damn, I hope you get at least some time with her. If I was dating someone I would sort of be upset if I didn’t get to do the dumb stereotype stuff like cuddling before bed after a long day.”  
“What’s up with you, though? You never ditched out on anything when we were teens unless Mully needed you.”  
You bit your lip. How do you vague-explain Frank to your childhood best friend? Dorian was easy enough, you met her when Frank showed up. Brax was different from you and Dorian. “It’s… complex. One of my friends seemed kind of freaked out and he’s one of those stone-cold bitches. I’m worried about him.”  
You made brief eye contact with Dorian and it felt like she could read your mind. She knew Frank to be your close but complicated friend with an interesting personality. She could very clearly tell the shift in tension though, even if she never knew your real deal with him. You were grateful when she did not comment on it, instead saying, “Go take care of them, dude. We’ll save some for you.”  
With that you left, mind racing as you made your way to the tracks. Were you actually worried about Frank? Sort of but not quite. His tone worried you and the fact he was distraught enough to call you instead of just sending a more assertive text but at this point how bad could things be? He already had to kill a kid, you had both overstepped what you knew shouldn’t have happened, and you were beginning to find all of this crazy shit normal.  
Ha, normal. If you had told you from a few months ago your new daily life would consist of worrying about murder, drugs (you were starting to smoke heavily again and you knew he was the stressor), and a complicated relationship, you would have guessed you somehow were in the movie Heathers.   
Thank god you were no Veronica and that Frank was just a slightly immoral asshole, not a J.D.   
You threw your board into the grass and climbed up the familiar ladder the moment you got there, sitting beside Frank. For once there was no minute of trying to adjust and collect words. He looked at you and sighed in relief, rubbing his eyes before beginning to speak.  
“I never thought I would be glad you’re alive.” He sounded fond and his expression even looked a little affectionate but it was over within a second.   
Ah, a classic. No positive emotions, ever. “Why would I be dead?”  
“That’s the part I needed to inform you about. I can’t say much to you. At all. But there’s someone on my case and they mentioned you. I don’t know what they meant when they did. It could have just been manipulation. I just need to know you’re safe.”  
“Frank, you told me I wasn’t directly involved. Of course, I’m safe.”  
He rolled his eyes. “And now I’m trying to tell you something if you would just listen. Things are different than they were at the start. You know what I’m getting told I am?”  
“..No.”  
“A problem. A weak link in the system. They want me dead and if they can’t get me, you’re the next best option. So answer me again. Are you safe? Do you keep doors locked, windows locked, know at least basic self-defence?”  
You said nothing, looking up at him. Neither of you seemed calm but there was also this odd feeling of desensitisation. You knew that you needed to be worried and you were. Life was a bitch but you enjoyed living. But at the same time, you had heard similar things so many times the past month that you were beginning to accept that the danger of you and those around you would always obvious.  
Frank met your eyes. “I’m serious. You didn’t answer me. (Y/N), I need to know that if the worst does happen you aren’t an entire fucking idiot.”  
“I know the basics and can beat someone with a bat. I’d say I’m fine,” you said, trying to sound confident. Knowing how to win a fight against someone your own age and build in high school was not the same as knowing how to protect yourself from someone like Frank. You had been afraid of Frank before, you would never stand a chance against someone who wanted your ass in a grave.  
“Good. I think I’m the one they care about most but I could most likely get off their radar.”  
“How? You’ve been telling me there’s no way to quit.”  
“There isn’t. When it boils down to situations like this it gets more complex than quitting.” You noticed the various bruises and scrapes he had as he spoke. Those weren’t there the day you tried to help him. “These situations are about power. Power brings new dynamics. This is a chance for me to die, fall to a lower position, climb the ladder and get a higher position, or breakaway. Breaking away is evidently a higher display than aiming to prove myself and get a higher position.”  
“How would you break away? Would you?”  
“Would I? I don’t know. There’s no definite answer. But breaking away is like a game. They give you an extreme circumstance. You have to get through it or do as they say and then you’re free. I’m pesky enough by being out of their hands right now where I could try to earn myself a chance to break off.”  
“What are the circumstances?”  
“You wouldn’t want to know.”  
“I’m not staying around just for you to vaguely explain things to me. We both fucked up by now. Tell me.”  
“Murder. No assignment, no mission, no for the greater good. Someone who doesn’t want to or deserve to die for any reason, not even information or the grand scheme.”  
He was right. You didn’t want to know. But who the fuck do you have to kill to escape a life like Frank’s?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i blame my heathers obsession that started in 4th grade for my taste in toxic men. j.d was such a bad person but you can't tell me Christian slater isn't hot and that in the musical that lil 'we can sit and cuddle while the fire roars' line doesn't make you want to commit arson with someone


	31. live a little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with all the drama and hey lmao what if this character dies, figured you guys may want a chill, sorta nice chapter?

You had been laying there on the train-car in silence for the past thirty minutes, staring up at the stars. You didn’t know what you were supposed to say after he brought up the fact he would have to kill someone. If it was unrelated to a mission that made the kids safe but that didn’t make it ethical. It just meant someone else who didn’t deserve to die. You didn’t want to think about that.

Sometimes you would watch Frank out of the corner of your eye. He looked tired and you could see the dark purple hues of bruises on his knuckles along with little scrapes. The wound on his forehead looked no different than it had before. Those things fucked you up. But there were also nicer details you noticed about him. His brow would furrow as he followed different paths of stars and you would occasionally see him close his eyes and just breathe for a moment. He must have been as stressed as you were if not more. This was his life at stake, after all.

“You know, with your life being so shady and shit, has anyone ever complimented you? Like, told you you’re pretty?” you blurted out, turning your head to look at him. Corner-of-the-eye wasn’t going to work if you were going to say something like that.

He faintly smiled. “No, they haven’t told me that. I’m usually too busy collecting information to have personal conversations and be called ‘pretty.’ What, do you think I’m attractive or some fucked up shit?”

“Was trying to be nice to you. This whole situation is fucked up, okay? I don’t like to think about it and I thought maybe you didn’t either.”

“If I can’t avoid your questions stop avoiding mine.”

“I wasn’t avoiding it, that is my answer! If that’s not what you wanted to hear then yes, I am calling you attractive.”

You were one-hundred percent sure you saw him smile this time. “You’re a fucking dumbass. This is the exact type of shit that got me in this situation.”

“I don’t like thinking about the situation which must be pretty ignorant since you’re the one who could die. There’s been enough shit happening without that.”

“If we’re being technical, yes, it is ignorant. But I wouldn’t consider it to be. I’m not scared of death. I’m afraid to die without ever living.” Frank shrugged, looking at you. You understood exactly what he meant.

You were not afraid to die. Everyone dies in the end, that’s how life works. Maybe if you’re lucky there’s an afterlife. Nirvana, Heaven, Hell, something out there. If not, oh well, you’re dead! What are you going to do about it? What loomed over your head was dying without living the life you want to live. You didn’t want to get older but you didn’t want to die young. You would live like Dorian Gray if you could. Never physically age and be forever as youthful as you desired but the years going by as normal.

You also understood it on a much deeper level than just never wanting to get older, knowing the risks that come with it, without living life. You understood what it was like to feel as if there was nothing good left on Earth but not being willing to die and instead tripping on that strange urge to feel alive. Those nights where you cry so hard you can’t breathe but you know that light-headed feeling and the blurry vision is like a drug. 

“Frank,” you said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Ask whatever you please.”

“Do you know how to skateboard?”

“That’s a stupid question. Of course I fucking don’t.”

“Good. I’m gonna teach you.” You said, sitting up and beginning to climb down the ladder.

“What? No. You aren’t teaching me how to skateboard. I don’t do that.”

“You said you’re scared to die without living first. Learn to fucking live, then. Living isn’t just having a comfortable, normal job and a nice house. It’s taking risks, learning something, and letting yourself feel afraid too. You’re going to learn.”

“You are the worst skateboarder alive. You almost got hit by a car,” Frank insisted, climbing down to follow you as you jogged away and picked up your board. “You would kill me and that would be counterproductive.”

“My brother was a professional skateboarder and he taught me everything I know. I’m good enough to teach you for one night.”

“You’re inane. I’m not agreeing to this.”

You shrugged, turning back to look at him for a split second before running towards the street. “Well, if you won’t skate, fine. But we’re still having fun. I was supposed to be getting high right now and you need to learn how to enjoy life. New idea. I’ll skate, you run, catch me. 

“ _ Why _ ?”

“Why not? Hurry up, I’m already ahead.” You threw your board down against the pavement and hopped on, trying to gain speed since you were going slightly uphill. You could hear Frank somewhere behind you and it made you feel a little confident he was going along with it. Alright, so he either was so used to doing what he’s been told he didn’t try to question or being vague works on him like it does with you. 

As you skated, you soon made it back to nice sidewalks and buildings instead of tracks and ruins. You waited on the curb until you could very clearly see him. You made eye contact for only a second and you were back up, skating ahead. The path you were taking was simple.

Up to your apartment, down past the gas station, then head straight until you reach the crossroad out by Dorian’s place, and from there loop back around towards the gas station as it was right outside of downtown. Then you would just work your way through there and see if you got tired or Frank caught up. Assuming he wouldn’t before.

Speaking of your apartment, you turned and swerved into the parking lot, getting a nice rush of speed from the small down-hill and then back up-hill curve. Frank wasn’t too far behind you and you could hear him shout something at you.

“Is there any end goal? Or are you making me run for the sake of running?” 

“Don’t know! We can decide on goals later.”

It was interesting, whatever this was. You would get ahead and stop to breathe and stretch and suddenly he would be on your case, breathless, but he seemed proud enough that he was catching you off-guard. He was in much better shape than you were too. There were plenty of moments when you would barely make it away from him, trailing just a few feet behind your board.

It was most interesting when you made it to the crossroad. You were leaning against a pole, trying to catch your breath, and Frank caught up to you much faster than you had anticipated. He was so close to grabbing your arm and well, that just couldn’t happen. Without thinking, you grabbed your board and ran into the street, running past cars and swerving around ones that were a bit too close for comfort.

Now, any sane person would see that and think  _ damn, they are fucking stupid _ . Frank was most likely sane but his whole life was in danger in all the wrong ways. He had done that before himself but was much calmer and collected. No risk of being hit, he was perfectly timed. He knew how to avoid the risks because there were greater ones to consider. You were so carefree though. You were running, your board hitting your legs, and it was one of the clumsiest things he had ever seen.

Naturally, he had to try this himself. No thinking, no calculating the risks, just  _ go. _

It was exciting. There was an odd thrill to going, going until you reached safety. Knowing there are headlights so many yards away and racing to beat them. He was still much better at it than you were but he was able to enjoy it. 

Sadly, him being much faster and less of a dumbass than you gave him the advantage. Alright, no time for the downtown loop. You made your way towards the old playground, getting back on your board, only to nearly crash as you reached the place. You stumbled, fell off, but your tuck-and-roll was pretty damn good and you managed to get up without any scrapes. As you were grabbing your board and running through the old chainlink gate, Frank was right behind you, and you only made it a few yards in before he had a hold of your arm.

The adrenaline and rush of everything going on prepared for that to hurt, but realistically you knew it wouldn’t. You were at a pretty fucked up point but you were fairly certain Frank would never (physically, he already whooped your ass emotionally) hurt you. It was quick and he had a good grasp but it was still pretty gentle as he spun you back around to him, pulling you to his side, or maybe his chest? You didn’t know. Both of you were clearly reaching the exhaustion point and were practically falling apart. So, naturally, you did fall.

You tossed your board aside last-minute, rolling away from Frank and staring up at the sky while you caught your breath. 

“That is the most pointless thing I have ever done,” Frank said, coughing as he tried to take a deep breath and talk at the same time.

“Yeah, I know but you’re lying if you tell me you didn’t enjoy it.”

“Chasing after you being fun? In your dreams, dumbass.”

“Already spent time chasing after your ass and look where that got me. I think you had fun and you just don’t know you did because you’re just that lame.”

“Bitch.”

“Asshole.”

“I wonder how many times you’re going to drag me into things like this. Having ‘fun’ or ‘living’, or your weird way of trying to care for everyone around you. I feel like there’s some list my authorities have and every time I let you influence me to be emotional or sensitive they mark it down and if I get so many strikes, I’m out.”

“So you’re saying I influence you to act like a normal human? You know, I never really liked literature but you remind me of this one quote.”

“Which one? Unlike you, I actually have a taste for classics and knowledge.”

“Some poet or whatever, but it’s ‘tell me every terrible thing you’ve ever did and let me love you anyway.’”

He hummed. “Edgar Allen Poe. Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you associate that with me.”

“You’ve quite literally ruined my life and I’ve basically put you to the death sentence. The newer half of everything going on is sort of my fault but the beginning? You and your fucked up job, morals, life? You started it all. And I hated it at first. But by now I’m starting to find it normal and sort of appreciate it in a weird way. I care about you. A lot.”

It wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever but you rolled a little closer to him, staring up at the stars. He had been looking at them the entire time.

“(Y/N), I hope you know I sincerely fucking hate you for this whole ‘emotional’ and ‘living life for fun’ thing.”

“Hate you too.”

You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Two dumbasses in the middle of an old playground all because they were tired of the looming threat of death.

What a fucking life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BYE the people I was playing among us with earlier were all so cool and some of us exchanged instagrams and THIS ONE GIRL IS SO GODDAMN PRETTY SHE COULD STEP ON ME
> 
> one of the people looks like they're 20+ though so I uh did not follow them no thanks I've been getting hit on by older people so often recently that I'm starting to fear guys older than 15!! the amount of times I've heard "idc, 14 isn't that bad" from people who are 17-23 is sad


	32. idk man, gwen sus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIHI EVERYONE I AM NOT DEAD IM JUST STUPID AND TURNED THE "WIRELESS CAPABILITY" SWITCH OFF ON MY LAPTOP AND DEADASS COULDNT FIGURE OUT WHY MY LAPTOP WAS ON AIRPLANE MODE I JUST DISCOVERED THE PROBLEM TONIGHT

You were exhausted after spending the night running around town with Frank but when Brax had called and begged you to hang out with him and Gwen, you couldn’t say no. You had missed your friend and it would be important to get to know his girlfriend if she was going to be around so often. Back in high school you just let her and college drift you apart but Brax was determined to get the two of you to be friends or at least get along.

It wouldn’t be hard, it wasn’t like Gwen was this major bitch that you couldn’t stand. She was just different from your other friends. You, Dorian, Brax, and even your family all had some sort of common ground, skateboarding being the most popular. Gwen wasn’t that into it which was fine but at times you felt like she was disgusted by you so you always kept your distance. Plus, she was intimating. You hadn’t forgotten about that handshake.

So there you were, drained, but still showing up. Everyone had agreed to meet at the cafe when your shift was over since it was never crowded and would be a casual place to catch up and get to know each other. Maybe you would be able to put aside the weird feeling she gave you.

You saw them the moment you walked in, sitting at a table that was right behind Frank’s usual spot. You almost went and sat where you normally would with him before remembering you were there for Brax, not Frank. Automatically it felt like Gwen was analysing you as if she could read your mind and pick out every little secret. Brax looked at her and she blinked, glancing down at the table instead.

“This place is so empty,” you said, “I’m glad you guys picked here instead of the skate park like last time.”

“It was Gwen’s idea, since she can’t skate she thought we would all do better somewhere that doesn’t involve it,” Brax hummed, giving Gwen an affectionate smile. She smiled back at him and though Brax seemed content, you felt like there was something wrong with it.

“It was a good idea.” You left it at that. If you spoke up, you would probably end up arguing with Brax or get Gwen to hate you right off the bat.

The three of you started to talk about actually ordering drinks. Brax hadn’t been to the cafe in years and Gwen said she hadn’t either. You were the only one who had been and even then it was less of your choice and more of Frank’s. “I don’t know what kind of stuff you like, Gwen, but the caramel macchiato is pretty good. Always a safe option.”

“Oh, you’ve been here recently?” she questioned, resting her chin on one of her hands. You noticed she got her nails re-done.

“Yeah, a friend of mine took me here a month or so ago. I came back once or twice since it’s pretty chill here.”

“Funny. I know a guy who comes here often myself. What a coincidence.”

“Yeah.”

The tension between you and Gwen was clear. Brax wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. Of course, he wanted his girlfriend and his best friend to get along but he didn’t want to just blurt that out and look one, stupid, two, like an asshole for suggesting they don’t. So instead he piped in, “I’ll go get us drinks. Gwen usually likes caramel so the macchiato sounds good.”

Fuckfuckfuck. Did he seriously just leave you alone with her? You loved Brax, he was a good guy with a good heart too, but was he stupid? Had he lost his mind in California? Leaving you alone with Gwen was a bad idea. You couldn’t quite tell why but you had this intense feeling something was wrong with her or that she had it out for you. If this is how things were going to be you should have asked Brax to start collecting donations to pay for a tombstone to go above your grave.

“So, are you dating anyone?” Gwen asked.

You didn’t know what you were supposed to say. “No, I’m not. I haven’t been trying to have a relationship with anybody.”

“Hm, really? That’s a shame, you’re fairly attractive. Nobody at all? Nobody you’re interested in?”

“No, nobody. I may have interest in someone but it would totally screw up our friendship so we’ve agreed we shouldn’t be together.”

“So… Friends with benefits?”

“ _ No _ . I wouldn’t fuck him, we aren’t like that. You have a much more interesting love-life than me, you have a boyfriend after all.”

You were beyond grateful when Brax came back with the drinks. You grabbed yours, thanking him, mentally adding ‘saved my ass’ to the reason why. What was with everyone around you and acting like they know something you don’t? You weren’t dating Frank (though almost everyone seemed to decide you are even if they don’t know him), you for sure were not the most attractive person to pick from, the list went on.

Things were always better when Brax was at the table. You managed to get him talking by asking about California and it truly did sound exciting.

Apparently, the apartment they had been renting was nice, a small studio, and you had a good view of the mountains from there. It was pretty hot and it rained far less than it did back home but it was enjoyable. Brax had almost gotten some sort of producer or record label but Gwen’s job offered better money so they came back home and decided they could make the music thing work with him being an indie artist. 

You were happy for Brax. You truly were. You could recall nights spent on his bedroom floor, listening to playlists while he rambled about the artists he idolised and listening to his demos. You had even helped him come up with merch ideas for when (or if) he blew up someday. Gwen seemed happy for him as well but there was still that unshakable feeling that something was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t because of her. You thought you saw your familiar little ‘problem’ walk by and instantly pretended to check your phone. 

“Hey, my brother just asked if I would call him. Do you guys mind if I step outside for a minute?”

“Mully? Of course, go ahead. Tell him I said hi!” Brax said.

Gwen arched her brows. “I didn’t know you had a brother. Go ahead, family first, right?”

You didn’t like the way she said that but gave an appreciative nod anyway before walking out, phone in hand. You shoved it right back into your pocket once you were no longer visible through the window and just as you expected, Frank was outside and was grabbing your wrist and dragging you into the ally as quickly as possible. You thought he maybe had something to tell you but there was something aggressive about it and that aggression was confirmed when you felt your shoulders hit the rough bricks. Not the throwing-(Y/N)-around bullshit again.

“(Y/N), listen to me. How do you know that woman? How do you know her and  _ why _ do you know her?” Frank hissed, holding you against the alley-wall.

“Why does it matter? She’s just some girl, Frank, calm down.”

“No! You don’t understand! I need you to answer me. Why are you with her, (Y/N). I’m not playing any fucking games right now.”

You were far past being afraid of Frank. But right now? No. He wasn’t hurting you, he wouldn’t do that, but he still had a strong grip and his tone made you want to just shrivel away from him and die. He was pissed and frantic, and he wanted answers.

“Okay! Jesus fuck, quit yelling at me! She’s dating Brax!” you said, turning your head to the side as if it would get him to shut up. No, you just couldn’t see him now. It didn’t help you at all.

“You need to stay away from her,” Frank said, dropping his voice down to a whisper, “promise me. Promise me that you’ll stay far away from her. Don’t text her, don’t call her, don't tell her anything personal.”

“You’re acting pretty damn toxic right now. What are you, my sophomore year boyfriend? Gaslight me and you’ll fit the role perfectly.”

“I understand I may be toxic right now but I am genuinely looking out for you. That bitch is nobody you need to mess with, you hear me? Look at her closely. She’s probably a bit bruised up. You wanna know why?”

“Wait, stop. When I met her, one of her nails was broken. I also hadn’t seen you that day.”

“And let me guess, they’re dark red?”

“They’re black now but they were, yes.”

“Broke a nail coming at my ass in the woods. Listen, I can’t tell you much, but she’s dangerous, okay? Stay the  _ fuck _ away from her.”

“You’re being an asshole right now but I’m going to trust you. I need you to trust me too, okay? I don’t like her. Something is off about her. I need you to believe me when I say I don’t want to be near her.”

“Do you have a way to leave?”

“They think I’m talking to my brother.”

“Then make something up about him.”

He let go of you and you nodded, using your hand to gently push him back. “I will. Also, you’ve been in my face this entire time. It’s just as annoying as yelling at me.”

“I know I have been.”

_ Asshole. But I choose to keep these feelings for him, don’t I? _

He left after that and you pulled out your phone, typing as quickly as you could.

_ Hey brax :/ really sorry but i have to dip, mully needs extra help at skate heaven. Thank you for everything though and gwen seems nice _

You didn’t feel too comfortable going home knowing what had just happened so you did head out to Skate Heaven. You for sure weren’t helping out though. You were just trying to go somewhere and figure out what the fuck the connection between Frank and Gwen meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so anyway uh sorry for not updating, I literally could not. i am so stupid. on a better note I have been falling behind in my classes, been spending a lot of time with my best friend and smoking, andddd i think I met my soulmate??? so he does cocaine but he can play the guitar and he told me he's never felt so drawn to someone before and that something about me is addicting so we can look past the cocaine xx im about to get manipulated so hard arent i


	33. morality (rewrote)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi last time i wrote chapter 33 i was just not fit to be writing lmaooo my mental state was fucked. I was writing just to get it done and not to progress the story so here is a re-wrote, thought out chapter 33. the beginning is 100% recycled but only for so long lmao you'll get it

You were the worst liar.

Not because there was something wrong with your lying abilities. It was because the circumstances never actually lined up and you just had to hope nobody was going to fact-check you. Skate Heaven was far from busy and Mully was actually sitting around and tidying up. It’s not like Brax was going to show up so that was fine, though. You were lucky this time.

“You’re walking in here with that ‘I’ve seen a ghost’ posture, what’s wrong? Did you see someone you didn’t want to?” Mully asked, glancing at you as he set down a dish-rag.

“One, ouch. Two, no, just stressed. I felt uncomfortable hanging out with some old friends so I dipped here.” You shook your head, sitting down at the counter.

“You know you can talk to me, right? Just because I have Yutani doesn’t mean I’ll judge you for anything you do or your problems. I’m your older brother, not a boomer.”

You laughed, “I know! It’s weird talking to you about it though. I’m an adult now. I should handle my own shit, right? You never seem stressed.”

“Because I know how to manage mine. Come on, tell me! I’ll buy you one of those drinks you like, the cans?”

Mully had always been this way. Being not only so much younger than him but adopted, he acted like it was his personal mission to look out for you. You appreciated it though. Not everyone was lucky enough to have a supportive family so you never took this for granted. At times you felt stupid for accepting his help but at the end of the day, when had Mully ever been wrong? It wouldn’t hurt to tell him what’s happening (vaguely of course, for Frank’s sake and your own) and get some advice. It wasn’t like you were worried about anything too personal anyway.

“They’re called Monsters. It’s a deal,” you hummed, “but about the problem. Have you ever questioned your morals? Like, if you’re actually a good person or just someone pretending to be one?”

Mully thought for a moment, coming around the counter and sitting down beside you. You spun on the stool to face him, almost forgetting the conversation. Spinning was fun, okay? “I have. Why? Drama with your friends?”

“Sorta. There’s just been a lot going on lately and I’m starting to realise that no matter what I choose to do, someone will get hurt. I feel like shit for still wanting to figure things out and maybe even make the selfish choice.”

“So what you’re saying is you’re afraid you’re a bad person?”

“...Yeah.”

That was the dumbest thing you had said all week but it was true. The more information you got, the more you realised you were caught in a web of bad choices. Gwen was a danger but if you stayed around her for Brax’s sake, it would hurt Frank. Leave for Frank’s sake and now you’ve hurt your best friend. Leave Frank alone and you risked the possibility he got hurt regardless even if it should grant him freedom but convince him to try and get out of the situation? Now you’re being selfish, why should he risk his life or someone innocent’s life just for you and your pathetic want to be friends as if you’re still fifteen and having friends matters? Doing what was best for your relationship with Frank would ruin your longest friendship and doing what was right for Brax would get people killed. Could you ever win?

Life was unfair. Why did this have to happen to you? You lived a normal life until you met Frank. Since that day it had been a constant downhill race against the latest disaster. The only good thing that had come out of everything was Honey and the cat had nothing to do with anything going on.

“This might not sound right but sometimes you can’t take the moral high-ground,” Mully said, shrugging.

“What do you mean?”

“Just look at voting for an example. Have you ever  _ actually _ liked a presidential candidate? No! In that scenario, you have to choose the person who comes with more benefits than problems despite the bad they do. We do that every day. There won’t always be right and wrong. It’s okay if you have to pick between two wrongs.”

You considered this for a moment before nodding. It made sense.

Mully was smart. He didn’t look very intelligent but if you thought hard about it, it became obvious. He was still young and was a successful business owner, a professional skateboarder, a dad, and overall a good guy. Nobody had ever hated him. He was fair and he gave awesome advice. While he supported you and helped you whenever you asked which was usually more complex or serious issues, he also balanced his own life and Yutani. It was impressive.

“Thanks, Mully. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I think I’m gonna go home, got a new cat and with the amount of stress I’ve put myself under, cuddling with her sounds nice.”

“Anytime, be safe.”

You had done exactly as you had said. You spent the rest of your day at home, tidying up and doing chores and spending time with Honey. Thank god you had kept her. You never realised how lonely it was to live alone until you came home and she was eagerly waiting for you, headbutting your legs and wrapping her tail around them as she trotted around the house, following you.

At the end of the day, the cat even hopped into bed with you, curling up by your side. You were laying on your side while Honey was curled into a ball against your chest, purring and swishing her tail. It was cute.

You spent a few minutes fawning over her and petting her until your phone dinged. Dude, seriously? Right now? 

_ Hey. Are you still up? _

_ Uhh yeah, what’s up? Did something happen _

_ I just want to talk to you about something. That sounds fucked up. _

_ Coming from you? Yeah very fucking weird but what is it _

_ Meet me at the spot? _

__ _ Yeah _

You could never get any solitude with your cat, could you? Groaning, you got out of bed and threw on the nearest t-shirt you could find and the raggedy old Vans. Fuck your board, you would just walk, you were tired. Cuddling with your cat is an activity you do when you plan to sleep. Frank had asked if you were  _ up _ , not if you were wide-awake.

As always, he was there before you, laying on top of the car and staring at the sky. He looked less formal than usual. No mask in sight and no suit either. Just the pants and a loose, white button-up. The collar was messed up and typically that would be annoying but seeing as it was Frank, you were glad he didn’t look so pristine and formal. Part of trust is letting down boundaries and that includes always trying to look like a functioning member of society. Are you really friends if you haven’t seen each other as disasters? No.

The two of you laid there in silence until he was comfortable enough with your presence to speak.

“Do you ever feel like you can’t win no matter how hard you try to outsmart everyone below you?”

“Constantly.”

“I feel as if I know what I need to do but it directly interferes with what I want to do. I haven’t doubted myself in years and all of a sudden it’s like I’ve never made a single choice in my life.”

You nodded. “It’s like there's no right choice to make. You’ll mess up anyway.”

He looked at you, brows raised. “You actually understand, huh? How do you deal with it? You’re quite selfless.”

“I’m not selfless, I just consider other people because at the end of the day what do I have to gain? I’m gonna die anyway someday. I don’t know how to deal with it. Hell, I found myself relying on my brother’s advice today about the same fucking thing.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever agreed like this before.”

“We haven’t.”

Frank held his breath, thinking. He had been opening up to emotions he had suppressed ever since he was sixteen. Empathy, care, morals other than prioritizing himself at any given moment… It was scary. He wasn’t sure how to process any of it or how to make choices based on these feelings. They conflicted with everything he had ever known.

He sighed, “I value myself more than I value others but I can’t just throw them under the bus anymore.”

“Not entirely. I don’t know what to do either. There’s so much going on for both of us. Mully mentioned something to me about choosing between two bad choices and how sometimes you have to settle for worse.”

“Settling for worse? With a life like mine? He doesn’t know about me, does he?”

“Of course not. This is between us.” You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, watching him exhale and shut his eyes. “Frank, when was the last time you felt this conflicted?”

“Mm, sixteen? Sixteen. God, sixteen was a fucked up age.”

“What happened?”

“I lost my mom. I don’t remember the details. I had a choice to make and I did what I had to do to protect her. It wasn’t enough. That’s all.”

You sat up, staring down at him. He had said that all very casually, he sounded tired even. He opened his eyes just slightly and looked up at you, shrugging.

“What?” he asked.

“Frank, that’s fucking terrible. I’m so sorry. You didn’t have to tell me.”

“What, you asked so I told you. (Y/N), I’m numb to this type of shit.”

“That’s  _ trauma _ . The fact you barely remember it? It wasn’t that long ago, that’s seven years. Have you not once considered how that may have affected you?”

He tensed up. “Of course I have. I choose to ignore it. There are many things on Earth I have to deal with and my past just isn’t one of those things. I forgot it so I could push myself forward. I may have pushed myself down a bad path but I’ve made it to the end, haven’t I? Whether it be a willing choice or my death, my path is almost over.”

“It’s not over.”

“You said it yourself. Settle for worse.”

“That’s not what that means.”

“It’s what it means realistically.”

You gave up on trying to explain things to him. For someone so afraid of dying young, he didn’t have any idea of self-worth, did he? Self-worth was not shutting down and caring about himself for the sake of survival. Both of those things made it hard to acknowledge the hole you were in. Guns were pointed at both of you from all sides and you didn’t agree enough to decide how to point them away or who needed to risk it all.

All of this considered you had a very selfish thought, blankly watching him.  _ I don’t have the strength for this. He isn’t someone I can just fix, we have to fix each other or fail trying. Frank, I hope I never fall in love with you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the official subway surfers tiktok calling out people simping for frank. nono. let us simp in peace bruh most of us got a thing for masks 


	34. you vs who you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: wow cant wait to update  
> school: ur failing and the quarter ends in like three days have fun

You had been sitting in silence for the past hour now. You were staring up at the sky, making different pictures out of the stars while Frank kept his eyes shut. You weren’t too sure he was even awake at this point. The later it got, the colder you got and it was getting to a point where you were willing to ditch Frank and go home.

Taking one look at him made you regret ever thinking about it. He looked calm for once and even if he was smart and could defend himself, leaving him would be wrong. So you sucked it up and crossed your arms over your cheat, gripping your own shoulders to try and stay warm. A sweater would be much better than a t-shirt.

“You cold or something?”

You looked over at him, surprised he was awake but nodding regardless. “Yeah, it feels like it’s forty fucking degrees out here. Are you?”

He shrugged. “A little.”

“I didn’t know you were awake. But since you are I think I’m gonna head home. I’m freezing my ass off here. You’re crazy for looking so comfortable.”

“My apartment is always cold so I’m used to it. The heat only works about once every three months, this shit is as normal as seventy-two degrees to me. At least you have working heat and not to mention a shit ton of blankets, Jesus.”

You rolled your eyes. “The blankets are fine, you’re just dramatic. It’s seriously cold out here though. You’re welcome to stay at my place so you don’t die or something, we’re both fucked by now anyway so I don’t think it matters.”

“I knew you would offer. That’s why I’m complaining. Always a step ahead,” Frank said, stretching before sitting up and hopping off the train car. “Never forget that.”

It felt like months since you had heard him say that when in reality it was probably a few weeks. It made your heart stop for a second regardless, reminding you of before things were so complicated and immoral. Annoyed at every text, rambling discreetly to Dorian, and heated arguments kept civil only because you were in  _ public _ and god forbid anyone knows anything about him or either of you looks suspicious. Part of you missed it. Another part watched him walking ahead of you, tricking you into offering hospitality, finding it ironic how he used to complain about your offers to let him stay with you as if you were friends.

Maybe this was better. Change was better.

You jogged to catch up with him, staying by his side, arms still crossed. Despite it only being autumn, you could still see your breath whenever you exhaled. Frank was lucky, even if it wasn’t very thick or good quality, at least he has long sleeves. He was keeping his arms relatively close to his sides though so it wasn’t like he was doing much better than you.

Walking was so much slower than skateboarding. There were no benefits to that at all but at least you were grateful when you saw your apartment complex, the old stairs being not much warmer than outside, but a wave of warmth hitting you as you unlock your front door. You went straight to your room, Frank following and grabbing one of the blankets off your bed. While he wasn’t looking in your direction you changed into a sweater and grabbed a blanket for yourself.

Honey came running into the room from god knows where, most likely the kitchen or a hiding spot. The cat hopped up on the bed, meowing at you as you picked up clutter around the room. Frank was in no way any sort of guest but it felt wrong to have old shirts and clutter laying out. Frank, meanwhile, was watching the cat.

“Since when did you have one of those?” he asked, letting Honey sniff his hand before rubbing her head.

“Mm, a week? Or so? Not long. You’ve been here when she has, guess she just didn’t want to come out and meet you. She’s clingy as fuck though.”

“I didn’t think you were a cat person.”

“I didn’t think you liked anyone but yourself.”

“I don’t but that hatred doesn’t apply to animals. Cats are quite nice. They’re quiet, they tend to leave you alone and only demand attention whenever they feel bored.”

You smiled slightly. Frank, the worst guy you’ve ever met, liking cats? It made sense. You could see him with a cat or two, living in solitude. Sitting down on the bed, Honey abandoned Frank in favour of sitting on your lap purring and rubbing her head against your stomach. In retaliation, he moved to the floor and picked up a stray toy, shaking it around until Honey was more interested in it than you and joining him on the floor. 

It was not exaggerating to say he didn’t give two shits about you and was invested in the cat, letting her pounce at his hands and petting Honey. Whenever the cat got tired of playing (which was after about ten minutes), he laid down and let her lay on his chest. You were amazed. This was the most interest, affection, overall emotion you had ever seen Frank express! And it was all over a fucking cat! 

“For someone who likes cats because they ‘leave you alone,’ you went out of your way to get Honey’s attention.”

“Fuck off, your cat is better than you. I’m here so I don’t have to freeze my ass off at home, let me enjoy myself.”

Honey decided she was hungry and left right after he said that.

“Looks like you’re stuck with just me now.”

He rolled his eyes, standing up and brushing the cat fur off his clothes before sitting back down on the bed and keeping to ‘his’ respective half. You held back a laugh before taking a deep breath and glancing at him for only a split second, looking at the ceiling right after.

“By the way, can we talk? Just in general.”

“About? ‘In general’ could still mean anything with the way every other ‘can we talk’ from your side has gone.”

“It doesn’t have to be about earlier like your mom or some shit but I want to get to know you.”

“You already do know me.”

You shook your head. “I know who you  _ are _ . You’re Frank, you’re twenty-three, and you have a fucked up job that’s sort of like an assassin or hit-man but not really. I don’t know  _ you _ . Your past, your opinions, for fucks sake I couldn’t even name your favourite colour.”

“Why do you want to know? To have some sort of gratification whenever one of us fucks up? Dies? Whenever I finish my case here and move on to the next assignment?” he rolled his eyes, “I’m not worth knowing, (Y/N). That’s why you don’t know me.”

“You spent months arguing with me and lying to me, you put the people I love in danger, and now there’s a target on several people’s backs but the problem is neither of us knows which target is the priority, why, and how to prevent it. That’s enough for me to hate you until my dying day. Instead, I’ve looked past every shitty thing you’ve done, looked past the fact you’ve probably killed someone before, and even gone as far as to kiss you, invest my time in you, and let you sleep in my fucking bed. I think you’re at least worth knowing in our case.”

“Kissing each other doesn’t inherently mean anything at all.”

“I know it doesn’t, but god, it doesn’t exactly mean nothing either. I wouldn’t say I’m talking to anyone or dating them if someone asked but I would still feel guilty if another guy showed up and asked me out somewhere and I said yes. Again, this is complicated. I think I deserve to know you.”

Frank stared at you in silence for a good minute before sighing and laying down. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you want to say.”

“Fuck it, since you already know, I guess I will talk about my mom. She raised me on her own, I remember that. I think my dad had something to do with this shitty ass business because sixteen was the same age I got into this mess. A fucking kid. Learning to be a blank slate with no real morals.”

He paused, rolling onto his side to face you. You did the same. “I don’t blame my mother though. I don’t think she intended for any of it. Do I blame him, whoever he was? Sure. That’s about all I know or what I’ve decided I know anyway. Having two parents must really shape you differently.”

You shrugged. “I guess it does. Depends which set of parents though.”

“And by that you mean…? That some weird family bullshit?”

“No, I’m adopted. My adoptive parents were perfect but hell if I know what I’d be like with my biological ones.”

“Didn’t think you had anything fucked up about you.”

“I do, just nothing that messed up.”

“Ever wonder about the biological ones?”

“Sometimes. Ever wonder about your dad?”

“At times. My bet is he worked the same way I do, owed them money, drugs, was a target… Don’t know.”

“I’ve always guessed mine were drug addicts. Would explain why I’ve always seen no problem with that drugs and alcohol life. I’m lucky I’ve only stuck to weed, I’ve definitely thought about doing coke or heroin before. I just know I shouldn’t find it okay so I make myself a decent person.”

“And pray you turn out better than the bastards you're related to.”

“If I could even say that. But this is supposed to be about you.”

“It’s easier if I have to listen to your bullshit too, I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ve never messed with any of that shit. My de-stress isn't a blunt, it’s nicotine. It may not be better but in my head, it feels like I’m not stooping down another level.”

“..Because another level makes you no better than them, no matter who ‘them’ is for you,” you hummed, pulling your blanket up over your shoulders.

“Yeah. And my ‘them’ is pretty fucking low.”

Both of you went silent. Frank seemed rather tense whenever he spoke but whenever you tried to understand, it clearly helped. This was relieving yet also panicking. Were you two sides of the same coin? He was the extreme and you were the bare minimum? Cause it sure fucking looked like it. 

You were left but found better, he was left with one option and that option tried but he still was failed by that option. Unhealthy coping. ‘I may be bad but I never want to be like them, even if I’m technically no better already.’ 

You briefly made eye contact and he sighed, lowering his gaze. “I hope I die.”

“I hope we both die. Nobody can win here.”

“Possibly. Are you still cold?”

“It’s pretty warm. Only a little.”

“Come here, I guess. Just this once.”

Instead of sticking to your respective sides, you laid with your head in the crook of his neck while his head was on top of yours, holding each other close. Part of you hated this. Your thoughts about him always felt like parts. One that despised him and everything about him and this other that was desperate to figure him out and mean something to him. For now, this was as good as that other part was getting. 

Neither of you liked your small similarities. But it made it easier to sleep at night knowing maybe he wasn’t that fucked up and you weren’t as much of a saint as he assumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BYE i think someone i know personally might read this but I have no proof but incase they see this here's a statement they should get and If you understand lmao hi this applies to you:  
> you draw ruffles super well like to the point where it looks like real fabric or traced how do u do that,,,


	35. A/N

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey uh i’m really sorry i just need some time but here you go

hey, i’m really sorry for the scattered updates but uh i just need a break. at first it was school and i managed to pull myself up but yk how this is some sort of romantic story? yeah uh i just don’t think i can write that right now. some guy really screwed me over like i think he used my fucking trauma against me and it’s kinda fucked me up and i need a break. i don’t want my writing to encourage toxic behaviour. the point of this story is frank may be toxic at first but it’s very clear he learns from his past and actively changes. i don’t want to end up romanticising toxic traits just because i wrote when i knew damn well i wasn’t okay. there are people younger than me out there and i would never want idk some kid to read my writing and think it’s okay to tolerate toxic relationships. it’s not. until i can do a bit better mentally i’m not going to update for a bit. until i’m sure i can cut him off and work on my mental state i just don’t want to update.

i love you all more than ANYTHING in this world, i will always be grateful for all your support, and this isn’t me quitting on you. i just need some time.


	36. dont do it b

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M FUCKING BACK LMAO  
> wont lie i took a longer break than just cut him off and come back? took a bit of time to get over it and just relax. definitely doing way better now and there's so much freedom that comes with getting rid of toxic men?? like wow i can hang around my friends without feeling guilty

Your morning was spent making shitty instant coffee and sitting in silence on opposite ends of the couch. Neither of you discussed last night and neither of you wanted to. It was coming to your attention that you were more comfortable with being affectionate towards him and even willing to use it as a distraction from the world actively crumbling around you. Comfortable enough that you didn’t want to talk about it, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but still finding it a little awkward. You had bigger issues though.

Shit. Issues. You ran your thumb across your cup, trying to use the warmth of the bullshit you were calling “coffee” to distract you. Most people would be freaked out by the over looming threat of death or hazard to those around them but at this point, you could probably start placing bets on what will happen. Regardless, this didn’t excuse the thought you would need a plan soon. What were you going to do about all of this? And how?

Frank glanced over at you. “You’re thinking, aren’t you? I can feel your tension from here.”

“Yeah. Sorry. It’s kind of hard not to think about it but at the same time it’s so easy to put aside.”

“We need to think of something. Soon. I don’t know what to fucking do, I’m on the bridge of willing to die and get out of this and just doing what has to be done.”

You glared at him. “You’re not killing Jake.”

“I mean, that’s definitely still an option but now that they have something against me, that may not be enough.”

You set your drink aside, fiddling with the sleeves on your sweater. What was he supposed to do now if killing Jake wouldn’t cut it? You had discussed it many times but everything was always so hypothetical. If this, if that… You felt stupid trying to think about it until you remembered.

Before the whole fight with Frank, or at least some period of time around it, you had seen him break something. He needed to fix it and he  _ never did _ . It was not fixing it that escalated to kill Jake and then to the mess now about attachments. It made so much sense.

If he could fix what he broke, that would also mean he would have the information on the technology the kids found. He would need it to fix the junk in the subway. If Frank could pull off stealing information as he was supposed to and then also fix the tech, he could possibly be saved from the trouble of everything going on. Nobody would have to get hurt. Frank could move on.

Assuming that was a possible idea, what about you? Would that mean Frank simply vanishes? He had caused you plenty of trouble but you were far too invested to just let go of him now. Your stance on ‘no feelings’ hadn’t changed but he still meant something to you. You were bonding lately in some fucked up ways. But it was still bonding.

You were being selfish. This wasn’t about you, it was about the greater good.

“Frank,” you said slowly, “did you ever fix that thing in the subway?”

“No? Holy shit. No. Why?”

“What if we got the information on the technology from the kids and then you fixed the subway thing? It would look good because you went out of your way to repair something and you did your original task too. They should go hand in hand right? Kid’s thing helps you research and repair the subway and also completes your task?”

He nodded, thinking for a moment. Would that work? It was going to be a lot harder than it sounded but if he pulled the right moves, nobody would be getting hurt and he would be done with his original job. It could resolve everything if he pulled the right strings. “That could work. But what do you mean by ‘ _ we’ _ ?”

“I would help.”

“Absolutely not.”

“What? Why not?”

“You get any more involved in all the things going on and I’m not sure you’ll be okay. You already have  _ her _ on your case which worries me enough. You’re not getting involved.”

“Yutani is my niece. If you want easy information, you’ll need me. I could convince her to give me the thing if I tried hard enough.”

“It’s still risky.”

“So? I know that, dumbass. Let me help.”

Frank ran a hand through his hair. God, you were frustrating right now. What part of no was so hard for you to grasp? This wasn’t a fun game. It was a great idea with plenty of potentials if he added the spice of manipulation and negotiating with his ‘boss’ but that being said it wasn’t a great idea for  _ you _ . Not to mention, if he went back to normal status because the plan worked, he would most likely be abandoning you. You would just be helping yourself get hurt in the end.

But things were so complicated.

Sure, he wasn’t entirely sure if it was right of him to emotionally hurt or manipulate you for the plan to work. So he didn’t want to accept your help. But you had already done so much for him. Insisting he stays with you, tending to his wounds (quite literally, not emotionally), always on that optimistic ‘you can’t be so bad’ bullshit despite learning he  _ was _ that bad. He owed you so much. Agreeing to your help was halfway between selfish and… something. You always seemed so happy to be involved even when it was really driving you crazy.

You tilted your head. “Well? Are we in this together or not?”

“No.”

“Come on, Frank.”

“(Y/N), no. Okay? I’m not saying that to be selfish or leave you behind. I’m not saying that so I can get out of here and leave. I do not want you to help because you’ve done enough bullshit already and even the smidge of danger you’re in makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want you directly involved. Not like that. I’m saying this because I-- don’t want you hurt. That’s all.”

“Fine. I’ll respect that, but don’t think I’m dropping out on you. I’ll at least support you if you go with that plan.”

“That works. But don’t you dare get involved.”

“I won’t.”

Frank looked at you, waiting until you met his eyes to speak. “Promise me.”

“Why?”

“Just do it okay.”

“Okay. I promise.”

You lowered your gaze to the floor. You would end up breaking that promise. Maybe it was your own recklessness but you knew you would end up trying to assist him at some point. You wanted to. But for now? No. The way he looked at you reminded you of some of the more vulnerable conversations you had had with people. You would have to respect his wishes for now.

He left your apartment around an hour later, and the last thing you heard him say was ‘be safe.’ 

He knew you too well. You would be safe, sure, but deep down you were ready for things to be over, no matter what it would take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kid you not this is not the way I was planning to take this. i had a whole OTHER magical good plan and then I got this one from a dream and just,,, no it makes so much sense. new plot path. also lowkey i feel like I dropped some context clues about some bs in this but I'm losing braincells by the second tbh so <3


	37. casual doesnt mean bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey,,, i offer no explination only an apology and what I think is a longish chapter but I'm not sure

“Dude, I’m seriously getting freaked out,” Dorian mumbled, popping up from behind the counter. You glanced at her from where you were, restocking shelves. 

“Why?”

“I think there’s something  _ really _ wrong with Brax’s girlfriend. Seriously wrong. It’s been bothering me since they came back to town together.” You choked when she said that, trying to catch your breath before standing up and walking over. What the hell. 

Yes, there was clearly something fucked up about Gwen. You knew this because of Frank. He had insisted you stay away from her and you had caught her saying some pretty weird shit to you. Not to mention her nails that one day and the way she didn’t even seem bothered or in pain from it like if she drew attention to it, she would be suspicious. What was giving Dorian bad vibes? Did she know something?

“Why would you say that? They seem happy together,” you said.

“I know, I know. They’re a cute couple, don’t get me wrong, but have you seen the way she acts? She’s so on edge! All the time! And the way she talks? It’s so thought out. I know she’s involved in something but I don’t know what.” 

“Involved in something? Like what?”

“I’m… not sure. Frank gave me the same vibes at first but I never said anything because you went along with him and he  _ was _ pretty cute, you should admit it. You know, you’ve been ditching plans a lot. Is it for him?” Dorian asked, sitting on the counter. “I’m not mad, seriously. I just think something is going on here and as your friend, I want to make sure it’s nothing bad. His energy isn’t like hers anymore, I see that, but I was terrified when he came in here and we also saw him on our night out. I just hid it.”

You nodded, sighing in relief. Okay. So she’s not connecting them, it’s just bad vibes. Dorian was probably your best friend at this point but that didn’t mean she wasn’t constantly surprising you. “I promise Frank isn’t bad news. You don’t have to worry about him but honestly? Yeah, I do run off a lot because of him. If he worried you, you should have told me! You acted like you were chill with him.”

“Because you seemed to trust him! You don’t need to lie if you wanna go with him though. Just say your boyfriend called you, we won’t care. I’d ditch if Fiona pulled a ‘come over’ too.”

“I-- Dorian, I’m not dating him. I just leave if he calls because we’ve been through a lot together and he usually needs support.”

“Sorry, sorry. But seriously. We’re your friends, you don’t have to lie, we get it. But back to Gwen. She’s just really suspicious. I’m probably just being dramatic.”

You thought about what Dorian said on your way home after work. You were so afraid she had finally made the connection between Gwen and Frank. You weren’t even sure what that connection was but you knew it was bad. And if they were connected, well, that puts you as a suspect too. 

It wasn’t any better that she still managed to think you were with Frank like that. Somehow everyone thought it. Your personal relationships were all so complicated and you didn’t need people trying to understand them. Even you couldn’t figure out your relationships so they could have as much fun as they wanted trying. They wouldn’t be successful either way. If there was someone who could figure it all out before you could, they needed to start telling you what to do now.

Overall, though, your conversation with Dorian didn’t matter that much. She wasn’t onto anything serious and you were still safe for now. You could go home and live your life in peace, forgetting you even spoke to her. For now, anyway. At the off-hand chance, she was to ever bring it up again, you would be confronting Frank on what to do. 

It would be smart to just lie and answer no questions again but you were getting so close to ending everything, right? Maybe telling someone wouldn’t hurt. Then again, that could be stupid because you were  _ so close _ to the end. Telling someone about what’s been happening with no filters or lies could set you back. This was a worst-case-scenario idea anyway. Dorian would most likely move on and you needed to do the same.

So you did. You went home and did chores, attending to your cat throughout the day as well. You hadn’t had a day to clean and rearrange in months and it was much more therapeutic than you remembered. Besides doing the dishes. There would never be anything good about them.

When you finally realised you had nothing left to do, you collapsed on the couch. Fridays were meant to be good and you were… bored? That was weird to say. That was the sad thing about solving your problems. It left you with nothing to do. Yes, of course, you hated the current situation and it was tragic in almost every way but the one good thing about suffocating in your own misery is at least you have something to occupy your time. 

It would be a good idea to cross your fingers. The idea of being bored would bring forward another obstacle if you weren’t careful. Plus, the plan wasn’t even in action. Nothing was actually fixed.

Thinking must have distracted you because you blinked and suddenly you realised your phone was in your hands, your least favourite contact pulled up, your finger hovering over the ‘send’ button. ‘ _ Hey, are you free tonight?’ _

No.

You had seen too much of him lately. There were plenty of other people to hang out with and maybe you could even find a way to spend the night at home while still having fun. Self-care wasn’t a bad idea and could be far more beneficial to you than being around other people. This idea was disregarded as your screen lit up with a text from Frank. Looks like you weren’t getting away from him anyway.

_ I have a question. Do you have plans currently? _

__ _ Uhh no, why??? _

_ I owe you for thinking of that plan and for everything as of lately. In my line of work, owing someone is serious. You always have to repay them. You’ve taught me a bit about the normal world though so I guess it wouldn’t be too serious. So instead of a major favour, I wanted to ask if you would be interested in ‘hanging out,’ No catch, we can even go to my apartment. It’s not like you could let out any information and I know you wouldn’t. _

You re-read his paragraph several times. Frank didn’t owe you anything. Realistically he owed you the last few months of your life back, owed you some happiness you’d definitely lost, but you put yourself into these messes because you wanted to now. You had nothing to gain. Fuck, this wasn’t personal, was it? Putting up with his bullshit when you had the chance to kick him away after that fight? Then again, you hung out with him plenty. But never both casually and initiated by him.

As you had thought, though, you had nothing to gain. This also meant you had nothing to do. 

_ Drop your address, I’ll skate over _

While you waited for Frank to text back, you busied yourself with making sure Honey had food and throwing a charger, a bit of cash, and a few other daily essentials in a drawstring bag. If hanging out with Frank was anything like it was with Dorian, you would want to be prepared for anything. Then again, Frank didn’t seem to have any friends. What would it be like to be around him with no prior strings attached? 

There is a very big difference between hanging out with someone by circumstance and deliberately saying ‘hey, come over!’ God, Dorian sounded correct right about now. She wasn’t though. Not entirely. It wasn’t going to be like  _ that _ .

A few minutes later you were deciding against skateboarding and instead decided on walking. You were surprised to see it was only a thirty-minute walk but with skateboarding keeping you at least slightly in-shape and your stamina, you’d be able to make it in around twenty-five. You weren’t surprised when you found yourself at an apartment complex no better than yours except for the fact there was a handicapped button on the door outside. Is that even a luxury? It shouldn’t be. 

It was standing in front of Frank’s door that was the most nerve-wracking. This wouldn’t be awkward, you knew that, you had literally slept in the same bed as him before and that was way worse than hanging out in terms of awkwardness. Couldn’t get much worse than that. This just wasn’t your side of town and you had never been anywhere  _ near _ Frank’s personal space. The cafe doesn’t count, it’s a public shop. You needed to stop overthinking this. Just knock.

So you did. It was rather surprising not to see Frank have his own place and not out in the middle of nowhere or clinging to your apartment (though he seemed to do so very hastily) but to see him not in that stupid suit thing he always wore. You had never thought about what sort of style he had if one at all but when you thought about it, it made sense. Dark academia wasn’t a bad look. 

He looked just as unsure as you did. “I didn’t think you would seriously show up.”

“Why wouldn’t I? Nothing better to do and this is better than hanging out like we normally do, after some serious talk or whatever,” you said, shrugging. You stared at each other in silence before he realised neither of you were moving or initiating conversation and stepped aside, giving you room to come inside.

His apartment was nicer than you expected. It wasn’t exactly decorated but there were mainly neutral tones and beige furniture, hints of red thrown in too. The most notable thing was a bookshelf full of books and folders, along with papers and a pen scattered across a wooden coffee table. Whether this was all work-related or personal interest you did not know and you were too embarrassed to ask. This felt nosy. Frank may spy on you as a job and collect information, I mean he’s probably seen you change even if you don’t know about it (how else would he have known about your curtains when you met? He’s watched you before so it’s had to have happened), but it felt  _ wrong _ to know things about him this way. You preferred vaguely personal conversations. This… was just wrong. 

“I know, It’s probably not what you expected. I’m assuming you were thinking something along the lines of empty or dark. I do have a bit of my own taste,” Frank murmured, leaning his back against the door.

You nodded. “We’ve never talked about anything casual. Only our situation and personal things. If you don’t mind the question, what’s with all the books?”

“I like classics. They’re easy to over-indulge in, some of those on the shelf are the same book but different editions or translated into a different language.”

“You’re bilingual?”

“Less bilingual and more like impulsively learning a language as I go along for the reading and then forgetting it entirely.”

You almost laughed but managed to keep yourself composed. It was actually a bit nice to see Frank talk about his interests, surprisingly so. He knew you skated and about your smoking hobby and what not but what did you ever know about him? He likes coffee? 

You watched him walk over to the shelf and pull out a brown book. You followed. The cover reminded you of a bible, very leathery and it had a red tint. There was writing and details in gold but it was rather faded and you couldn’t make out what it said. He ran his finger along the old, creased spine before opening it. Over his shoulder, you could see the pages had various little notes written all over them. He flipped through a few pages and some of them were drawn on with highlighter or dog-eared.

“Anna Karenina, first edition in Russian,” he said, handing you the book. You were a little scared to hold something that sounded so fancy. 

“Do you speak any Russian or is it just another forgotten language?”

“Can’t  _ speak _ it but I can read the book just fine. No, I can’t read anything else in Russian except Pride & Prejudice.”

While everything was going just fine, both of you knew how the other felt tense deep down. Trying to push past this and make things less awkward and maybe even get to know him better, you made your way to the couch and motioned for him to follow. He did and sat beside you although confused. You handed the book back to him and remained silent for a minute. Then, you started your idea.

“So, is it your favourite or is it just easy to show off?” you asked.

“Favourite, I suppose. You ask just as many questions as you do most nights.”

“You should be used to it by now. But that's not my point. Maybe you could read it to me? Not in Russian but out loud. It seems cool.”

You weren’t very sure how that would work out but you had Frank talking and you wanted him to keep doing so before things could end up leading back to your problems or something deep. You wanted to know him on a personal level, sure, but what’s the point if you don’t just know him in general? Assuming things resolved soon you wanted to know him. Entirely. You were too invested to let him disappear when things would be settled.

Frank also wasn’t sure. His hobbies had always been an irrelevant thing even to him. The books took up space physically to make up for the fact nothing good ever filled his head mentally. This couldn’t be too bad though. From the way you were looking up at him you seemed genuinely intrigued and it wouldn’t hurt to try. Maybe he could still translate well enough in his head to not struggle. 

“I don’t see why you would want to listen to me read but you’re very, very strange. I’ll read it.” He let you move closer to his side so you could look at the pages but it was rather useless as you did not understand what they said. You found the little notes he wrote interesting though and that would suffice.

“All happy families are alike, unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.” It started simple. The first line, then the rest of the chapter as any book goes. The chapters themselves were not long but the number of chapters added up rather quickly and you realised just how long this book was. More than thirty chapters a part he had mentioned during chapter five. You liked listening to his voice even when it seemed to get boring anyway. When someone isn’t debating with you it’s easier to enjoy hearing them speak. 

You began to stop paying attention to the story during chapter seven. You listened to him speak but the words he said didn’t necessarily matter. Frank was not surprised when you eventually dozed off on his shoulder. He had expected you to possibly get bored; you hadn’t, you found him reading very interesting, but your attention span was suffering and it wasn’t like he was hard to listen to. Things were different than they were before like the first time you had done this. It was messy and impulsive back then. ‘It’ being everything. 

This was calm. Collected. Maybe even a calm before a storm but until the storm hit he could be okay with this. Being happy before he risked everything because of that stupid fucking job wouldn’t hurt. Perhaps coming full-circle could be possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me someone else has that one language they know but only in written form and only when its in front of them- i used to be like that with Norwegian when I was 10 but now that I remember nothing I'm learning how to speak it

**Author's Note:**

> Your comments, kudos, whatever else means a lot! Please feel free to leave opinions!


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